Enlightening Commentary

Not-A-Lockdown April

Posted on April 30, 2020

Carnac the Magnificent While Mayor Scolding Karen and Governor Mass Gathering yammer on daily about how if we go outside we’ll commit mass murder (except for haircuts and horse farms), actual mass murdering continued at an elevated pace despite “this is not a lockdown, it’s not martial law” in place for the entire month.

April 2020: 57 killed, 195 wounded
April 2019: 66 killed, 187 wounded
April 2018: 42 killed, 181 wounded
April 2017: 49 killed, 270 wounded
April 2016: 40 killed, 274 wounded
April 2015: 37 killed, 204 wounded
April 2014: 37 killed, 232 wounded

A breakdown of the month’s idiocy shows:

  • 53 (93%) shot & killed
  • 2 stabbed
  • 2 beaten
  • A person killed every 12 hours, 38 minutes
  • A person shot & wounded every 3 hours, 42 minutes
  • 6 days were homicide-free
  • 0 shot by CPD
  • 2 ruled self defense
  • 2 homicide-linked arrests
  • 28 in serious or critical condition
  • 52 males killed vs 5 females
  • 47 Blacks killed vs 5 Hispanics vs 5 Whites
  • Average age of a homicide victim, 30
  • Youngest homicide victim, 15, oldest, 68
  • 47 teenagers shot, 5 killed
  • 12 grazed
  • 5 selfies
  • 15 #ShotInTheAss

Given the not-a-lockdown and a slowing March, we were guessing April would come in at most around 40 homicides with another 150 shot and wounded. Silly us for thinking diktats and decrees mean anything to trigger pullers and lead catchers. Now with Spring Training in its final weeks and warmer weather cancelling out the scolding, we’re forecasting a 60 homicide May with an additional 250 shot and wounded. The usual Memorial Day weekend shitshow may be more so than usual.