Enlightening Commentary

April Wrap-up

Posted on May 2, 2017

Carnac the Magnificent Where March produced chants of “CRIME IS DOWN” due to a slight decrease in the increase, April is being ignored and is instead being rolled into the entire year as proof the decrease is increasing.

April 2017: 48 killed, 270 wounded
April 2016: 40 killed, 274 wounded
April 2015: 37 killed, 204 wounded
April 2014: 37 killed, 232 wounded

A breakdown of the month’s idiocy shows:

  • 46 shot & killed
  • 0 CPD shootings to blame
  • Averaged 10.5 people shot per day
  • 8 days were homicide-free. Success?
  • 4 death investigations
  • 58 in serious or critical condition
  • 47 males killed vs 1 female
  • 81 teenagers shot, 11 killed
  • 19 grazed
  • 1 selfie
  • 17 #ShotInTheAss

Our March prediction was pretty good, however we’re not so sure about May. While last May jumpstarted the summer shooting season with 69 homicides and 339 wounded, this May is starting off much cooler and wetter. We’re looking for 60 homicides plus another 300 shot and wounded along with the usual 70+ ventilated over Memorial Day weekend.