Enlightening Commentary

Chicago Values Update

Posted on April 1, 2020

1970s CPDAs a wise man once said, “You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” That said, Baltimore may have come up with the idea, but look for Chicago to turn it into an opportunity.

Following Baltimore’s lead, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot begged her constituents to stop filling up emergency rooms with gunshot, stabbing and beating victims in light of the global COVID-19 pandemic.

“We need all available beds for coronavirus patients and we can’t have our crimes of poverty victims using up our limited and valuable hospital resources. Once the pandemic passes, there will be ample opportunity to kill and maim. All we’re asking is that you put the guns down,” Lightfoot said Monday while trying not to laugh through the “put the guns down” line.

She added, “As I and others have said countless times, the level of violence is completely acceptable. We will tolerate murder, mass shootings, car jackings and an increase in crime but now is not the time. That’s what summer is for.”

Lightfoot wrapped up her remarks by saying that the police would be looking to improve on their single digit arrest rate, adding, “For those of you who want to continue to shoot and kill people, please hold off until the lockdown, I mean, stay-at-home order is lifted and then have at it.”

Do your part Chicago jagoffs.