Enlightening Commentary

Year In Review

Posted on January 2, 2020

Father TimeAfter a decade of relative calm, and by calm we mean a consistent posting of 450 yearly homicides give or take, 2012 caused sphincters to clinch tightly across the land as the mythical 500 barrier was broken. This being as unacceptable as ketchup on a hot dog, the “#CrimeIsDown” years were ushered in where crime fell to levels not seen since Potawatomi Chief Blackbird reclassified killing Fort Dearborn civilians from casualties of war to workplace violence. That was the spin anyway.

As 2015 saw Rahm get a second term with the help of a hidden video tape, we made a return trip to 500+-ville. Unacceptable pearl clutching ensued only to be outdone by the next three years spent on the fainting couch of 90s level stupidity. As Hummin’ Hennessy Ed took credit for the reversion to the mean before being shitcanned for getting his little Johnson polished, orders came down that another five handle was to be avoided. As if posting calorie counts can stop the governor from a second helping, 500 was easily exceed but with 13% fewer calories homicides than 2018.

Our prediction of 575-600 homicides and 2400-2600 shot and wounded fell almost as short as the French actor, Juicy Smollett’s hate crime audition. Given the continued efforts of our pro-criminal State’s Attorney, “not horrible” judiciary and anti-cop mayor, we see another 500+ year ahead with 525-550 homicides and another 2500 shot and wounded. Outlier prediction – pot legalization will fail to produce the anticipated revenues due to the insane level of taxation and the CPD will end up ventilating a neighborhood dealer while on a revenue enforcement mission. All hell will break loose as a result.

As always, many thanks to everyone who visited, liked, retweeted, emailed and hit the tip jar this past year. We have a number of changes and updates planned for 2020. Stay tuned and have yourself a safe and prosperous new year.