Overtime ClockThe overtime/manpower shell game has been going on for years now, roughly averaging $100 million a year. Given this year’s shitty performance thus far and the forthcoming Summer Hunger Games, the dollar figure can only up and up and up.

“The Chicago Police Department spent a record $116.1 million on overtime in 2015 — up 17.2 percent from the previous year — to mask a manpower shortage that has mushroomed under Mayor Rahm Emanuel, with police retirements outpacing hiring by 975 officers.

“Overtime is totally out of control. Arrests are down. Stops are down. Crime is up. All we’re doing is paying people to do nothing,” said Ald. Anthony Beale (9th), former chairman of the City Council’s Police Committee.

“If we’re not getting the bang for the buck, we need to stop paying overtime and do the resources allocation I’ve been talking about for years” by reassigning officers to districts where crime is highest, Beale said.”

We’re already doling out generous pay and benefits to 50 part-time aldercreatures who do nothing and by nothing we mean ban stuff, raise taxes and pass along perk$ to their cronies. Maybe Rahm can take them off of desk duty and put them on patrol instead so we can get more bang for our buck.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Al Bundy, Shoot me, $12

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 35 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 3 killed, 19 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 2 killed, 25 wounded

Friday 4/1
12:35p 1000 N St. Louis, Humboldt Park, M/22
4:00p 3400 W Sunnyside, Albany Park, M/20 (selfie)
5:00p 3900 N Pulaski, Irving Park, M/56
5:10p 6400 S King, Grand Crossing, M/19
5:55p 8100 S Jeffery, South Chicago, M/18
5:55p 8100 S Jeffery, South Chicago, M/21
7:05p 11300 S Stewart, Roseland, M/21
7:05p 11300 S Stewart, Roseland, M/27
7:05p 11300 S Stewart, Roseland, M/31
Saturday 4/2
3:25a 4300 W Kinzie, Garfield Park, F/17
4:40a 7100 S Ashland, Englewood, M/30
10:20a 500 N Mayfield, Austin, M/17
1:00p 4900 W Adams, Austin, M/27
2:20p 3100 N Central, Belmont Cragin, M/28
5:30p 7800 S Cornell, South Shore, M/27
5:30p 7800 S Cornell, South Shore, M/30
6:25p 300 S Pulaski Rd, Garfield Park, M/29
6:25p 300 S Pulaski Rd, Garfield Park, M/33
9:00p 9000 S Burley, South Chicago, M/22 (selfie)
11:30p 7300 S Homan, Chicago Lawn, M/24
11:45p 3600 N Pulaski, Irving Park, M/51
Sunday 4/3
1:05a 4000 W 26th, Little Village, M/17
1:10a 800 N Central Park, Humboldt Park, M/29
1:10a 800 N Central Park, Humboldt Park, F/32
5:40a 4400 W Monroe, Garfield Park, M/20
11:50a 7100 S Vincennes, Grand Crossing, M/28
5:40p 900 N Lamon, Austin, M/23
5:40p 900 N Lamon, Austin, M/24
7:20p 11300 S Indiana, Roseland, M/27
8:15p 10800 S Indiana, Roseland, M/19
8:40p 3100 W 40th, Brighton Park, M/16
9:00p 6400 S Richmond, Chicago Lawn, M/20
10:05p 4800 S Halsted, New City, M/31
10:35p 6500 S Kenwood, Woodlawn, M/20
10:35p 6500 S Kenwood, Woodlawn, M/21
Monday Overtime
12:20a 1300 S Millard, North Lawndale, M/21
1:25a 7100 S Euclid, South Shore, M/25

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Map of ChicagoWith crime spiking and finances tanking, the powers that be have decided that it’s time to press the panic button. More like slam the panic button, through the table and embed it into the highly polished oak flooring.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel will propose a dramatic reduction in the city’s footprint later this month. The move would look to shave not only square mileage from the map but also jettison close to a million residents, many of which are in poorer, crime ridden neighborhoods.

Previews of the radical plan look to reverse the annexation trend of that started not long after Chicago was incorporated in 1837 through the most recent addition of O’Hare Field in 1956. The proposal calls for shrinking the city limits back to its 1850s-1880s era boundaries – Western Ave to the west, Fullerton Ave to the north and Pershing Rd to the south. The townships of Lake View, Jefferson and Norwood Park along with O’Hare Field would also be apart of this “new” Chicago which would include most of the north and northwest sides.

The proposal leaves much of the South and West sides to their own devices to which critics have accused the mayor of simply trying to offload problem neighborhoods.

Others see a power vacuum developing, including 23rd Ward Alderman Michael Zalewski, whose ward includes Midway Airport. Zalewski called “dibs” on not only the airport but also the neighborhoods of Garfield Ridge and Clearing.

“If this is where we’re headed, I owe it to my constituents to lay claim to Midway immediately before that 9 and a half fingered, dictatorial midget decides to reannex the Stevenson and Cicero Ave just to keep Midway as part of his “new'” Chicago,” Zalewski said while aggressively using double finger air quotes.

Zalewski went on to say that he’d hope to name the new town “South Copland” in honor of the police officers that live in his ward. “I think it’s a pretty cool name and those jagoffs in Mt. Greenwood better not getting any ideas. It’s taken. Pricks.”

Pricks indeed.


The old saying of “correlation does not imply causation” is true in most cases, however we’re likely looking at a case were “correlation does imply causation”.

“Police stops in Chicago are down nearly 90 percent as the Chicago Police Department continues to struggle with bad morale and incessant violence.

From the start of the year to last week, police made only 20,908 recorded investigative stops, said Anthony Guglielmi, a Chicago Police Department spokesman. Over the same period last year, there were 157,346 recorded stops.

Police also are seizing fewer guns: just 1,316 so far this year, while 1,413 were seized over the same period last year, Guglielmi said.

At the same time, shootings across the city are up 80 percent…”

Meh, it’s probably nothing.

Stay fetal.

Comic by xkcd.

Up, Up and Away

OnlyBy all measures, this year has been off to a jackrabbit start with winter weekends matching those seen in July or August and monthly totals not seen since the 1990s. As more people start to take notice, the “crime is down” proclamations have been replaced with “unacceptable” finger wagging.

“At least 775 people have been shot in the city so far this year, by far the most in the first three months of any year this decade, according to information compiled by DNAinfo Chicago.

The number is 80 percent higher than the number shot by the end of March last year, 419.

A DNAinfo analysis of city shootings found that there have been at least 650 separate incidents in Chicago in which someone was wounded through March 28, the highest number of shootings to start a year during this decade.

“We have a level of shootings and level of gun violence on the South and the West side that is unacceptable,” the mayor said.”

Unacceptable to most but completely acceptable to some for more than half a century now.

Hole(y) Weekend Stupidity

dead easter bunnyEaster weekend, for whatever reason, tends to reflect the image shown. In addition to the eggs, chocolate bunnies and lead, it’s also “Thou Shalt Not Murder” Easter Sunday. At this point we’d prefer to see a shooting free day. We’ve had 22 23! homicide free days this year already but haven’t had a shooting free day in nearly 13 months.

Final Stupidity Tally: 1 killed, 41 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 3 killed, 13 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 2 killed, 19 wounded

Friday 3/25
12:55p 4600 W West End, Austin, M/20
12:55p 4600 W West End, Austin, M/21
12:55p 4600 W West End, Austin, M/21
12:55p 4600 W West End, Austin, M/22
1:00p 500 W 115th, Roseland, M/19
4:05p 5900 S Yale, Englewood, M/25
4:05p 5900 S Yale, Englewood, M/25
5:25p 4900 W Auguta, Austin, M/30
South Shore Chainsaw Death Investigation
8:00p 5500 W Jackson, Austin, M/13
8:50p 6513 S Mozart, Chicago Lawn, M/23
9:30p 2600 W 50th, Gage Park, M/25
10:30p 13200 S St. Lawrence, Riverdale, M/22
Saturday 3/26
12:00a 1700 N Keystone, Humboldt Park, M/20
2:00p 6900 S Normal, Englewood, M/23
2:10p 7000 S Paulina, Englewood, M/27
2:10p 7000 S Paulina, Englewood, M/28
5:40p 6700 S Wolcott, Englewood, M/19
7:00p 300 E 47th, Grand Boulevard, M/36
7:40p 4000 W Lake, Garfield Park, M/29
7:45p 600 S Homan, Garfield Park, M/38
9:30p 900 N Karlov, Humboldt Park, M/25
9:30p 900 N Karlov, Humboldt Park, M/40
10:55p 800 N Sacramento, West Town, M/19
10:55p 800 N Sacramento, West Town, M/27
11:25p 6600 S King, Grand Crossing, M/22
Easter Sunday
12:15a 3900 W Thomas, Humboldt Park, M/19
12:15a 3900 W Thomas, Humboldt Park, M/21
12:15a 3900 W Thomas, Humboldt Park, M/24
1:00a 5100 W Washington, Austin, M/25
2:00a 1260 S Union, Near West Side, M/31
2:50a 2900 W 25th, Little Village, M/30
2:10p 5100 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/25
2:10p 5100 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/25
3:05p 10000 S Crandon, South Deering, M/16 (photos)
3:05p 10000 S Crandon, South Deering, M/17
4:45p 800 S Cicero, Austin, M/21
9:30p 6700 S Sangamon, Englewood, M/16
Monday Overtime
1:30a 3900 S Indiana, Grand Boulevard, M/29
2:10a 1200 N Hamlin, Humboldt Park, M/32
2:35a 5300 W Van Buren, Austin, M/29
4:10a 5700 W Grand, Belmont Cragin, M/42
4:10a 5700 W Grand, Belmont Cragin, M/23

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Lost and Found

Lost and foundAll hell broke loose last week when a misunderstood honor student shot three Chicago police officers while playing a game of gangway tag. Surprisingly, the seven-time convicted felon did not buy his heater from Cabela’s:

“The gun used in the shooting of three Chicago police officers last week has been linked to a former Chicago officer who later joined a police force in the northern suburbs, the Tribune has learned.

Chicago police now are trying to figure out how the gun — originally purchased by a man who until last Friday was a Lake County sheriff’s deputy — ended up in the hands of 29-year-old Lamar Harris, a convicted felon with dozens of arrests who was killed in the shootout with police.

Multiple law enforcement sources confirmed that authorities investigating the shooting have traced the weapon that wounded the three officers back to the deputy.

That officer was fired from his job with the Lake County sheriff’s department last Friday after being placed on leave two days earlier, Rich Bruno, vice president of the Illinois Council of Police, the union representing the deputies, confirmed.”


We’ll assume that all parties involved filled out all the necessary forms to ensure proper transfer of ownership and checked the “lost count” box when asked how many times you have been arrested. After all, that’s the law.


Chicago Skyline looking southWhere all the lights are bright, downtown… Waiting for you tonight, downtown… You’re gonna be alright now, downtown… unless you get shot tonight, downtown…:

“The city’s rise in crime hasn’t escaped Downtown, where shootings are on pace for the most in a year since at least 2010.

There have been nine Downtown shootings since Jan. 1, a figure that’s already approaching the 11 shootings police reported here in all of 2015. And the number of Downtown shootings reported since Jan. 1 already surpassed the area’s tally in the first three months of any year since at least 2010, the earliest period shooting data is available.

“I don’t remember anything like this ever happening,” said Deborah Gershbein, president of the Streeterville Organization of Active Residents, a neighborhood group. “But there weren’t as many guns randomly floating around Chicago.””

It’s not the guns sweetheart, it’s the maladjusted jagoffs that believe Lake Shore Drive and other main drags are their personal respect settle-up shooting galleries. Or maybe it’s the corrupt, useless politicians you’ve been supporting for half century that have now kneecapped the police. Or maybe it’s wrist slaps that allow said jagoffs a 2nd^10 chance to turn their lives around.

Things will be great when you’re downtown… Don’t wait a minute more, downtown… Everything is waiting for you, downtown…

UPDATE: Mere minutes after posting, case in point: Downtown Shooting Leaves Teen Wounded, Police Say

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Wheels came offA few homicides, a couple of off-duty officer-involved shootings and a deadly selfie added to an otherwise average March weekend.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 30 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 4 killed, 18 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 3 killed, 18 wounded

Friday 3/18
1:50p 3700 W Division, Humboldt Park, M/42
3:10p 3700 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, M/19
3:10p 3700 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, M/21
3:10p 3700 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, M/21
5:30p 4500 W Diversey, Hermosa, F/24
6:25p 1400 N Kildare, Humboldt Park, M/19
7:05p 10000 S Yates, South Deering, M/28
8:35p 11255 S Halsted, Roseland, M/28
9:00p 4600 W Jackson, Austin, M/18
10:15p 800 N Lockwood, Austin, M/43
10:15p 800 N Lockwood, Austin, M/47
Saturday 3/19
12:15a 4200 S Marshfield, New City, M/29
12:15a 4200 S Marshfield, New City, F/29
12:10p 2800 W 83rd, Ashburn, M/32
3:20p 900 N Central, Austin, F/23
3:20p 900 N Central, Austin, M/32
4:10p 4100 W 25th, Little Village, M/36
9:00p 3400 W Fulton, Garfield Park, M/22
10:30p 2700 N Monitor, Belmont Cragin, M/32 (story)
Sunday 3/20
12:00a 8500 S Paulina, Auburn Gresham, M/37
2:00a 9600 S Ewing, East Side, M/41
2:55a 7000 S Eberhart, Grand Crossing, M/30
4:35a 7900 S Eberhart, Chatham, M/31
5:00a 4900 S Laflin, New City, M/27
2:45p 4800 N Albany, Albany Park, M/23
2:45p 4800 N Albany, Albany Park, M/26
3:50p 7yo Accidentally shoots himself
4:20p 1300 S Karlov, North Lawndale, F/13
8:35p 8800 S Hermitage, Auburn Gresham, M/23
11:05p 4300 W Maypole, Garfield Park, M/20
Monday Overtime
2:20a Off-duty CPD Officer Shot
2:45a 7100 N Clark, Rogers Park, F/17
3:10a 1200 N Homan, Humboldt Park, M/29
5:15a 800 N Kostner, Humboldt Park, F/20

police involved
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Lake Shore Dr. Run-n-Gun

PO leaning out car window shootingScanner traffic put the start of this incident around Irving Park Rd, which makes for a nearly 5 mile run-n-gun joyride.

“A man was wounded in a shooting Wednesday night on Lake Shore Drive near Navy Pier.

Officers were called to the scene of a crash in the 500 block of North Lake Shore Drive about 10:30 p.m., according to Chicago Police. They arrived to find a 22-year-old man inside a car with a gunshot wound to his lower back.

He had been driving on Lake Shore when someone in a black SUV fired shots and hit him, police said. He was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where his condition was stabilized.”

This incident marks the 7th person to be shot on north Lake Shore Drive since the start of the year. Jagoffs should take note that Drive shootings are only acceptable during the annual July 4th shitshow.


Police shootoutFoot chases through dark gangways aren’t known for their positive outcomes:

“Three Chicago police officers were recovering from wounds Tuesday morning after an exchange of gunfire with a suspect who was shot dead during a chase through a dimly lit courtyard in the Homan Square neighborhood on the West Side, authorities said.

The shootout occurred around 9:40 p.m. as the officers were investigating “possible narcotics activity” in the 3700 block of West Polk Street, police said in a statement. They approached a man who took off running and then turned and fired, hitting one officer in the back, another in the foot and the third officer in the chest, possibly in his bullet-proof vest, police said.

At least one of the officers returned fire and killed the suspect, Sgt. Al Stinites said at the scene late Monday.”

This makes for the first on-duty shooting of a Chicago police officer since October 2014.

Shockingly, the now room temperature offender had quite the rap sheet:

“The man who was killed after shooting three Chicago Police officers Monday night was a felon with a gun conviction in his background, police said Tuesday.

Lamar Harris fired at the officers with an illegal handgun that was recovered at the scene of the West Side shooting, said Anthony Guglielmi, a police spokesman.

Harris, whose criminal record includes arrests under the aliases Jason Gibson and Lamont Harris, had seven felony convictions and 43 arrests on his rap sheet, Guglielmi said.”

Another law or two should put a stop to this sort of nonsense.

St. Patrick’s Stupidity

Drunk GirlThe Saturday before St. Patrick’s Day is always a special time of the year in Chicago. Bros, Chads and Trixies flood the bars of Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Lincoln Park, Old Town, etc… and proceed to make complete fools of themselves while on the West and South sides of town, the normal shitshow plays out in earnest.

Final Stupidity Tally: 5 killed, 26 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 6 killed, 28 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 3 killed, 6 wounded

Friday Pregame
9:20a 7300 S Paulina, Englewood, M/26
11:45a 1100 N Kevdale, Humboldt Park, M/24
Friday 3/11
2:10p 4600 N Magnolia, Uptown, M/17
2:20p 3000 W 60th, Chicago Lawn, F/23
5:10p 8800 S Wood, Auburn Gresham, M/19
5:45p 800 N Latrobe, Austin, M/20
6:20p 8200 S Euclid, South Chicago, M/37
7:45p 4200 S Archer, Brighton Park, M/17
7:45p 4200 S Archer, Brighton Park, M/17
8:10p 3800 W Flournoy, Garfield Park, M/24
9:00p 1000 N Hudson, Near North Side, M/21
10:30p 7100 S King, Grand Crossing, M/18
11:15p 5600 S May, Englewood, M/21
Saturday 3/12
12:10a 1400 N Western, West Town, M/21
3:30a 3200 W Addison, Irving Park, M/22
3:35a 2400 S Spaulding, Little Village, M/17
6:50a 1500 W Lunt, Rogers Park, M/18
1:00p 11800 S Emerald, West Pullman, M/24
1:40p 1300 W Garfield, New City, M/17
5:55p 1200 N Lockwood, Austin, M/21
6:35p 1400 W Morse, Rogers Park, M/18
9:35p 4000 W 18th, North Lawndale, M/16
9:35p 4000 W 18th, North Lawndale, M/16
9:35p 4000 W 18th, North Lawndale, M/19
SCC: Questions About Last Night
11:30p 4800 S Bishop, New City, M/19
Sunday 3/13
4:40a 1000 W Randolph, Near West Side, M/28
6:40a 3500 W Lexington, Garfield Park, M/25
St. Pat’s Drunken Stupidity Wrap-up
2:00p 5400 S Bishop, New City, M/16
3:30p 7000 S Eberhart, Grand Crossing, M/18
3:45p 9600 S Brennan, South Deering, F/27 (photos)
3:45p 9600 S Brennan, South Deering, M/29 (video)
7:50p 10013 S Indiana, Roseland, M/16
11:10p 7100 S Maplewood, Chicago Lawn, M/57

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Cell Phone TowerAnyone who has ridden public transportation within the last half decade would’ve no doubt noticed that most fellow passengers have their faces buried in their phones. To us, the sight of seeing dozens of people not paying attention to their surroundings always seemed a bit disconcerting. In any event, one man decided to f with his fellow passengers by jamming their Tinder sessions:

“The University of Chicago accountant caught using a cellphone jammer on a CTA train did it because he was annoyed by the chattering of people on their phones, his attorney said Wednesday.

“He was irritated by people constantly on their phones,” said Charles Lauer, attorney for Dennis Nicholl, 63.

Lauer said Nicholl used the jammer to get some peace and quiet during his daily commute.

Nicholl, a Rogers Park resident who takes the Red Line to work each day, was arrested Tuesday morning after he was identified as the man who has been using a “signal jamming device” on the train to disrupt communication for the Chicago Transit Authority and its passengers, police said.”

Dennis should know that the only people who are allowed to jam (and snoop) cell phones are police departments and the Feds and they don’t like competition. Instead of saying he was irritated, Dennis should have said that if he doesn’t jam signals the terrorists will win (and for the children too).


Black Friday protests, not Tyshawn Lee protestsRemember when the execution of 9-year-old Tyshawn Lee led to massive protest marches that demanded the police do anything and everything to bring his killer to justice? Neither do we. We do recall the mother of the deceased buying a new car (for safety reasons) and jetting off to Vegas for the weekend. In any event, the CPD got their man, and he isn’t a cop.

“A man already in the Cook County Jail on a gun case has been charged with the execution-style murder of 9-year-old Tyshawn Lee — and Chicago Police have identified him as the person who pulled the trigger.

Dwright Boone-Doty, 22, is charged with first-degree murder in Tyshawn’s slaying on Nov. 2, 2015, as well another murder and an attempted murder, Cook County prosecutors said Monday night. All three cases are thought to be gang-related, a source said.”

Two murders and an attempted murder, quite the honor student (and not a cop). Of course no honor student profile would be complete without an extensive rap sheet.

Boone-Doty was sentenced to five years in prison in July 2013 for unlawful possession of a firearm by a felon, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon and other narcotics convictions, prison records show. He was paroled in August 2015, three months before Tyshawn was lured into the alley in the 8000 block of South Damen and fatally shot.

Apparently Common Core math says 2013 + 5 now equals 2015. Who knew? It would also appear that he was able to repeatedly exploit the felon gunshow loophole. They should pass a law to stop that sort of thing from happening.

Photo credit: NBC News

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Shhh! Quiet Weekend. The weekend ended up being the quietest in a year.

Final Stupidity Tally: 1 killed, 15 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 5 killed, 19 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 0 killed, 11 wounded

Friday 3/4
4:05p 800 E 91st, Chatham, M/20 (photos, video)
7:40p 2600 W 24th, Little Village, M/14
8:30p 5900 S Bishop, Englewood, M/40
9:00p 600 E 81st, Chatham, M/29
9:00p 3800 W Division, Humboldt Park, M/34
9:30p 5000 S Calumet, Grand Boulevard, M/44
9:50p 8300 S St. Lawrence, Chatham, M/29
Saturday 3/5
10:00p 10200 S Perry, Roseland, M/35
10:30p 400 S Springfield, Garfield Park, M/17
10:35p 1600 S St Louis, North Lawndale, M/17
10:35p 1600 S St Louis, North Lawndale, M/20
Sunday 3/6
3:00a 100 E 11th, Loop, M/26
3:20a 3300 W Van Buren, Garfield Park, M/21
6:30p 200 W 110th, Roseland, M/18
9:00p 700 N Cicero, Austin, M/31
11:30p 6000 N Elston, Norwood Park, M/23

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday
Photo credit: The Onion

Like, Totally

Totally UnacceptableIt seems like just yesterday when we were repeatedly told that crime is down, strategies are working and we aren’t going to pay a lot for that videotape muffler. Today, things are a bit different and we’re not hearing any of the above anymore (not even about the muffler). At least you’ll be happy to know that all of the stupid crap highlighted on this page is “totally unacceptable”.

“Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Wednesday branded as “totally unacceptable” the bloodbath that has Chicago on pace to reach 600 homicides in 2016.

The mayor also acknowledged that the police shooting of Laquan McDonald and the sweeping federal civil rights investigation triggered by dash cam video of a white police officer pumping sixteen rounds into the body of a black teenager has resulted in an unfortunate decline in pro-active policing.

Emanuel can no longer deny that Chicago Police officers are being less aggressive in the continuing fallout from the police shooting of Laquan McDonald and the time-consuming, but recently revised forms that must be filled out by officers after they stop people.

That’s obvious by the 87-percent drop in the number of police stops this year while homicides and shootings are through the roof, to levels not seen since the 1990’s.”

The unacceptable will become the accepted – crime will rise, taxes will go up, the same losers will get elected promising the same crap all while maladjusted jagoffs acceptingly terrorize neighborhoods.

February Wrap-up

Train WreckTypically, February is the quietest month of the year. Maybe it’s because it’s short of few days, the lousy weather or Valentine’s Day keeps people inside for a few extra minutes. Whatever the reasons may be, this February will either an outlier (like March 2012) or portend the coming of a new normal.

“Amid a spike in shootings, the city of Chicago has witnessed its deadliest start to the year in nearly two decades, according to crime statistics.

With January and February complete, the Chicago Police Department counts 95 homicides, the same as in 1999. There hasn’t been a deadlier start to the year since 1997, when the city had 101 homicides in the first two months and 761 for the full year.

The official police count includes only violent deaths considered criminal. This year’s toll rises to at least 102 if all violent deaths are counted, including a man shot by police and two alleged robbers killed by a shop owner in a shooting considered justified by investigators. By that same measure, there were 52 violent deaths by Feb. 28 last year — about half this year’s total, according to data compiled by the Tribune.”

February alone witnessed a 125% increase in homicides and a 162% increase with those maimed vs last year’s colder and snowier time period. We expect March to be more of the same, if not worse. Fetal police, pandering politicians and maladjusted jagoffs along with the likelihood of warmer weather will make for a bloody start to spring.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Nothing to See Here Folks... Naked Gun1997 was the last time Chicago put up 100+ homicides in the first two months of the year, and that year wrapped up with 761. Nothing to see here folks…

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 26 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 0 killed, 5 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 6 killed, 5 wounded

Friday 2/26
12:30p 100 W 95th, Roseland, M/35
2:55p 2100 W Cermak, Lower W Side, M/16
4:25p 8900 S Morgan, Washington Heights, M/24
9:45p 3800 S Princeton, Armour Square, F/30
10:00p 1100 S Whipple, North Lawndale, F/19
10:00p 1100 S Whipple, North Lawndale, F/21
10:00p 1100 S Whipple, North Lawndale, M/26
10:10p 600 S Trumbull, Garfield Park, M/19 (selfie)
11:55p 8300 S Colfax Ave, South Chicago, M/36
Saturday 2/27
12:30a 3900 W Madison, Garfield Park, M/27
1:30p 5700 S Winchester, Englewood, M/41
1:30p 5700 S Winchester, Englewood, M/48
2:30p 7300 S Jeffery, South Shore, M/17 (junk)
3:45p 900 W 85th, Auburn Gresham, M/?
3:45p 900 W 85th, Auburn Gresham, F24
4:00p 8300 S Ada, Auburn Gresham, M/24
4:45p 2400 S Sacramento, Little Village, M/22
5:30p 3700 W 13th, North Lawndale, F/19
9:00p 4800 W Barry, Belmont Cragin, M/22
9:25p 5000 W Thomas, Austin, M/17
10:20p 7300 S Sangamon, Englewood, M/21
Sunday 2/28
12:55a 2800 N Oak Park, Montclare, F/21
1:35a 1200 S Springfield, North Lawndale, M/39
2:20a 7900 S East End, South Chicago, M/17
4:00a 9500 S Lafayette, Roseland, M/30
A Very Special Anniversary.
2:50p 6700 S Claremont, Chicago Lawn, M/20
4:50p 1700 N Kedzie, Humboldt Park, M/26
7:30p 1100 N Pulaski, Humboldt Park, F/24

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Time To Panic?

BeakerNot long ago, monthly press releases and/or parading politicians would proclaim crime has never been more down. Now it’s silence because crime hasn’t been this up in nearly 20 years.

“The city is on track to have 700 murders in 2016, Cook County State’s Attorney Anita Alvarez said Wednesday. That would be the highest number of homicides in Chicago in nearly 20 years.

Homicides have already nearly doubled this year, with more than 93 99 murders since the start of January. There were only 52 murders in all of January and February last year.

If the city does have 700 or more homicides this year, it will be the highest number of murders since 1998, when 704 people were killed.”

700 to us seems like a bit of a stretch, but certainly within the realm of possibilities. We’re thinking more like the low 600s.

Of course, there can only be one explanation:

“The cause? An “epidemic of gun violence and a flood of illegal guns,” she said, echoing what Mayor Rahm Emanuel and former Chicago Police Supt. Garry McCarthy have been saying for years.”

They should pass a law or something. That’ll fix it.

“For The Children” Update

Warning Revenue CameraWith the recent run up in stupidity, we nearly missed a vital “for the children” update:

“Chicago violated the “fundamental principles of justice, equity and good conscience” by denying due process to motorists issued red-light camera and speed-camera tickets, a judge has ruled, declaring those tickets “void.”

In a harshly worded ruling handed down late Friday, Circuit Court Judge Kathleen Kennedy kept alive a lawsuit seeking hundreds of millions dollars in refunds for motorists ticketed since 2003 after City Hall “skipped a step” mandated by the city’s own municipal code.

The lawsuit filed nearly a year ago accused the Emanuel administration of violating the requirement to issue a second notice of violation before issuing a determination of liability against motorists issued speed-camera and red-light camera tickets.”

Violating “fundamental principles” and “skipping a step” doesn’t sound very Chicago to us. The children aren’t going to be very happy when millions of dollars worth of puppies, bunnies and skittles are taken from their grimy little hands and given back to the adults.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Chicago Police, Cabrini Green, MLK Riots, 1968Spring-like temps means summer-like numbers in February.

Final Stupidity Tally: 5 killed, 28 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 3 killed, 9 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 3 killed, 7 wounded

Friday 2/19
4:50p 4600 W Monroe, Austin, M/24
6:25p 2700 W Flournoy, Garfield Park, M/16
6:40p 3400 W Van Buren, Garfield Park, M/20
7:40p 4600 S Albany, Brighton Park, M/21
8:30p 9300 S Cottage Grove, Burnside, M/61
11:25p 8500 S Hermitage, Auburn Gresham, M/19
Saturday 2/20
2:00a 2109 S Wabash, Near South Side, F/29
2:00a 2109 S Wabash, Near South Side, M/36
3:10a 6300 N Western, West Ridge, M/20
4:20a 8200 S Marshfield, Auburn Gresham, M/17
1:50p 1500 S Trumbull, North Lawndale, M/26
2:10p 9500 S Loomis, Washington Heights, M/25
2:55p 5600 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/18
3:00p 5600 S Wolcott, Englewood, M/3
3:40p 5700 S Calumet, Washington Park, M/22
5:50p 5600 S Shields, Englewood, M/18
6:00p 2800 S Short, Bridgeport, F/35
7:00p 8000 S Stewart, Chatham, M/23
7:00p 8000 S Stewart, Chatham, M/24
8:30p 5700 S Seeley, Englewood, M/21
9:20p 1600 N Lake Shore Dr, Near North Side, M/25
10:00p 8000 S Harvard, Chatham, M/33
Sunday 2/21
2:30a 600 E 79th, Grand Crossing, M/23
2:30a 600 E 79th, Grand Crossing, M/25
4:05a 5100 S Cottage Grove, Washington Park, M/20
5:45a 3000 N Harlem, Dunning, M/27
5:45a 3000 N Harlem, Dunning, M/34
12:20p 9200 S Chappel, Calumet Heights, M/19
1:10p 5400 S Harper, Hyde Park, F/23
1:10p 5400 S Harper, Hyde Park, M/32
2:20p 4500 S Marshfield, New City, M/16
2:40p 5900 S Normal, Englewood, M/23
Monday Overtime
4:25a 1800 W Birchwood, Rogers Park, M/27

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Pan Violence

Pan violence While lead delivery devices receive much of the blame for generational stupidity, their heavier, heat resistant and non-stick cousins are occasionally called into service with sometimes deadly results.

“A 64-year-old West Ridge man was brutally beaten to death with a frying pan at a birthday party, prosecutors said Wednesday.

The victim, Cary “Mike” Silverstein, was reported missing in December when he missed two meetings and failed to speak with his sister, whom he usually talked to daily, Assistant State’s Attorney Brian Whang said during a bond hearing Wednesday.

Silverstein’s body — which was thrown in a dumpster and brought to a suburban landfill — still hasn’t been found, prosecutors said.”

And here we thought (as did the pan) we were operating under the ‘no body, no crime’ methodology. In any event, the pan attempted to clean up the mess, but did a poor job of reenacting CSI (William) Sonoma.

“Silverstein was hosting a birthday party for a friend when he got into an argument with one of Lehman’s male accomplices about 7:30 p.m., Whang said.

The accomplice accused Silverstein of saying derogatory things to his girlfriend, and punched Silverstein in the face before leaving the party to cool off, prosecutors said.

The accomplice returned a short while later, and he, Lehman and a third male began to punch and kick Silverstein, according to prosecutors. The group repeatedly beat Silverstein with a metal frying pan until the man was dead.

At that point, the three attackers and the first accomplice’s girlfriend — Shatrara Lehman — devised a plan to get rid of Silverstein’s body, Whang said.

The group cleaned Silverstein’s blood with water and bleach, and washed the frying pan, prosecutors said. They removed Silverstein’s clothes and tried to wash his body before placing him in a makeshift body bag made of two garbage bags taped together, Whang added.”

Universal background checks, restricting pan size to 8″ and closing the pan show loophole are the answer to stopping rampant cookware violence.


One sick bastardOver the years, we’ve read more than our share of sad, sick and/or sadistic stories. This one however is one of the more f’d up ones:

“Allen McDowell, 23, of the 4000 block of North Sheridan Road, was arrested last week with the Ventra card of a man with cerebral palsy who says he was raped Feb. 2 in the Downtown park, prosecutors said.

The details came to light Friday, when McDowell and five others were charged with various crimes in Cook County Circuit Court. McDowell was charged with armed robbery, robbery, aggravated battery to a transit employee/rider, aggravated criminal sexual assault and aggravated armed robbery.

Prosecutors allege McDowell met the 26-year-old rape victim Downtown, where they shared a cigar and alcohol in an alley.

The pair then headed to Grant Park, where McDowell threatened the victim with a heavy object and told the man he’d killed people before, according to prosecutors. McDowell allegedly raped the man and forced him to perform oral sex before stealing the victim’s wallet, cellphone and Ventra card.

McDowell and five others would continue a string of Downtown robberies and batteries last week until Feb. 10, when they were arrested. In one robbery, the offenders beat a CTA passenger with a hammer until he lost consciousness.”

The only thing missing from this story is the “turning his life around” happy ending. In any event, all those charges should be good enough for time served and he’ll be back on the street in 6-9 months turning other peoples’ lives around, again, still.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Chicago: Iced over parked carSingle digit temps, sub-zero wind chills and the possibility of a half a foot of snow would typically call for the weekend off, but not this year.

Final Stupidity Tally: 7 killed, 14 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 2 killed, 7 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 2 killed, 2 wounded

Friday 2/12
5:00p 3100 W 64th, Chicago Lawn, M/32
11:15p 1000 W 32nd, Bridgeport, M/21
11:15p 1000 W 32nd, Bridgeport, M/26
Saturday 2/13
1:00a 1200 W Lunt, Rogers Park, M/26
2:00a 6800 S Lawndale, West Lawn, M/22
2:00a 6800 S Lawndale, West Lawn, M/23
2:00a 6800 S Lawndale, West Lawn, M/25
2:10a 500 S Lavergne, Austin, M/24
3:50a 4700 S Laflin, New City, M/24
5:25a 300 S Cicero, Austin, F/25

11:15p 5400 W Kamerling, Austin, M/39 (Ban Cars!)
St. Valentine’s Day
1:00a 9700 S Sangamon, Washington Heights, M/22
3:30a 4500 N Lockwood, Portage Park, M/17
4:15a 3400 W Beach, Humboldt Park, M/31
1929 2122 N Clark, Lincoln Park, 7 Killed
10:50a 5000 S Champlain, Grand Boulevard, M/25
10:50a 5000 S Champlain, Grand Boulevard, M/26

❄❄ Snow Delay ❄❄
8:10p 4750 S Hamlin, Archer Heights, M/23
9:05p 3400 W 84th, Ashburn, M/35
11:35p 8000 S Indiana, Chatham, M/22
11:50p 100 W 101st, Roseland, F/29
11:50p 100 W 101st, Roseland, M/35

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Justie Number 5

Self Defense ZoneBesides a late 90’s-like trend showing up in shootings and homicides, another trend is moving up and to the right, justifiable homicides.

“A man shot in a confrontation with a concealed-carry owner in Lakeview last week has died, according to authorities.

Lazane Clark, 55, was pronounced dead at 6:40 p.m. Wednesday at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center, after being shot about 11 a.m. Feb. 4 in the 800 block of West Oakdale Avenue, according to the Cook County medical examiner’s office. He died from a gunshot wound to the chest, the medical examiner’s office determined following an autopsy Thursday.

A 67-year-old North Riverside man who was arrested following the shooting was released without charges, according to police.”

This incident now brings the total number of “justies” this year to five (including this one and this one too) along with three others wounded. Last year saw a total of five “justies”, three of which were domestic related stabbings.

UPDATE: Apparently, the deceased was a popular fixture around the neighborhood, and by popular we mean a real jagoff.


A heartbreaking story:

Aaren O’Connor grew up in southern California but it is in Chicago, where she was shot to death, that her father hopes her legacy lives on.

“People need to know what’s going on and what kind of loss is taking place here,” said David O’Connor, who is helping to raise money in his daughter’s name for at-risk children in Chicago. “I want her name and her voice to be the impetus for bringing all this violence to an end. I know that’s asking a lot.”

His 25-year-old daughter was found struck in the head by a stray bullet around 7:30 p.m. Friday, sitting in her car near her home in the Heart of Chicago neighborhood, talking on the phone with her family back in San Diego, according to police and the family.

“She was having trouble speaking,” David O’Connor said. “She didn’t know where she was. She kept saying her head hurts, her head hurts. I thought maybe she was having a stroke or something.”

O’Connor’s father said he has been told by police that someone was being chased down the street, turned around and fired shots at people pursuing him around 7:30 p.m. One of the bullets hit his daughter, David O’Connor said.

We don’t have much to add other than we’ll speculate that those involved weren’t running home from choir practice nor will Ms O’Connor be the last innocent victim of jagoffs making poor life choices.

A Memorial Fund has been set up in honor of Ms O’Connor.

Holy Smokes

Smoking NunsWe’ve penned a few posts over the years arguing that raising taxes on smokes will only result in less tax revenue, a bigger black market with lots of stupidity to go along with it. It would seem that certain someones have either been reading our posts or they just applied some common sense. Given the audience in question, we’ll go with reading:

“Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s plan to raise Chicago’s smoking age from 18 to 21, slap a $6 million tax on cigars, roll-your-own tobacco and smokeless tobacco and ban coupons and discounts was snuffed out Monday — for the time being at least — after running into a buzz-saw of aldermanic opposition.

A vote by the City Council’s Finance Committee that should have been routine instead brought aldermen out of the woodwork to dump on the mayor’s plan.

Instead of lining up behind the mayor’s goal of reducing teen smoking, aldermen from across the city argued that taxing tobacco products yet again would drive up the black market sale of loose cigarettes that tend to breed “gun violence” and drive small retailers out of business, especially those near the city limits.”

What about the revenue children? Why won’t anyone think of the revenue children!

Super Weekend Stupidity

Super Bowl XXWill a large, televised sports ball event help slow things down? Stay tuned. Nope.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 23 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 2 killed, 11 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 3 killed, 8 wounded

Friday 2/5
5:25p 1600 S Lawndale, North Lawndale, M/13
5:25p 7600 S Dorchester, South Shore, M/25
7:25p 2000 W 21st, Lower West Side, F/25 (story)
8:30p 100 W 31st, Douglas, M/23
11:30p 7100 S Calumet, Grand Crossing, M/21
Saturday 2/6
2:00a 4500 S Whipple, Brighton Park, M/15
8:00a 1600 S Central Park, North Lawndale, M/24
4:20p 4800 W Monroe, Austin, M/16
10:05p 400 N Springfield, Humboldt Park, M/20
10:30p 7200 S Peoria, Englewood, M/37
11:10p 1600 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/33
11:30p 2200 W Division, West Town, M/32
Sunday 2/7
1:45a I290/Racine, Near West Side, M/19
3:05a 4300 W 27th, Little Village, M/38
4:20a Man run over by car after River North fight
6:10a 5800 S Albany, Gage Park, M/32
12:45p 3900 W Augusta, Humboldt Park, M/21
12:45p 3900 W Augusta, Humboldt Park, M/20
5:55p 6500 S Green, Englewood, M/15
5:55p 6500 S Green, Englewood, M/15
5:55p 6500 S Green, Englewood, F/17
5:55p 6500 S Green, Englewood, M/18
7:20p 941 N Fairfield, West Town, M/29
7:55p 6300 S Campbell, Chicago Lawn, M/23 (selfie)
11:40p 3000 W Eastwood, Albany Park, M27
Monday Overtime
1:00a 6600 S Western, Chicago Lawn, M/34
4:25a 9300 S LaSalle, Roseland, F/26

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Gage Park Six

Police line, do not crossBreaking news isn’t our thing, but neither is the discovery a family being murdered.

“Five adults and a child were found dead inside a Gage Park home Thursday afternoon, all of them apparently stabbed, police said.

Officers discovered the bodies around 1:05 p.m. after being called to a brick bungalow in the 5700 block of South California Avenue for a well-being check, said Officer Nicole Trainor, a Chicago police spokeswoman.

A relative identified the dead as a family who lived in the home. Police said the victims were four men, one woman and a child 11 or 12 years old. A co-worker of the woman called police after he did not see her for several days, a source said.”

We’ll post more as the story solidifies. Until then, we’ll await the President to comment on this apparent mass murder incident.

UPDATE: This incident looks to have occurred on either Tuesday or Wednesday. We’ve added six to the Year to Date and February to Date tallies. Five of the six were stabbed, one was shot multiple times. If the details change, so will the stats. Stay tuned.

Latest news stories:

Victims of Gage Park slayings ID’d as couple in 60s, son, daughter and her 2 young sons

6 Dead in Gage Park: All Bungalow Doors Were Locked When Police Arrived

Deaths of all six victims in Gage Park ruled homicides by medical examiner

Math is Hard

Math is hardActually, it’s not, but when it comes to Chicago’s finances, even the most basic of equations return #REF! or #DIV/0!. Case in point:

“After putting a long-expected bond sale on hold last week, Chicago Public Schools managed to borrow $725 million Wednesday by promising investors extraordinarily high interest rates.

Bonds issued by taxing bodies like CPS are normally considered sound investments, but that’s not the case with a school district weighed down by debt, labor uncertainty and political tumult, one market analyst said.

Documents released early Wednesday afternoon show CPS sold 28-year bonds at yields of 8.5 percent. Before the district pulled its bond issue last week, it was offering 25-year bonds at 7.75 percent. By comparison, when the state of Illinois sold bonds earlier this month, yields were 4.27 percent for 25-year bonds.

CPS says it needs the bond money to cover existing debt payments and cover construction and repair projects that are deemed critical.”

If Chicago Public Schools (CPS) was a company, it would have been taken out back and shot decades ago. Yet, somehow this 35% failure rate cash furnace lumbers on like a drunk, frat bro down Clark St at 2am on St. Patrick’s Day. At least the bro eventually sobers up.

January’s 57

Tire fireHooboy… what a shitshow. A 100% increase in successful lead deliveries left 53 dead, plus another four non-lead related makes for 57 homicides – the most since the late 1990’s. Sure, the weather was more hospitable than those Polar Vortex hobbled years of 2014 and 2015, but putting up summer-like numbers in January does not set a positive, let’s-form-a-drum-circle tone for the rest of the year.

“By 8 a.m. Sunday, the final day of the month, about 280 people had been shot in January, according to a Tribune analysis of Police Department data. Shootings nearly doubled from last January and — perhaps more worrisome — jumped nearly 60 percent from the first month of 2012, the last year in which homicides rose above 500.

But what makes January’s numbers so troubling is that the uptick in violence follows two successive years in which shootings rose by double-digits. Homicides also rose by about 12.5 percent last year over 2014.

What is driving the violence is unclear other than Chicago’s unrelenting gang woes in impoverished, segregated pockets of the city’s South and West sides.”

No. It’s pretty clear. Stupid shit has been happening in these pockets for the better part of a half century. However, the current upward trend started around September of 2014. Draw your own conclusions.

January’s 60 year homicide average was 46. February’s is 42. Maybe we’re just reverting to the mean, but with better medical technology and Facebook (but still no flying cars or moon bases).

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Chicago Police Firing RangeEarly spring-like weather helped put up summer-like numbers leaving us with the deadliest January since the late 1990s.

Final Stupidity Tally: 9 killed, 25 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 4 killed, 7 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 2 killed, 10 wounded

Friday 1/29
12:05p 3800 W Gladys, Garfield Park, M/20
6:20p 5100 W Division, Austin, M/20
10:55p 111 N Kedzie, Garfield Park, M/28
10:55p 111 N Kedzie, Garfield Park, M/30
10:55p 111 N Kedzie, Garfield Park, F/27
11:10p 855 W 61st, Englewood, M/20
11:30p 2100 W 71st, Englewood, M/26
11:55p 4300 W Wilcox, Garfield Park, F/24
Saturday 1/30
1:05a 5900 S Bishop, Englewood, M/19
2:55a 4500 W Washington, Garfield Park, M/31

5:00a 6400 S King, Grand Crossing, M/44
11:15a 2800 W Hirsch, West Town, M/20
12:30p 7200 S Paulina, Englewood, M/17 (selfie)
1:00p 1500 S Kolin, North Lawndale, M/21
2:35p 100 E 69th, Grand Crossing, M/35
6:20p 4100 W West End, Garfield Park, M/20
8:05p 8600 S Pulaski, Ashburn, M/22
10:45p 1100 N Springfield, Humboldt Park, M/?
11:45p 9300 S Chappel, Calumet Heights, M/39
Sunday 1/31
12:40a 2200 S Kolin, North Lawndale, M/18
2:30a 400 N Lavergne, Austin, M/20
4:40a 7300 S Paulina, Englewood, M/? (story & more)
5:15a 400 E 62nd, Woodlawn, M/30 (self defense)
5:15a 3700 N California, Irving Park, M/21 (story)
5:15a 3700 N California, Irving Park, M/16
5:25a 5107 W Madison, Austin, M/25
12:45p 2800 W Roosevelt, North Lawndale, M/16
1:15p 3300 W Beach, Humboldt Park, M/58
3:35p 4200 S Michigan, Grand Boulevard, M/15
6:25p 10200 S Forest, Roseland, F/37
8:30p 1500 N Menard, Austin, M/25
9:40p 5600 W Bloomingdale, Austin, M/18
9:50p 6100 S Sacramento, Chicago Lawn, M/15
Monday Overtime
12:30a 500 S Cicero, Austin, M/42

police involved
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Family Guy: Peter and Consuela As we head into the final, spring-like weekend of an already bloody January, we thought it’d be a good time to clarify how we count, tally and otherwise make sense of all this crap. We’ll start with murders vs homicides:

Chicago has begun the year with the most murders since 2002, according to data compiled by the Tribune and the Chicago Police Department.

With the fatal beating of a student Thursday on the campus of the Illinois Institute of Technology, the city has seen at least 47 violent deaths so far this month, data show. Two of those deaths — teens shot to death while robbing a liquor store — are not being classified as murders because the shooting was considered justified by police.

That so far brings the official total of deaths this year classified as murders by the department to 45, matching the total for all of January in 2002. Monthly breakdowns of violent crime in the city are readily available only to 2001.”

Our favorite pickup line (which worked every time) is “all murders are homicides, but not all homicides are murder” baby. The CPD tallies murders. We tally homicides which includes justifiable and police-involved fatalities. The two counts will never equal one another and homicides will always be greater than murders.

Then there’s the issue of which day, month and/or year gets credit for a homicide when the victim expires long after the date of the incident. This month alone, there have been three late passings – here, here and here. In each case, we apply the death back to the date of the original incident, not to the time and date of passing. Therefore none of these three will count towards the current month or year.


January’s Bloodbath

Not Chicago, but may as well be. With several days to go, this January will already be the deadliest since the late 1990s. In recent years we were told that crime was down due to “strategies” and that Polar Vortex-hobbled winters has nothing to do it. Apparently, those strategies no longer worked so it’s time to try something else:

Acting Chicago Police Supt. John Escalante said Tuesday he has challenged his patrol command staff to come up with strategies to stem a January bloodbath in Chicago that has left 42 46 people dead, five eight of them in the last 24 36 hours.

“It’s unique to Chicago. The major cities around the country that saw the same spike we did last year aren’t seeing that spike this year. So we have been working very hard to try to pinpoint what might be causing it,” Escalante said.

Hmm… what could it be… Betting it has something to do with a law or two. Wait, that was the old Supt.

January shootings and homicides are way up, an anomaly during a cold weather month. And police stops, gun confiscation and other indicators of police activity are way down.

The 60 year homicide average for January is 46. One could make the argument that we’re simply reverting to the mean after an abnormally less lead-filled decade. It’s too early to say, but the combination of fetal cops, a fetal’er mayor and the usual maladjusted jagoffs with zero impulse control will likely team up for a shitshow not witnessed in a decade or more.

Happy Anniversary

Three StoogesBack in 2012, the combination of a rapidly rising body count along with the infamous uttering of the phrase “Chicago values” came together like chocolate and peanut better and the idea of a dashboard based on the “Chicago values” of murder, crime and mayhem was born.

On this day in 2013, we went live with a site that contained just a handful of homicide related charts. We didn’t track shootings nor did we, thankfully, provide any commentary.

Since then we’ve recorded nearly 1,500 homicides and 8,000 people shot. We’ve posted hundreds of pieces of poorly written commentary and have made thousands upon thousands of hours worth of updates, edits and additions.

We’d like to thank everyone who has visited, commented, emailed, followed, linked and liked and helped us make this idea a very minor success.

– The HeyJackass Crew

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Chicago Police officers on an armed tandem bike

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 20 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 4 killed, 23 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 3 killed, 14 wounded

Friday 1/22
12:05p 5000 S State, Grand Boulevard, M/27
2:00p 1800 W 87th, Auburn Gresham, M/33
2:00p 1800 W 87th, Auburn Gresham, M/39
6:45p 200 S Lotus, Austin, M/30
7:00p 400 N Ridgeway, Humboldt Park, M/37
9:15p 6701 N Clark, Rogers Park, F/19
Saturday 1/23
12:10a 13200 S Commercial,Hegewisch, M/21
1:35a 5200 W Congress, Austin, M/25
2:20a 2233 S King, Near S Side, M/25 (Story & Photos)
3:00a I57/111th St, Morgan Park, M/?
3:30a 300 N Cicero, Austin, F/37
7:00a 3300 W Polk, Garfield Park, M/22
6:30a 5000 W Harrison, Austin, M/26
1:30p 5500 W Harrison, Austin, M/39
1:40p 7600 S South Chicago, Avalon Park, M/17
2:00p 7200 S Bishop, Englewood, M/28
3:30p 3100 W Madison, Garfield Park, M/17
5:25p 11400 S Church, Morgan Park, M/24
6:05p 6900 N Greenview, Rogers Park, F/23
9:30p 6968 S Washtenaw, Chicago Lawn, M/15
10:45p 9600 S Calumet, Roseland, M/21
10:45p 9600 S Calumet, Roseland, M/26
Sunday 1/24
12:35a 600 N Lake Shore Dr, Near North Side, F/20
7:00a Hyatt Can’t Catch a Break
9:20a 3400 W Polk, Garfield Park, M/36

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Self Defense, Again

Self Defense ZoneLess than two weeks ago, two excitable youths (w/ notable records) were ventilated by a shop owner. A few days prior to that incident, a shootout at a party a few blocks down the street from Tiny’s house left one dead and two others in critical condition. Now comes word that the now deceased was the offender and the death of said offender has been ruled justified.

“No charges will be filed in a triple shooting at a Belle Plaine apartment building that left one man dead, police said.

The victim was later identified as Pablo Ulloa, 25, of the 4700 block of North Whipple Street.

According to police, Ulloa, who died at the scene, was determined to be the offender in the incident and the other parties involved were acting in self defense.”

For those of you keeping score at home, that’ll bring the total number of justifiable homicides this year to three along with three others wounded.

Popularity Contest

Women shooting a revolverWe all know that the stats documented on this site are solely due to a slightly weighty mass of metal and plastic and people are just innocent bystanders to all of their mayhem. Some of these devices wield more influence over the people than others:

“Using Chicago Police Department data from 2014, the web site The Trace created a top 20 list of guns seized, with the 9MM made by Strum, Ruger & Co. leading with 179.

At number two was Smith and Wesson’s .38 with 173 seized. Guns made by Smith and Wesson hold four of the top 20 positions.

While many of the weapons are cheap, more expensive guns are being seized more and more. For example, Glocks, which go for $500 to $600 retail at gun dealers, are becoming increasingly popular on the street, The Trace data shows.”

What’s not on this list, or anywhere close, are those scary black rifles and their Russian counterparts that politicians clutch their pearls over. Our look through the data set shows a whopping 29 firearms out of 4,514 are of the .223/5.56 variety and just 47 prefer the 7.62×39 round.

Who knew so many people were such “assault rifleists”.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Train WreckLast January tallied a grand total of 149 people shot. It only took this January 14 days to surpass that total. No point in stopping now.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 27 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 4 killed, 14 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 4 killed, 13 wounded

Friday 1/15
1:00p 1413 W Garfield, Englewood, M/20
4:00p 4000 S Rockwell, Brighton Park, M/20
6:50p 8200 S Clyde, South Chicago, M/19
7:25p 1800 S Pulaski, North Lawndale, M/16
9:00p 5400 S Francisco, Gage Park, M/17
Saturday 1/16
1:00a 5500 W Adams, Austin, M/16
2:30a 4600 W Maypole, Austin, F/29
4:15a 1200 N Milwaukee, West Town, M/29
4:30a I94/Wilson Ave, Irving Park, M/?
5:40a 7800 S Rhodes, Grand Crossing, M/26
10:25a 11200 S Normal, Roseland, M/32
11:50a 4500 S Cicero, Garfield Ridge, M/27

3:00p 4600 N Broadway, Uptown, M/66
3:15p 5319 S Union, New City, M/18
3:35p 2100 S Millard, North Lawndale, M/18
3:45p 5100 S Wentworth, Fuller Park, M/27
3:45p 5100 S Wentworth, Fuller Park, M/46
4:20p 3900 S Sacramento, Brighton Park, M/18
7:50p 1411 N Central, Austin, M/22
7:50p 1411 N Central, Austin, M/24
7:50p 1411 N Central, Austin, F/53
8:45p 3240 W Irving Park, Irving Park, M/29
9:05p 5200 W Congress, Austin, F/25
10:10p 8300 S Lafayette, M/23
Sunday 1/17
2:45a 7600 S Cottage Grove, Grand Crossing, M/39
5:10a 3400 W Fulton, Garfield Park, M/18
10:30a 8300 S Cottage Grove, Chatham, M/17 (dumbass)
5:55p 1900 N Keeler, Hermosa, M/39
6:00p 4600 S Leamington, Garfield Ridge, M/47
7:30p 5100 S Cornell, Hyde Park, M/25
7:35p Possible Murder/Suicide in Avondale
10:00p 11500 S Eggleston, West Pullman, M/17

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Stay Fetal

A Fetal Homer SimpsonThe first 14 days of January have already seen more people shot (152) than all of last January combined (149). This month is easily pacing towards 300+ shot. While there could be any number of reasons for the increase, a milder winter, better aim, higher quotas, etc… one likely reason for the increase is the CPD’s new, politically driven, fetal policing program.

“In the first 11 days of the year, officers filed just 3,916 investigative stop reports compared to 16,698 during the same time period last year, according to police data.

That’s a 79-percent decrease, and arguably evidence that officers are avoiding the kind of proactive policing better known as the “stop-and-frisk” investigative stops pushed by former top cop Garry McCarthy. That approach led to thousands of gun arrests and illegal guns being confiscated every year.

Indeed, gun confiscations and arrest are each down more than 35 percent this year.

That reality has put Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s administration in a precarious position as he focuses efforts on rebuilding trust in the scandal-plagued police department.”

Tiny along with some parts of the city, want it both ways, low crime and a less aggressive police department. No doubt you’ll get one of the two, but unlikely to get both. It’s hard to take a bite out of crime when your dentures are soaking in a cup.

Wild Wednesday

Self Defense ZoneMaybe we’re starting to see a growing trend. In the first 13 days of the new year, we’ve already seen five losers ventilated in self defense. The latest two to come down with a sudden case of lead poisoning missed the “no guns” sign posted in the front window to their own detriment.

“An employee at a Far South Side cellphone retailer shot two would-be robbers late Wednesday morning, at least the second time in a week a worker has shot two robbery suspects at a Chicago business, according to police and store officials.

Two men drew handguns as they entered a cell phone store, 2051 E. 95th St., in the Calumet Heights neighborhood around 11 a.m., prompting one of the workers at the store to take out his own firearm and shoot them, according to Neil Tadros, who identified himself as a district manager for T-Mobile said the employees told him what happened.

The employee shot both of the suspects, but they fled the store, got in a car and drove themselves to the hospital, Tadros said. At the time the suspects brandished weapons, employees acted, “pretty much to protect themselves when guns are drawn at them,” Tadros said.

“Thank God for concealed carry.””

Notice he didn’t say, “Thank God for Executive Actions.” And as an added bonus…

“The 35-year-old man suffered a gunshot wound to his left arm and groin…”

The Ken doll look will do more to encourage less violent behavior than 100 days in jail for time served.

“They don’t play…”

safe_passage_chalkieIn a week when useless “actions” were being taken in a supposed attempt to restrict the type of nonsense recorded on this site everyday (which they won’t), a local shopkeeper took some “actions” of his own and helped two yutes assume room temperature (**graphic**):

Two would-be robbers who were fatally shot at a liquor store in the Gresham neighborhood Saturday night have been identified as a 15-year-old boy and a 17-year-old boy, authorities said.

The two were shot to death by a store employee about 8:30 p.m. when they tried to rob Z&S Food & Liquor, 1351 W. 87th St., sources said.

Citing preliminary information, authorities said two people walked into the store, and one of them hopped over the counter.

That person hit the clerk standing behind the counter, while the other remained in front of the counter, authorities said.

Meanwhile, a relative of the store owner heard a commotion upstairs and saw the robbery suspects from a stairwell, authorities said.

He pulled out a gun and opened fire on the two, killing them, authorities said. At least one of them was armed with a gun.

“They don’t play, and I don’t blame them,” a woman said of the storekeepers. “This (has) happened to them before.”

However, we’re not sure if any of the above actually happened since there was a “no guns” sticker posted making any and all gun play impossible.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Dibs in ChicagoJanuary is on a $%^&#$% tear. We thought we’d get a quieter weekend with some winter weather moving in, but instead it has turned into a midsummer-like shitshow.

… It’s probably nothing …

Final Stupidity Tally: 7 killed, 32 wounded
2015 weekend tally: 2 killed, 14 wounded
2014 weekend tally: 2 killed, 8 wounded

Friday 1/8
1:50p 4100 W Adams, Garfield Park, F/20
1:50p 4100 W Adams, Garfield Park, F/21
5:00p 7900 S Exchange, South Chicago, F/18
7:30p 1900 W Belle Plaine, North Center, M/25 (story)
7:30p 1900 W Belle Plaine, North Center, M/25 (more)
7:30p 1900 W Belle Plaine, North Center, M/23
8:45p 1500 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/21
8:45p 1500 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/26
8:45p 1500 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/28
8:45p 1500 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/28
8:45p 1500 S Kedzie, North Lawndale, M/29
9:00p 6615 S Fairfield, Chicago Lawn, M/21
9:45p 5800 S Washtenaw, Gage Park, M/27
9:45p 4539 W Deming, Hermosa, M/38
11:00p 7300 S Aberdeen, Englewood, M/43
Saturday 1/9
2:10a 5500 W Congress, Austin, M/23
2:10a 5500 W Congress, Austin, M/28
2:30a 3800 W Polk, Garfield Park, M/20
11:35a 10900 S King, Roseland, M/22
11:45a 3100 W Roosevelt, North Lawndale, M/17
12:00p 7100 S Vincennes, Englewood, M/31
2:00p 5100 S Halsted, New City, M/19 (photos)
2:00p 5200 S Halsted, New City, F/19
2:00p 5400 S Bishop, New City, M/17
3:10p 12100 S Normal, West Pullman, M/30
3:10p 12100 S Normal, West Pullman, M/30
8:30p 1300 W 87th, Auburn Gresham, M/15
8:30p 1300 W 87th, Auburn Gresham, M/17
^(Chicago Tribune article, crime scene pic *graphic*)
Sunday 1/10
12:20a 5400 S Aberdeen, New City, M/27
2:45a 5400 S Justine, New City, M/18
12:05p 600 S California, Garfield Park, M/15
3:15p 9200 S Indiana, Roseland, M/19
3:15p 5800 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/22
3:15p 5800 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/25
3:20p 240 S Homan, Garfield Park, M/?
5:30p 8000 S S Shore, South Chicago, M/18
5:30p 8000 S S Shore, South Chicago, M/18
6:35p 4700 W Erie, Austin, M/19
11:30p 2500 N Laramie, Belmont Cragin, M/?

Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday

Flip to ’16

Face PlantIn years past, we usually like to have the previous years stats occupy the homepage for a bit into the new year. However, with this January off to a summer like start, despite “actions” being taken, we’ll be looking to flip to the new data set sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, we’ll flashback to our 2015 prediction, … likely see another 450 homicides (+/-25) and another 2,600 total people shot (+/-100). and leave you with our 2016 prediction: 510 homicides (+/- 25) and another 3,150 total people shot (+/- 100).

UPDATE: Two additional homicides were added to 2015’s total – 1) A late expiration and 2) a previously unreported death investigation is now a homicide.

UPDATE 2: 2016’s stats are staring to fill in. We’ll keep them over here for another day as we continue to build out the new stats.

Stay fetal.

New Year’s Stupidity

New Year's  DrunkNew Year’s Day tallied three homicides and 12 shot and wounded which puts 2016’s projected full year totals at 1,095 homicides and 4,380 shot and wounded. That’s probably a bit on the high side.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 40 wounded
2014 weekend tally*: 3 killed, 25 wounded

New Year’s Eve
3:00p 1000 N Lorel, Austin, M/24
3:00p 1000 N Lorel, Austin, F/26
4:50p 7200 S Aberdeen, Englewood, M/28
8:20p 6200 S King, Grand Crossing, M/30
10:15p 7000 S Laflin, Englewood, M/?
New Year’s Day
12:05a 8000 S Paxton, South Chicago, F/34
12:50a 9200 S Drexel, Burnside, M/38
2:00a 4600 S St Lawrence, Grand Boulevard, M/24
2:00a 4600 S St Lawrence, Grand Boulevard, M/38
2:30a 9800 S Beverly, Washington Heights, M/24
2:30a 9800 S Beverly, Washington Heights, M/24
2:45a 7500 S State, Grand Crossing, M/20
2:45a 7500 S State, Grand Crossing, M/22
2:45a 7500 S State, Grand Crossing, M/26
4:30a 600 S Kostner, Garfield Park, M/26
6:20a 5400 S Winchester, New City, M/29
6:40a 1958 W Garfield, New City, M/36
3:05p 4800 N Lake Shore, Uptown, F/19
3:15p 2849 W 59th, Chicago Lawn, M/42
6:10p 5500 S Shields, Englewood, M/27
9:40p 6141 S Sangamon, Englewood, M/22
Saturday 1/2
4:15a 3500 W Lake, Garfield Park, M/19
4:50a 500 S Lavergne, Austin, M/28
4:50a 500 S Lavergne, Austin, M/34
6:30a 300 S Cicero, Austin, F/21
8:25a 5400 W Quincy, Austin, M/29
8:50a 100 N Parkside, Austin, M/27
4:45p 6300 S Stony Island, Woodlawn, M/16
5:10p 10100 S Michigan, Roseland, M/26
8:50p 8320 S Dobson, Chatham, M/25
Sunday 1/3
2:15a 600 N Lake Shore, Near North Side, M/25
2:15a 600 N Lake Shore, Near North Side, M/30
2:15a 600 N Lake Shore, Near North Side, M/32
2:45a 100 W Garfield, Washington Park, M/18
3:00a 3800 S Albany, Brighton Park, M/44
3:00a 4400 W Madison, Garfield Park, M/33
3:00a 4400 W Madison, Garfield Park, M/29
3:15a 1400 S Christiana, North Lawndale, M/26
4:20a 600 S St. Louis, Garfield Park, M/35
4:50a 3500 W Huron, Humboldt Park, M/21
2:50p 13100 S Eberhart, Riverdale, F/18
6:30p 500 E 47th, Grand Boulevard, M/23
7:00p 900 N Lavergne, Austin, M/19
8:00p 7000 S Wabash, Grand Crossing, M/33

Weekend = 12p Thursday – 6a Monday
*Weekend = 12p Wednesday – 6a Monday