Enlightening Commentary

October Surprise

Posted on November 2, 2016

CarnacOctober is supposed to be a transitional month where the weather turns, street corners and porches vacate and the Cubs hit the links. Instead, this October decided to play July and act out what can only be described as a total shitshow.

Final Stupidity Tally: 80 killed, 347 wounded
October 2015: 31 dead, 203 wounded
October 2014: 39 dead, 215 wounded

A breakdown of the month’s idiocy shows:

  • 74 shot & killed
  • 6 killed via other means
  • 2 ongoing “death investigations”
  • 2 police-involved, non-fatal shootings
  • 67 in serious or critical condition
  • 72 males killed vs 7 females
  • 100 teenagers shot, 12 killed
  • 21 grazed
  • 3 selfies
  • 26 #ShotInTheAss

Looking ahead, November typically sees the pace of stupidity slow greatly, however given how this year is turning out, this month should be another doozy. Last November put up 37 homicides with an additional 165 shot and wounded. We’re looking for 65 homicides plus another 275 shot and wounded with the 700th homicide being tallied around Thanksgiving.

Bonus: If the Cubs win the World Series, we expect parts of the city to first expand into a red giant and then go nova.