Happy New Year!

fireworksnavypier-624x416Should Old Acquaintance be forgot… and never thought upon…

And with that, 2013 is in the books. We’re confident 2014 will bring us ample amounts of mayhem and stupidity along with a little #PaxRahmana, a dash of #CrimeIsDown and a pinch of “call in the National Guard!”.

We’ll be modifying a few of our stats for 2014 in the hopes things will be even more clear and concise. Thank you again for all your support.

Happy New Year!

What A Bunch of Shit

no_bullshitHere’s your headline for the New Year, bet on it: “Fewest Murders in Chicago Since 1965”. Yay!! Only hundreds murdered and thousands maimed!! Yay!! Anyway, the Sun-times says:

“Despite averaging 1.1 murders a day, Chicago Police reported a 17 percent decrease in killings from 2012 and the fewest murders in the city since 1965. But McCarthy isn’t celebrating. “This is progress, not success,” he said, “We still have way too much gun violence in this city.””

Of course that’s complete bullshit, but it’s an absolutely perfect headline for those not paying attention. If one were to read beyond the headline, the same article says:

“The Cook County medical examiner’s office reported 443 homicides as of Friday, including 13 police-involved shootings, three killings on expressways investigated by Illinois State Police and other deaths that Chicago Police either ruled justified or remain under investigation.”

And there folks is your real number which just so happens to coincide with our number.

1965 our collective asses. May as well have said 1765 when Chicago was nothing more than swampland inhabited by some Indians… or Native Americans for you PC’ers.

Year in Review

2013It’s that time of year when every media outlet rolls out their lists of this and that for whatever happened in the past year. Since most of our stats are running totals for the year, we’ll instead recap some of more popular posts.

Recall our “Stuck on Stupid” post where a local dumbass, er, politician accused the CPD of killing kids: “There’s some suspicion – and I don’t want to spread this, but I’m just going to tell you what I’ve been hearing – they suspect maybe the police are killing some of these kids.”

Who could forget Kreepy, the gun in the ass guy: “A Little Village gang member is being held on $20,000 bail after he admitted to police he was hiding a loaded gun in his buttocks, authorities said. “I’m gonna be real with you, I have a gun in my ass…”

Finally, there’s our original Honor Student of the Week who still happens to be on life support: “Back in June, honor student, productive citizen and all around good guy, Antonio Lewis, “allegedly” shot and killed a five year old and his mother in their New City neighborhood home. He also attempted to kill the 11 year old brother too but his gun jammed.”

We’re confident that 2014 will match 2013’s stupidity and idiocy. Can we do it? Yes we can!

Merry Christmas

photo-chicago-state-street-at-randolph-volunteer-of-america-santas-taking-their-christmas-season-positions-for-collecting No stats, no snark, no sarcasm, just a Merry Christmas from us to you. Hopefully Santa brings you a new scanner preprogrammed with all your favorite zones.

(More old time Chicago photos can be found here.)

Anti-Machine Revolt

It would seem that a few people are finally realizing that unicorns do not exist. Now the question is, will anything change? Full story.

Honor Student of the Week

brandon_russell This week’s honor student hails from Auburn Gresham, where he enjoys wearing ugly rings and breaking cops’ noses.

“Brandon Russell, a 20-year-old student at the Community Youth Development Institute in Auburn Gresham, was arrested along with his sister after the pair attacked the off-duty cop Wednesday afternoon, authorities said.

The officer, who was working security at the school, told the sister, 17-year-old Aaliyah Russell-Morgan, to close a school door she had opened and leave…

Russell-Morgan refused, saying “I’ll kill you and I don’t care if you’re the police…”

We wonder if she kisses her brother with that mouth. Anyway…

“Russell ran past the principal when he saw his younger sister tussling with the officer and punched the officer in the face […] and [he] broke the cop’s nose.”

It would appear from the mugshot that ol’ Brando received a kiss from someone’s fist in return.


Tragedy vs Statistics

comedytragedy With the one year anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting upon us, the media, mentally challenged politicians and their associated allies will no doubt be waving the bloody shirt in remembrance and plead that we do something for the children.

While Sandy Hook was no doubt a horrific event and one that should never be repeated, events like those are rare. What is far from rare is that every single day minority, mostly black children and young adults, kill one another with wanton abandon on the south and west sides of Chicago.

In the one year since Sandy Hook, Chicago has seen 441 people murdered (~17 Sandy Hooks) and at least another 1,800 have been shot and wounded. Of the 441, 58 children (17 and under) have been murdered since then. Aside from maybe one or two high profile, politically expedient cases, can anyone name much less recall any of the events of the 2,200+? Nope.

The only difference here is that one is considered a tragedy and the literally thousands of others are statistics.

American Success Story

xadrianIf one has a lengthly rap sheet and a noted history of violence, where can that “good kid” go to “turn his life around”? Why Illinois of course for just $110k/yr.

“Xadrian R. McCraven has a criminal history that includes “at least” 24 arrests on charges including arson, illegal gun possession, attempted robbery, drug possession and aggravated assault, according to federal court records.

He’s also an Illinois state prison official. On the job since July 1, he makes $110,000 a year as an administrator with the Illinois Department of Corrections, according to records obtained by the Chicago Sun-Times.”

As they say, read the whole thing. It’s no small wonder why this state is in the position it’s in when taxpayers are forced to pay for this bullshit time and time again.


Douchebag of the Week

Joseph_Zajac Awhile back we posted an ABC7 story that featured CFD paramedics getting attacked and beat up in the line of duty. Obviously, this didn’t sit well with us and we proposed that if these fuckers “want to beat on some defenseless EMTs that were called in to save your ass, f*ck you and drive your own sorry, drunk, high, lead poisoned ass to the hospital.

That said, here’s another story of a drunk douchebag going all UFC on two EMTs and a cop.

“Joseph Zajac, 28, of Hobart, Ind., was arrested after he attacked two paramedics and a cop in River North Tuesday night, leaving one temporarily unconscious after she hit her head on a railing, police said.

Witnesses saw Zajac stumbling in the 300 block of North LaSalle Street sometime before 7:15 p.m., police said. They called 911 and told dispatchers that Zajac needed medical help and was very drunk.

But after cops and paramedics arrived, Zajac went into fight mode and began attacking them, police said.”

And again, f*ck you, save your own sorry drunk ass.


November’s Twenty Seven

CarnacIt’s that time of the month, so let’s take look back and see how our predictions panned out. Back on November 1st, we said: “Looking ahead to November, we’re going to forecast 33 (+/-3) homicides and a quieter 85 (+/-10) shot and wounded.”

Not too bad. We were over on one and under on the other with November tallying 27 homicides and an additional 111 shot and wounded. Despite the January like temps towards the end of the month, the lead kept flying. ‘A ‘for effort fellas.

The 27 homicides by the numbers:

  • 22 males
  • 5 females
  • 23 (85%) shot
  • 3 (11%) stabbed
  • 27 average age
  • 5 teenagers
  • 12 under age 25
  • 9 shot in the head
  • 11 shot in the torso
  • 17.2% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 0 police involved (yay.)
  • 17 different neighborhoods
  • 6 for Team Englewood
  • 1 double homicide

Looking ahead to December, we’re going to forecast 30 (+/-3) homicides and 90 (+/-10) shot and wounded. We’ll wrap up the year just shy of 440 total homicides and around 1,750 shot and wounded.


Kohl’s – Expect Shitty Things

kohls We’re not big fans of Black Friday (except for the mayhem videos) and we’re even lesser fans of this newer, so-called Grey Thursday. In any event, a couple of jagoffs attempted to make off with some cheap Chinese made crap without paying:

“About 10 p.m. police responded to a report of men stealing clothing from the Kohl’s store at 261 S. Weber Road, Romeoville Police Chief Mark Turvey said.

Officers chased two suspects who were seen fleeing the store toward a Pontiac Sunfire waiting outside, Turvey said. An officer became involved in a struggle and was partially caught in the car, Turvey said.

The driver of the car ignored commands to stop and dragged the officer, police said. A second officer nearby fired a shot at the driver, striking him in the shoulder, Turvey said. The injured officer and the driver were hospitalized with injuries that were not thought to be life-threatening, police said.”

Yet, with all the hoopla outside,

“Despite the shooting, shoppers were still browsing the aisles of the store where police had marked off a crime scene with orange cones out front.”

The image says it all.

Photo courtesy of John J. Kim, Chicago Tribune.

Honor Student of the Week

Brianna EmeryIt’s been awhile since we’ve highlighted an Honor Student of the Week, but this week’s winner has some major coping issues, over a $1.25 no less:

“Upset over how much it cost to ride a CTA bus, a 17-year-old girl got into an argument with the bus driver and then pepper sprayed him in the face as she got off the bus, prosecutors alleged Sunday.

The teen got onto the CTA bus in the 2600 block of East 79th Street just before noon on Friday and argued with the driver about the fare, Assistant State’s Attorney Jacqueline Kwilos said.

Authorities didn’t reveal exactly how much they fought over. A regular bus fare is $2. A student fare is 75 cents.

But before getting off, she blasted the 50-year-old driver in the face with pepper spray, Kwilos said.”


Update: They’ve since released the mug shot. Our original image of Rainbow Brite wasn’t too far off.


Englewood Castle Doctrine

Daffy_ass_shot_9726 For all the stupidity that populates our stats, it’s rare that we get to add an incident that is the complete opposite.

“WEST ENGLEWOOD — Two men who broke into a West Englewood home got a surprise when they were met by the 53-year-old homeowner armed with a gun, police said.

Police said the two men, ages 19 and 23, forced their way into a home in the 5500 block of South Laflin Street about 2:25 p.m. Wednesday.

Once inside, they were confronted by the homeowner, who fired shots at them…

The 19-year-old man was shot in his buttocks, and the 23-year-old man broke his leg while trying to flee the home, police said.

Criminal charges against the two burglars are pending, Alfaro said. But police said the homeowner is unlikely to face charges.”

Well done sir. While we would have preferred to see some better shot placement, getting shot in the ass works for us.


Countdown to 397

Shermain Miles public nuisanceOver the years there have been people locked up for years over a joint, or even worse, for not doing anything wrong at all. Yet here is a woman who has been arrested a mind blowing 396 times!

“After serving nearly a year in prison for assaulting Ald. James Cappleman (46th) last year, Shermain Miles is once again a free woman.

Miles — who has 396 arrests on her record since 1978 for offenses including theft, drugs, public drinking, prostitution, attempted robbery and armed robbery — was released from Logan Correctional Center in Downstate Lincoln on Monday, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.”

Good lord. One would think at least a few of the offenses would keep her off the streets for a good number of years. Guess not.

Over/under on #397 is 30 days.


Safe Passage Update

safe_passage_update It’s been awhile since we’ve mentioned Safe Passage, but the image above is an instant classic. From DNAInfo Chicago:

“A man is dead and another is injured after a shooting at an Englewood gas station near a CPS “Safe Passage” route Wednesday afternoon, police said.

The gas station is located near a CPS “Safe Passage” route serving Nicholson Technology Academy. Before and after school hours, adults keep watch over a stretch of 60th and Halsted streets to make sure kids get home safely.”

So if this took place an hour later, what would have the adults done about it? Nothing, because they wouldn’t have seen shit, just as is the case with all the other shootings.


Photo courtesy of @SPOTNEWSonIG – give him a follow.

Great Balls of Fire!

fire_mario We’ll let the reporting do the talking here, courtesy of the Trib:

“A man lit another man’s genitals on fire after catching him having sex with his girlfriend Monday afternoon in the Back of the Yards neighborhood, according to police.

“This will be a lesson to you, I lit your (genitals) on fire,” he told the 30-year-old while using a Bic lighter to burn the man while he was unconscious, according to a police report.

The man ran to a laundromat at 44th Street and Ashland Avenue, where police found him applying Vaseline to the burned area in an attempt to sooth the pain, according to the police report.”

Well, that’ll learn ya.


Weekend Wrap-up & Elderly Beat Down

chi-police-woman-28-accused-of-beating-man-82 First off, a happy Veterans Day to all who’ve served. Thank you.

A somewhat quiet weekend is leading into a wintery week where we’ll likely see less violence and stupidity than usual. The weekend ended with no one killed and 11 wounded.

In other news, one of Chatham’s finest decided to beat the crap out of an old man:

“A 28-year-old Chicago woman is being held on $2 million bail after being accused of dragging an 82-year-old man out of his car and beating him after a traffic accident Thursday night on the South Side, police said.

The victim told officers he was driving westbound when he was “flagged down” by two unknown females, police said. The man said after he parked to help them, he was “pulled out” of the vehicle and struck in the head and body several times by the women, police said. Some of the injuries were caused by a screwdriver.

A police investigation determined that after the victim accidentally bumped one of the women with his vehicle, Body said on the scene: “Yeah, I pulled his ass out of the car and beat the fuck out of him,” according to a police report.”

So much for respecting your elders. Despite the $2 million bail, we expect to see our foul-mouthed “good kid”, “wonderful mother” and “pillar of the community” who was “just turning her life around” to be back on the streets in no time.


Misplaced Priorities

Train_wreck_at_Montparnasse_1895Frequent readers know that Englewood (or “Englewheel” as the Mayor says) is one of the most blighted and crime-ridden neighborhoods in Chicago. One could understand the anger and angst amongst the residences over shootings, homicides, crime and poverty, but instead some have pointed their anger towards a sign:

“Calling it “disrespectful,” a neighborhood group is protesting the lack of enough signs at K&D Fuel at 6700 S. Ashland Ave.

Members of the Resident Association of Greater Englewood passed out fliers to customers earlier this week to show their frustration and to encourage them to boycott the gas station, which has been open for about a year.”

As if there isn’t enough shuttered storefronts in that neighborhood already.

“By not having better signs and “simply putting up a sign [the owner] made is disrespectful to the community,” Cunningham said. “He thinks he can treat us any way he wants because this is Englewood, but he is wrong.””

Good grief. There have been a number of murders just blocks from this station so far this year and the complaint is about a stupid sign. Well, at least one guy gets it:

“I could give a flying you know what when it comes to who supplies the gas,” customer Jamal Funches said. “As long as it is cheap, I’m good.”


Posted on Nov 6, 2013 at 11:50AM

October’s Thirty Four

CarnacOn the first of every month, we like to look back and see how our predictions panned out. Back on October 1st, we said: “Looking ahead to October, once again we’re going to forecast 40 (+/-4) homicides and a lower 145 (+/-10) shot and wounded.”

We were a wee bit off this time around since October tallied 34 homicides and an additional 98 shot and wounded. The month started off strong but some colder temps rolled in by mid-month and it slowed down quite a bit.

The 34 homicides by the numbers:

  • 31 males
  • 3 females
  • 29 (85%) shot
  • 4 (12%) stabbed
  • 31 average age
  • 5 teenagers
  • 15 under age 25
  • 12 shot in the head
  • 12 shot in the torso
  • 22.8% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 3 police involved
  • 19 different neighborhoods
  • 1 triple homicide
  • 2 double homicides

Looking ahead to November, we’re going to forecast 33 (+/-3) homicides and a quieter 85 (+/-10) shot and wounded. 


Posted on Nov 1, 2013 at 9:15PM

“Oh shit! He’s the police!”

four_winners That’s what one of the pictured geniuses said while attempting to carjack a cop’s Mercedes.

“The 36-year-old, off-duty officer was driving southbound through an alley in the 7400 block of South Yates Boulevard around midnight on Sunday when four men appeared in front of him, forcing him to hit the brakes, according to a police report.

They allegedly surrounded the Mercedes and threatened to officer with what appeared to be a gun.

But when the cop identified himself and pulled his own weapon, the would-be carjackers changed their tune.”

These shitheads are really lucky they didn’t end up assuming room temperature due to a bad case of lead poisoning. Maybe next time.


Posted on Oct 28, 2013 at 8:55PM

Whoa, Dude! No Way!

van Rosy budget estimates are nothing new, in fact they’re the norm. Last year it was announced that the CPD would start issuing tickets for marijuana use/possession instead of the usual arrest, trial, and all of that. The idea was it was not only going to save money, but generate lots of revenue. As usual, it didn’t happen that way:

“Chicago Police issued just 1,117 tickets for small amounts of marijuana in the first 14 months of decriminalization — and the cash-strapped city has collected only 21 percent of the $310,755 in fines, records show.”

21% of $310,755 is $67,256. Estimated revenue for the first year, $1 million, easy. Whoops.

“The mayor’s office didn’t respond to questions about the low collection rate for fines. But historically, the city has had a tough time collecting for similar administrative fines ranging from loud noise to fly dumping. In the case of pot tickets, the person may be thumbing their nose at the fine or doesn’t have the wherewithal to pay it.

Yet, somehow, the mayor expects to collect millions and millions from speed and red light cameras. We’re betting we’ll see the same shortfall here as well, dude.


Posted on Oct 25, 2013 at 7:20AM

Speedy Recovery Sarge

On Tuesday evening, a simmering shitshow ended with a CPD sergeant getting stabbed in the face and the offender assuming room temperature.

“Chicago Police officials said the sergeant and two officers were dispatched to the home after a 911 call placed by the attacker’s mother ended abruptly.

The sergeant and officers got no answer when they rang the doorbell about 10 p.m., Fraternal Order of Police spokesman Pat Camden said.

But when they heard a woman’s screams coming from the inside, they forced their way in, Camden said.

First to enter was the 46-year-old sergeant, who was stabbed in the face multiple times by the knife-wielding man, Camden said.

Officers pulled the wounded supervisor to safety. Meanwhile, the man barricaded himself inside, locking an iron screen door shut after they left, Camden said.”

While the sergeant is expected to make a full and speedy recovery, the offender is not when next act for the soon-to-be-room-temperature individual was to attempt to burn the house down.

“The man refused to drop the knives and lunged at them, Camden said. The officers drew their weapons and fired in self-defense, killing the man, police said.”


Posted on Oct 23, 2013 at 9:50PM

‘I don’t know what I knew’

daleySaid former mayor Daley in reference to some Millennium Park shenanigans:

“Daley is one of several former city officials who have given sworn, pretrial testimony in Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s 2-year-old lawsuit to break the “sweetheart” deal that Daley relatives, friends and associates got in 2003 to operate the restaurant for 30 years.

Emanuel’s lawsuit says the “commercially unreasonable” deal has cost taxpayers more than $5 million because it gives Park Grill free natural gas, water and garbage collection while the restaurant on Michigan Avenue has paid the park district just $2.6 million from January 2004 through last July.

In his deposition, Daley says he doesn’t recall whether clout helped the Park Grill’s investors — including his cousin Theresa Mintle, who was Emanuel’s first chief of staff — win the restaurant deal over two other bidders, one of them a group that included venture capitalist Bruce Rauner, an Emanuel friend now running for governor.

Insiders, cronies and sweetheart deals all at taxpayer expense. Plus it’s also good to see the leading Republican candidate for governor, Bruce Rauner, named here as well because it just wouldn’t be Illinois without equal opportunity crony capitalism.


Posted on Oct. 21 at 8:40AM

Drug Cartels & Sympathy Pimps

Mr. “Noonie G” was once a high-ranking member of the “mythical” Gangster Disciples. Noonie says the drug trade is the root of Chicago’s violence, specifically the Mexican cartels, and the Machine won’t do jack about it. He also goes onto hammer the likes of Reverends Al and Jesse Jackson by labeling them “sympathy pimps”.

Worth a few minutes of your time.


Posted on Oct 16, 2013 at 9:30 PM

Weekend Wrap-up

leprechaunCool, crisp fall weather has done more to keep a lid on things than millions of dollars in police overtime. Plus the usual lousy accuracy helps as well. The weekend ended with just one (1) killed and just eight (8) others wounded.

A breakdown of the 9 shootings shows:

  • 8 Males
  • 1 Female
  • 25.2yo average age
  • All in their 20s
  • 2 shot in the ass
  • 11% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 6 neighborhoods
  • 3 shot on Team Austin
  • Team Englewood on a bye week

Comparing to recent past weekends:

  • 10/4 weekend: 4 dead, 12 wounded
  • 9/27 weekend: 9 dead, 35 wounded
  • 9/20 weekend: 1 dead, 15 wounded
  • 9/13 weekend: 2 dead, 9 wounded

With a very fall-like week ahead things may finally start to drop into a lower gear and get ready for the long winter grind.


Posted on Oct 14, 2013 at 8:30 AM

For The Children

revenue_cameraWe all know that the new speed cameras are nothing more than a drunk spending politicians’ wet dream. With the release of the latest report that stated that the test period could potentially bring in more $$ than thought, they’re collectively creaming their collectivist shorts.

“New data show Chicago’s nascent speed camera system is already lightening the city’s lead feet, but the numbers are also prompting critics to wonder whether City Hall is in for a massive revenue windfall at taxpayers’ expense.”

“The cameras are not yet churning out actual tickets, but had they been, those nine alone would have generated nearly $13.9 million worth of citations in just 45 days, according to WBEZ’s analysis.”

As any sucker mutual fund buyer knows well: “past performance is no guarantee of future results.

“But the high number of speed violations so far – and the big potential for revenue – has reignited criticisms that the program is more about making money than protecting kids.”

“Our number one goal is to slow traffic down, so if we never collect a dime on this, it’s successful,” [Scott] Kubly said. “It’s absolutely not a cash grab. It’s all about making our roads safer.”

Bullshit Scott. You want to slow traffic down install some speed bumps.


Posted on Oct 11, 2013 at 9:15PM

Safe Passage Building Inspectors?

safe_passage_assaultThe Safe Passage Theater continues on even though it’s only in the news these days when some unfortunate soul catches a bullet within one. When the curtain was first raised on this shitshow, police, fire and many city workers filled in the routes in order to give the cameras (and Mayor) a good show. Since bad press (i.e. a homicide) is to be avoided at all costs, many city workers continue to man these routes at the cost of doing their actual jobs.

“Since the school year began, city workers from various departments have been pulled from their regular duties for a few hours a day to monitor Safe Passage routes throughout the city. Now, some residents and aldermen are complaining about gaps in city services due to the workers being pulled from their wards.

Ald. Scott Waguespack (32nd)… said he has gotten more complaints from residents in south Lakeview about tree debris sitting “for weeks on end” and delays in ordinance violation ticketing and rat calls… building inspections have been taking longer than usual because inspectors have been diverted to Safe Passage routes…”

Wait, what? Building inspectors are assigned to monitor Safe Passage routes? Now there’s a real efficient use of taxpayer time and money.

At least there won’t be a problem as long as those signs are present.


Posted on Oct 9, 2013 at 11:20 AM

Weekend Wrap-up

leprechaunA summer-like Friday and Saturday gave way to a more seasonable Sunday and the violence statistics reflected as much. From Friday afternoon through Saturday afternoon there were two (2) killed plus another 11 wounded. Through the rest of the weekend there were an additional two (2) killed (1 shot, 1 stabbed) and just one (1) other wounded.

A breakdown of the 15 shootings shows:

  • 14 males
  • 1 female
  • 25.3yo average age
  • 5 teenagers
  • Youngest 15
  • 5 hit in head (3 dead)
  • A couple in critical condition
  • 20% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 7 neighborhoods
  • 6 shot on Team Englewood

Comparing to recent past weekends:

  • 9/27 weekend: 9 dead, 35 wounded
  • 9/20 weekend: 1 dead, 15 wounded
  • 9/13 weekend: 2 dead, 9 wounded
  • 9/6 weekend: 5 dead, 17 wounded

What’s not included in the above was the pieces of Jose Reyes found in garbage bags buried in an Ashburn backyard.


Posted on Oct 7, 2013 at 9:05 AM

Dumb Tweet of The Week

Presented with no comment.

Posted on Oct 6, 2013 at 9:10PM

F ’em

We’ve always assumed that being a CFD paramedic wasn’t the most glamorous job in the world and one has to put up with a lot of shit (literally and figuratively). What we didn’t realize was the crazy amount of violence they have to put up with on a daily basis.

“Chicago emergency personnel are being assaulted on the job and first responders say it’s getting worse.

You could hardly blame paramedics if they felt some paranoia on every call. First responders tell the I-Team that at least once a day in the City of Chicago, paramedics trying to save lives, end up fighting to stay alive.”

At least once a day?! WTF?

Our proposal is simple, if these individuals, families, groups, blocks and/or neighborhoods want to beat on some defenseless EMTs that were called in to save you ass, f*ck you and drive your own sorry, drunk, high, lead poisoned ass to the hospital. And while you’re there, pick up your own tab instead of passing it onto others.


Posted on Oct 3, 2013 at 8:50AM

September’s Forty

CarnacBack on September 1st, we said: “Looking ahead to September, we’re going to forecast 40 (+/-4) homicides and 195 (+/-15) shot and wounded.”

Now that September is in the books, the month tallied 40 homicides and an additional 154 shot and wounded. Like August, we were “dead” on for homicides, but slightly aggressive in our shot and wounded call.

The 40 homicides by the numbers:

  • 34 males
  • 6 females
  • 30 (75%) shot
  • 5 (12.5%) stabbed
  • 28 average age
  • 9 teenagers
  • 21 under age 25
  • 11 shot in the head
  • 16 shot in the torso
  • 16.3% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 1 police involved
  • 23 different neighborhoods
  • 8 killed on Team Englewood

Looking ahead to October, once again we’re going to forecast 40 (+/-4) homicides and a lower 145 (+/-10) shot and wounded. 


Posted on Oct 1, 2013 at 12:45PM

Honor Student of the Week

roosevelt-high-school-shooting-chargedThis week’s honor student hails from the Kenwood neighborhood, has a liking for armed robberies and enjoys tutoring younger children in art of weapon concealment.

“A Kenwood teenager was arrested for shooting a Roosevelt High School football player in an armed robbery near the school, cops said.

Kevin Murchison, 18, was allegedly on felony probation and had a pending robbery case in juvenile court when he showed up at Roosevelt High School at dismissal time with a young child in tow and shot a student while trying to rob him, prosecutors said.

Prosecutors said Murchison ran after the shooting and stashed the gun in the child’s backpack, which is where police later discovered it.”

Not only was ol’ Kev already on felony probation, he had a pending robbery case (another felony). Now add yet a couple more felonies to the mix and maybe he’ll get some jail time.

But don’t worry, we’re confident he’ll be out in time for his little buddy’s 10th birthday. Word is he wants a .22.


Posted on Sept 27, 2013 at 10:00PM

The Fab Four

fabfourBefore last Thursday mass shooting goes completely down the memory hole, we figured we’d better provide an update on the apprehended shooters.

“BACK OF THE YARDS — Bryon Champ wanted revenge.

The 21-year-old Blackstones gang member had been shot in the leg Thursday by a rival gang member, and instead of reporting the shooting to police, he went looking to retaliate, authorities said.

Armed with an assault rifle and joined by several of his friends, Champ went to Cornell Square Park on Thursday night with one goal in mind: to shoot any Gangster Disciples in sight, authorities said.”

And there you have it. “Mythical” gangbangers engaged in their asinine circle jerk of violence, stupidity and poor aim. This is nothing new other than the number of shot and the same story has been written thousands of times over the past 40+ years.

Since the time of this shooting, eight (8) have been killed and another 31 have been wounded. That’s 3x this one incident but chances are unless you’re paying attention no one has taken much notice nor likely much cares.


PS – Prediction: another mass shooting incident like this comprised of at least 6 shot will occur here in the next 6 months.

Weekend Wrap-up

leprechaunComing off Thursday evening’s mass shooting, the appeal for peace, love, happiness were as elusive as the Mayor dressed up as a Leprechaun riding a Unicorn over a rainbow (see image). Somewhere the lines must have gotten crossed and all that was heard was shoot, shoot and kill resulting in five (5) dead and another 20 wounded.

A breakdown of the 25 shootings shows:

  • 23 Males
  • 2 Females
  • 26.3yo average age
  • 8 teenagers
  • Youngest 14
  • 8 hit in head or torso
  • 2 police-involved
  • A few in critical condition
  • 20% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 16 neighborhoods
  • 7 shot on Team Englewood

Comparing to recent past weekends:

  • 9/13 weekend: 2 dead, 9 wounded
  • 9/6 weekend: 5 dead, 17 wounded
  • 8/30 weekend: 9 dead, 15 wounded
  • 8/23 weekend: 2 dead, 17 wounded
  • 8/16 weekend: 9 dead, 35 wounded


Posted on Sept 23, 2013 at 9:30 AM

We’re #1!

foam_fingerThe FBI released its final 2012 crime report yesterday and Chicago now can claim to be Murder Capital of the US. In your face New York!

“The city of Chicago registered more homicides than any city in the nation in 2012, surpassing even New York — despite the fact that the Second City has only one third as many residents as the Big Apple.

In new crime statistics released Monday, the Federal Bureau of Investigation reported 500 murders in Chicago in 2012, up sharply from the 431 recorded in 2011. New York reported 419 murders last year, compared with 515 in 2011.”

New York419
Los Angeles299
New Orleans193
St. Louis113
Kansas City105

But when looking at murder rate, smaller cities like Flint or Detroit (obviously) are much more violent.

“But residents of Chicago and New York were much less likely to be victims of a homicide than residents of Flint, Mich. Sixty-three murders occurred in 2012 in Flint, a city of 101,632, meaning one in every 1,613 city residents were homicide victims. Detroit, which experienced 386 homicides in 2012, was almost as unsafe; that’s enough murders to account for one in every 1,832 residents.”

We wonder if the FBI has a Stanley Cup-like trophy that gets passed around from city to city each year. If so, we propose calling it the Coroner Cup. Can’t wait for that parade.


Posted on Sept 19, 2013 at 7:45AM

Weekend Wrap-up

safe_passage_chalkieCooler temps, a Sunday filled with rain and typical lousy accuracy combined for the least deadliest weekend in a long time. This past weekend saw just one (1) two (2) dead and another 10 nine (9) wounded.

A breakdown of the 11 shootings shows:

  • 9 Males
  • 2 Females
  • 24.8yo average age
  • Youngest 14
  • 5 hit in head or torso
  • 1 in “very critical” condition
  • 9% 18% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 9 neighborhoods
  • 3 shot on Team Austin

Comparing to recent past weekends:

  • 9/6 weekend: 5 dead, 17 wounded
  • 8/30 weekend: 9 dead, 15 wounded
  • 8/23 weekend: 2 dead, 17 wounded
  • 8/16 weekend: 9 dead, 35 wounded
  • 8/9 weekend: 4 dead, 33 wounded


Posted on Sept 16, 2013 at 9:10 AM

More Safe Passage Stupidity

safe_passage_assaultWe love taking shots at the Safe Passage program and rightfully so because this whole episode is nothing more than a feel-good amulet worn by ignorant, elite statists.

The latest hit comes from CBS2 who has discovered that two of the routes have “children walk right by shelters with sex offenders”.

“On the outside, an old church building appears safe. Children walk by it to go along a safe passage route to school. But this church is also a shelter for child sex offenders. Predators targeting the youngest of victims which worries parents like Lisa Jones.

CBS 2 found 65 child sex offenders registered at this shelter, yet Chicago Public School officials decided to start safe passage route on the same street.”

At least there won’t be a problem as long as those signs are present.

And in other Safe Passage news, a local entrepreneur thought the shotgun shell market was underserved on the routes.

“A man busted for selling shotgun shells along a Safe Passage route in East Garfield Park allegedly told police that he wanted $3 per box but “ain’t no one want to buy them.”

$3 per box is pretty cheap but he clearly doesn’t understand that the market is for 9mm not shotgun shells.


Posted on Sept 12, 2013 at 6:08 AM

Remind Us

12 years ago today the WTC came down which kicked-off the never-ending, TSA groping, NSA snooping “War on Terror”. Massive violations of one’s freedoms aside, we decided to take a look at the death toll in the Middle East war zone of Afghanistan vs the homicides tallied in the modern American city of Chicago.

2013 Casualties vs Homicides:


Remind us again which one is considered a war zone and the recipient of billions and billions of taxpayer of dollars in military funding and support?

Also of note, 2,259 US troops have been killed in Afghanistan since Jan 1, 2002 vs 5,473 murdered in Chicago. And the entire Iraq war (2003-2012)? 4,486. Again, remind us…


Posted on Sept 11, 2013 at 7:58 AM

War stats courtesy of icasualties.org

Weekend Wrap-up

Summer may be over and the some of the kids may be back in school, but the summer like weather continues as does the violence. This past weekend saw four (4) dead and another 18 wounded. Of the four (4) killed, two (2) were shot, one (1) stabbed and another was beaten.

A breakdown of the 20 shootings shows:

  • 17 Males
  • 3 Females
  • 25.4yo Average Age
  • 3 incidents w/ 2+ shot
  • 11 hit in head or torso
  • 6 in critical condition
  • 2 police-involved
  • 10% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 12 neighborhoods
  • 4 shot on Team Woodlawn
  • 3 shot on Team Roseland

Comparing to recent past weekends:

  • 8/30 weekend: 9 dead, 15 wounded
  • 8/23 weekend: 2 dead, 17 wounded
  • 8/16 weekend: 9 dead, 35 wounded
  • 8/9 weekend: 4 dead, 33 wounded
  • 8/2 weekend: 4 dead, 23 wounded


Posted on Sept 9, 2013 at 11:40 AM

So Long Farewell

sound-of-music-goodbyeAnother summer in Chicago has come and gone and now it’s time to lovingly look back at the summer that was.

From the start of the Memorial Day weekend through the end of the Labor Day weekend, we tallied a total of 173 homicides and another 717 shot and wounded. In other words it was average despite all the #CrimeIsDown chatter because:

  • 2012: 172
  • 2011: 163
  • 2010: 173

Summer 2013 by the numbers:

  • 173 dead
  • 717 wounded
  • 782 males
  • 107 females
  • 27.6 average age
  • 143 blacks killed
  • 36 teenagers killed
  • 138 killed < 35 years old
  • 19.4% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 7 police involved shootings
  • 59 shot in the head
  • 38 shot & wounded in the ass
  • Team Englewood lead w/ 18 dead

As Cubs fans have been saying for the last 105 years, wait until next year.


Posted on Sept 6, 2013 at 8:15 AM


safe_passage_assaultWe’ve been giving the Safe Passage program a lot of grief and rightfully so. The idea that some signs, yellow vests and massive amounts of police and fire overtime will do anything besides bring out some TV news cameras is laughable.

Now comes word that just one week into the school year many workers have already quit:

“Just over a week into the new school year, CBS 2 has discovered some serious problems with the safe passage program, including street corners that are uncovered and, in one case, massive turnover of safe passage workers.

In one case in the Roseland neighborhood, half the safe passage workers quit last week alone.

On Tuesday morning, there were no safe passage workers at a designated spot at 119th and State streets.”

Some reasons for the turnover:

“Last week was a very hot week,” he said. “A lot of people have health issues and were not ready to be out in the sun.” and “Supervisors say others find full-time, better paying jobs.”

So on one side we have people with health issues and on the other people who’ve all of a sudden found full time jobs in a part time economy. Bullshit! We’re going with the time tested excuses of laziness, boredom and apathy.


Posted on Sept 4, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Labor Day Weekend Shitshow

flagWhile the StreetLight Assassin was telling everyone that #CrimeIsDown because there were a handful less murders than last August (despite quite a few people being in critical-to-grave condition), we just experienced our most violent Labor Day weekend since 2011.

From Friday afternoon through early morning Tuesday there were a total of 11 homicides and another 27 shot and wounded. Last year there were just 4 homicides whereas 2011 saw 10.

Labor Day weekend by the numbers:

  • 11 dead
  • 27 wounded
  • 36 were male
  • 2 were female
  • 23.6 average age
  • 11 teenagers
  • 27 <= 25 years old
  • 26% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 2 police involved shootings
  • 21 different neighborhoods

Well at least it wasn’t as bad as the 4th of July weekend. Success!

Also, September is off to a hell of a start with 5 homicides and another 17 shot and wounded.


Posted on Sept 3, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Fifty One, Now Fifty Two

CarnacBack on August 1st, we said: “August is typically one of the most deadly months of the year. We’re going to forecast 50 homicides (+/-5) and 230 (+/-15) shot and wounded.”

While there are quite a few who are in critical condition and likely on life support, barring those late expirations (Update: +1 late expiration), the month closed out with a total of 51 52 homicides plus an additional 225 shot and wounded. We were “dead” on. Damn, we’re good.

The 51 52 homicides by the numbers:

  • 48 were male
  • 4 were female
  • 41 were shot
  • 30 average age
  • 20 shot in the head
  • 14 shot in the torso
  • 15% shot-to-kill ratio
  • 1 police involved
  • 2 on Safe Passage routes
  • 30 different neighborhoods
  • 5 killed in Englewood
  • 4 killed in West Pullman

Looking ahead to September, we’re going to forecast 40 (+/-4) homicides and 195 (+/-15) shot and wounded. 


Posted on Sept 1, 2013 at 8:00 AM
Update on Sept 2, 2013 at 8:00 PM

Honor Student Update

Antonio-LewisYou may remember our 1st Honor Student of the Week, Antonio Lewis. If not, back in June, Antonio “allegedly” shot and killed a five year old and his mother in their New City neighborhood home. He also attempted to kill the 11 year old brother too but his gun jammed.

Antonio is back in the news again, this time because he’s being tagged with another murder charge:

“Antonio Lewis, of the 5500 block of South Winchester Avenue, was charged with first-degree murder on Thursday in connection with the shooting death of 30-year-old Brandon Johnson on Halloween last year.

Police said Johnson may have been conducting a “narcotics transaction” when he opened the door of his apartment, in the 5400 block of South Wolcott Avenue, and Lewis shot him.”

That’s quite a rap sheet for an 18 year old. But, don’t forget, his buddy tried to have him killed a day after the double homicide. That said…

“Lewis isn’t scheduled to appear in bond on the third murder charge, in the death of Johnson, because he’s still hospitalized.”

Bummer. Get well soon Antonio.


Posted on August 30, 2013 at 7:00 AM