Enlightening Commentary

Year In Review

Posted on December 30, 2015

Father TimeIt’s that time to look back at the year that was, 2015.

The year started off much like 2014 with another, though slightly less potent, Polar Vortex. Only this time around, the year got off to a foreboding start with a massive 48% increase in successful lead deliveries for January.

The third snowiest February of all time saw the feel good story of 2014, the Jackie Robinson West Little League Baseball World Series run, be exposed as a fraud. Followed by another feel good story, Tiny Dancer being forced into a runoff with Chewie.

March picked up the pace by racking up an impressive 76% jump in successful lead deliveries. The winter shooting season closed out looking at a 16% jump in homicides with another 49% increase in people shot, but crime was down and strategies were working.

We were able to April Fool a few of you while Tiny April Fooled the city by winning his runoff with Chewie. As we said at the time, “When it comes to second terms, they typically blow and blow hard.” Little did we know.

“It’s beginning to get warmer. When it gets warmer, things happen…”

May’s first weekend left 36 ventilated only to be outdone by 49 shot which then was capped off with a 57 shot Memorial Day weekend extravaganza. Before the month would expire, bullet magnet & rapper Young Pappy would expire as well after taking a round to the head. May would end with 49 homicides and a total of 322 people shot.

With summer in full swing and the body count rising, the Blackhawks cemented their dynasty status, the Pride Parade turned out the usual stupidity all while the powers that be were clutching their pearls in fear of the upcoming July 4th weekend. June would end with 51 homicides, besting 2014’s 39.

The July 4th Shitshow started off in an unexpected manner, in relative peace. The wheels came off late into the evening on July 4th when the next 23 hours would see a record 42 shot, leaving 6 dead. A couple of weeks later, another bullet magnet and rapper, Capo, was fatally ventilated with his alleged assailant running over a 13-month-old boy while fleeing from police. The month clocked out with a body count of 58, including a quadruple homicide in Chatham.

August began with the traditional Shootapalooza weekend with its Sunday managing to rack up 23 people shot. While some legitimate honor students were looking at lengthy prison terms, the city’s ERs and morgues continued to be populated in typical August fashion. 358 people would end up with some variety of lead poisoning.

Summer wrapped up with 206 dead and 1002 shot and wounded. Crime was down and strategies were working.

September came flying out the gate with 9 homicides in a single day and 21 in the first week alone. Back-to-back weekends tallied entire February like numbers with a total of 15 dead and 100 wounded. In all, September ended up being the deadliest since 2002.

October saw the Cubs make a World Series run only to fall to some jagoffs from Queens. It also saw a massive tax increase from a jagoff from Wilmette.

November witnessed its first lethal shooting involving a CCW carrier. 9-year-old Tyshaun Lee was executed in an alley and his mother promptly purchased a new car and jetted off to Vegas to ‘grieve’. The Laquan McDonald video was released a couple of days before Thanksgiving but the expected inferno never materialized. However, the Michigan Ave Apple Store and numerous intersections downtown were shown who’s the boss by a few hundred protesters.

December started with Tiny’s bus taking out GMath. The Ronald Johnson video came a week later and while most moved on, the Apple Store and a few intersections downtown were shown who’s the boss again by dozens of protesters. To top off the year, the CPD killed two bringing their personal total to 9 killed and 16 wounded, or less than a percent of the total.

With what little time 2015 has left, 500 homicides and 3,000 shot is likely. Numerous pending “death investigations” and late expirations will cause the final number will slowly rise throughout 2016 to 505-510.

Finally, we’d like to thank everyone who visited, viewed, commented, liked, followed, shared, emailed and hated this year. Have a safe, healthy and prosperous 2016. Stay fetal.