Enlightening Commentary

1st Quarter Wrap-up

Posted on April 2, 2015

CarnacAround this time last year, we were treated to declarations, proclamations and damn near a ticker tape parade in praise of the lowest [choose your crime] rate since some Potawatomi honor students left a wagon up on cannonballs at Fort Dearborn.

This year, despite a very cold February, the parade has been postponed until further notice. We’re running a bit hot and the weather is only going to get hotter:

  • 85 homicides (+16% yoy)
  • 359 shot & wounded (+49% yoy)
  • 431 total shot (+46% yoy)

Last April kicked off the stupid season with 37 homicides and another 232 shot and wounded. Given the current pace of stupidity coming out of Q1, we’re predicting 40 (+/- 3) homicides and 225 (+/- 10) shot and wounded for April. No foolin’.

Keep it short and to the point. Name calling and similar stupidity will be deleted. If you insist on writing several paragraphs, start your own blog.

  1. DMS April 2, 2015 at 11:18 pm

    With the warming weather it should be a “Good Friday”, Sorry to say.
    The other stat that I’ve seen, and would love to see someone disprove:
    The number of honor students shot in the junk increases/decreases as the weather changes.
    The belt buckle shot is more accurate in the winter vs. the summer, and the chest shot collects more junk in the summer.

  2. Fr. Marquette April 3, 2015 at 4:56 am

    With literally hundreds of shooters who have not been arrested still practicing the art of lead displacent and an election of two mayoral candidates that make Fidel and Stalin look like capitalists, I think Chiraq may go over 50/250. Not too mention opening day which will be marred by thug life scum who now wander the streets unabated.

  3. Pasqual LoPresti April 3, 2015 at 6:28 am

    I love the spin Deputy Dog gave on this increased rate “you cant judge the year by the 1st 3 months. Heres the problem numbnuts, its been one of the coldest winters, so this number is likely deflated due to that fact..yes fact. See this is the very reason your boss has kept you off the air. Your every 2 to 3 day Deputy Dog News Report “crime is down” bullshit. Your boss 9fingers reniged on his promise of 4 years ago to hire 1000 new police officers. He claims we cant afford it, so too bad the kids have to die in the strrets. And yet he passes out 100s of millions at his whim to his friends in his pay to play club. He has violated his oath of office to serve and protect the city and its citizens. Its time to take back our city this tuesday………….

    • Dan April 3, 2015 at 8:14 pm

      Very sad.

      • Dan April 3, 2015 at 8:15 pm

        I just meant in general, wasn’t responding to Pasqual’s comment.

  4. NorNev April 3, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    I’m not from Chicago so I’m just wondering……do any of these honor students look like what an obama son would look like?

  5. Nick April 4, 2015 at 8:00 am

    Just an observation.
    1. I guarantee that all Honor Roll students will get a break b\c the three stooges won’t risk the potential controversy of a questionable police action.

    2. The Validictorians have racked up some remarkable first quarter statistics. This probably points to an impressive 2nd – 4th quarter showing.

    ” Here come Peter Cotton-Tail, hopping down the bunny trail…hippity hop,hop, hipppity hop, hop, Easter’s on its way”.

    I wonder if Chiraq’s most gifted youngins will don their “Sunday goin to meetin clothes” and take their Momma’s to breakfast and church instead of loading iron and battling for turf?

    Have a terrific weekend folks, friends and beer lovers.


  6. Tony April 10, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    It may have been cold, but the honor students do not shoot very accurate regardless of the weather. The spread between dead and wounded to way too far a gap. I think a more acceptable spread would be 50 dead for every 100 shot. Though this is not good, it would represent a gross improvement over the present average. These idiots waste a lot of ammo so I suggest they teach marksmanship in the schools so they can have some idea of what they are doing before they quit in the 7th grade. This would relieve the pressure in the
    Emergency rooms.

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