N. Mayfair Shootout

Posted on Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

Our initial thought here is that the shooter seen in the video has a pretty good idea of how to handle a firearm which is contrary to the typical 90°-tilt-held-above-your-head-gangbanger bullshit. The Tribune says:

“No one was wounded in the incident about 3:15 p.m. Saturday in the 4800 block of North Kenneth Avenue in the North Mayfair neighborhood, said Chicago police spokesman Sgt. Bob Kane.

Police were called to the area because of shots fired and determined that two male suspects exchanged gunfire, but no one was hit, Kane said.”

Another item we immediately noticed are the small poofs of pavement dust, likely indicating rounds from another shooter who was holding their shitty, stolen semi-auto in a similar fashion to what we described above. Or better said in plain newspeak:

“Meanwhile, at least three bursts of dust can be seen on the street, possibly someone firing from behind the car with the dashcam.”

Right. What they said.

1 Comment

Summer Kickoff

Posted on Friday, May 22nd, 2015

American FlagThe Memorial Day weekend marks the start of the summer shooting and killing season. Now through Labor Day, we’ll expect to tally somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 homicides and another 800 shot and wounded.

Final Stupidity Tally: 12 killed, 45 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 8 killed, 22 wounded

Friday 5/22
2:45p 3000 W Roosevelt, North Lawndale, M/21
7:05p 2909 W 66th, Chicago Lawn, M/37 !!
8:00p 7039 S Justine, Englewood, M/17
8:00p 7039 S Justine, Englewood, F/4
8:00p 7039 S Justine, Englewood, F/15
11:10p 640 N Menard, Austin, M/26
Saturday 5/23
12:15a 900 N Monticello, Humboldt Park, M/20
12:15a 900 N Monticello, Humboldt Park, M/21
12:15a I55/Damen, Bridgeport, M/15
12:30a 9200 S Normal, Washington Heights, M/44
12:30a 9200 S Normal, Washington Heights, M/19
12:30a 1100 W 104th, Washington Heights, F/45
12:30a 1100 W 104th, Washington Heights, M/18
1:05a 3200 W Walnut, Garfield Park, M/21
1:15a 100 E Garfield, Washington Park, M/20
1:45a 1700 W Pierce, West Town, M/34
2:10a 1000 W 14th, Near West Side, M/20

3:00a 11200 S Steward, Roseland, M/26
12:45p 100 N Laramie, Austin, M/24
3:15p 5yr old killed in hit-and-run
5:30p 6800 S Stony Island, South Shore, M/25
9:10p 100 N Kildare, Garfield Park, M/28
!!!!HAWKS WIN!!!!
11:30p 7300 S Damen, Englewood, M/30
11:45p 4717 N Troy, Albany Park, M/27
Sunday 5/24
12:10a 1300 S Millard, North Lawndale, M/20
12:20a 3805 W Hirsch, Humboldt Park, M/32
12:30a 7900 S East End, South Shore, M/32
12:30a 7900 S East End, South Shore, M/24 !
12:35a 10100 S Yale, Roseland, M/33
12:50a 6135 S Honore, Englewood, M/39
12:50a 6135 S Honore, Englewood, F/29
12:50a 6135 S Honore, Englewood, M/25
3:30p 3200 W Maypole, Garfield Park, M/38
4:00p 3300 W Division, Humboldt Park, M/28

☂☂ Rain Delay ☂☂
5:35p 4500 N St. Louis, Albany Park, M/19
8:15p 800 E 45th, Kenwood, M/15
8:15p 800 E 45th, Kenwood, M/14
10:30p 2000 W 69th, Englewood, M/20
10:30p 2000 W 69th, Englewood, M/25
Memorial Day
2:00a 5900 W Montrose, Portage Park, M/20
3:25a 11300 S Stewart, Roseland, M/25
3:25a 11300 S Stewart, Roseland, M/25
4:30a 10800 S Avenue N, East Side, M/20
11:00a 1600 S Springfield , North Lawndale, M/17
11:30a 3800 W Roosevelt, North Lawndale, M/22
2:30p 4100 N Hamlin, Irving Park, M/29
5:25p 100 E 36th Pl, Douglas, M/19

7:50p 5927 S Laflin, Englewood, M/21 !
7:50p 4956 W Erie, Austin, M/18
9:20p 1200 N Central, Austin, M/20 !
9:35p 5yr old boy killed by family dog
9:55p 1540 S Ridgeway, North Lawndale, M/32
9:55p 1540 S Ridgeway, North Lawndale, M/39
10:20p 6700 N Clark, Rogers Park, M/27
10:30p 7100 S Emerald , Englewood, M/27
10:45p 6500 S Normal, Englewood, M/25
Tuesday Overtime
12:30a 1400 N Lotus, Austin, M/20
12:30a 1400 E 66th, Woodlawn, M/34 !
2:00a 4800 W Madison, Austin, F/47

! #ShotInTheAss
!! #ShotInThJunk
Memorial Day Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Tuesday


Shootings Are Down

Posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Chicago Police BadgeWe’re constantly told how crime is at its lowest level since Potawatomi Chief Blackbird reclassified killing Fort Dearborn civilians from casualties of war to workplace violence. However, one stat that has fallen no matter who is doing the counting is the number of people shot by the CPD:

“Chicago police Superintendent Garry McCarthy credited better training and supervision as well as restraint by officers Wednesday for police-involved shootings plummeting so far this year.

Through Tuesday, officers fired their weapons at people on 10 occasions, down sharply from 18 over the same period last year and 25 in both 2013 and 2012, according to department statistics.

Of those 10 police-involved shootings this year, people were shot in half of them, one fatally, McCarthy said. The department released comparable numbers for only 2011, saying at the same point in the year police had shot at 37 people, striking 21 of them, nine fatally.”

That’s good news for a number of different reason, but on the flip side the number of non-police people shooting other non-police people has jumped nearly 18% since last year. And that would be bad news.


Comments are off for this post.

Weekend Recap

Posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2015

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No EvilComing off the most violent weekend of the year, you may expect to see a lot of news stories and political hand wringing over “the children”, but you’d be wrong because no one really gives a shit. In any event, the Redeye penned a story breaking down some of the stats and attempting to explain why things got so stupid:

“In what likely will shape up to be the most violent weekend so far this year, 49 people were shot—two fatally—in a stretch lasting from Friday afternoon to early morning Monday. Chicago police wouldn’t talk about what may have caused the outbreak in violence scattered across the city, but at least one expert believes there’s a correlation between the mercury rising and the large number of shootings.

“The one weather variable that fairly consistently shows a relationship between most kind of crime is temperature.” Heat doesn’t cause crime, she [Dr. Ellen G. Cohn] said, but “people just tend to be more relaxed in the summer; people have more opportunity to interact”—and drink. That combination of factors can lead to Chicago’s bloody summer homicide tallies.”

Nonsense. It’s really simple. When shootings, homicides and crime in general is low, say in January or February, it’s due to “effective policing strategies” and “working with the community”. When shootings, homicides and crime is high, say now through October, it’s because of guns, guns, guns.


The Weekend Shitshow

Posted on Friday, May 15th, 2015

The Triple FacepalmWhat did the warmest weekend of the year thus far bring us? A lot of really stupid people doing a lot of really stupid shit.

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 47 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 6 killed, 25 wounded

Friday 5/15
2:00p 6011 S Wentworth, Englewood, M/22
2:00p 6011 S Wentworth, Englewood, M/19
2:00p 6011 S Wentworth, Englewood, M/21
3:25p 919 E 82nd, Chatham, M/23
5:00p 7800 S Carpenter, Auburn Gresham, F/81
5:00p 7800 S Carpenter, Auburn Gresham, M/34
7:25p 7400 S Artesian, Chicago Lawn, M/24
7:25p 7400 S Artesian, Chicago Lawn, M/28
9:50p 11900 S Wallace, West Pullman, M/33
10:40p 6700 S Cornell, South Shore, M/25
10:50p 7400 S Wentworth, Grand Crossing, M/25
Saturday 5/16
12:00a 1300 W Hastings, Near W. Side, M/24
12:15a 200 W 38th, Armour Square, F/58
12:15a 100 S Leamington, Austin, F/24
12:15a 100 S Leamington, Austin, M/38
1:00a 3600 W Polk, Garfield Park, M/22
1:00a 3600 W Polk, Garfield Park, M/23
1:20a 100 S California, Garfield Park, M/29 !
2:55a 8800 S Princeton, Roseland, M/21
2:55a 8800 S Princeton, Roseland, M/24
3:25a 200 E 120th, West Pullman, M/33 !
5:30a 1700 N Western, West Town, F/18
10:55a 3900 S Calumet, Grand Boulevard, M/17
10:55a 3900 S Calumet, Grand Boulevard, M/25
12:10p 1400 N Springfield, Humboldt Park, M/15
12:10p 1400 N Springfield, Humboldt Park, M/26
1:50p 7200 S Princeton, Grand Crossing, M/24
2:30p 4300 S Oakenwald, Kenwood, M/21
4:05p 1529 S Kolin, North Lawndale, M/?
9:10p 2500 S Harding, Little Village, M/35
9:10p 4500 N Malden , Uptown, M/29
Sunday 5/17
12:30a 5300 S Campbell, Gage Park, M/31
12:35a 900 W 116th, West Pullman, M/52
1:15a 3700 S Wentworth, Armour Square, M/30
1:20a 2400 W 62nd, Chicago Lawn, F/25
1:35a 8200 S Kimbark, Avalon Park, M/48
2:30a 900 N Harding, Humboldt Park, F/25
2:50a 900 W 52nd, New City, F/25
2:50a 900 W 52nd, New City, F/25 !
3:20a 6100 S King, Washington Park, M/31
12:20p 400 W 65th, Englewood, M/22
6:00p 7000 S Emerald, Englewood, M/23
8:15p 7320 S Claremont, Chicago Lawn, M/25
11:50p 5800 S Morgan, Englewood, M/25
Monday Overtime
12:10a 6100 S Bishop, Englewood, M/24
12:30a 1700 W 21st, Lower W Side, M/14
1:10a 7800 S South Shore, South Shore, M/28
1:10a 7800 S South Shore, South Shore, M/29
2:50a 2900 E 78th, South Shore, M/24

! #ShotInTheAss
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


1, 2, 20+ Homicides Missing

Posted on Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

The CountWhen Chicago Magazine published its two missives (here and here) last spring on how the Chicago Police Department jukes the stats so that certain individuals can proclaim #CrimeIsDown, many of our suspicions were confirmed.

Chicago published a follow-up and much to no one’s surprise, nothing has changed.

“A full year has passed since Chicago raised serious questions about the accuracy of the Chicago Police Department’s crime statistics under Mayor Rahm Emanuel and his handpicked top cop, Garry McCarthy.

After publication, did the police superintendent’s office check into the truth behind the cases we flagged? It doesn’t appear so.

The day the article was published, a producer from WTTW’s Chicago Tonight reached out to Adam Collins, then the director of the police department’s Office of News Affairs. Collins turned down the producer’s request for a police official to appear on the show and tried to persuade her to cancel the segment altogether. “What a joke,” he updated his City Hall counterparts. “Spent all afternoon arguing with the people who air Sesame Street.”

What a joke indeed. At least Big Bird, Elmo and The Count can count. The article continues on to document case after case of homicides that don’t, for various reasons, don’t show up in the official stats.

Seeing as how we are consistently lied to about anything and everything of any significance, it’s no wonder why so many people have lost trust in all levels of government.

PS – All the cases listed as missing, except for the time shifted ones, were always a part of our 2014 stats. Maybe that makes us more official than the official stats.


Comments are off for this post.

Mother’s Day Weekend

Posted on Monday, May 11th, 2015

Throw Momma From the TrainAs usual, cool temps and ample amounts of precipitation assisted the CPD with their duties on Friday and into Saturday. However, not even Mother Nature on Mother’s Day can keep the usual jagoffs from ventilating one another.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 25 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 5 killed, 19 wounded

Friday 5/8
3:00p 4700 S Greenwood, Kenwood, M/18
9:00p 400 W 80th, Chatham, M/20
11:20p 31 assholes standoff w/ SWAT
Saturday 5/9
2:20a 6200 S May, Englewood, M/27
12:00p 13200 S Langley, Riverdale, M/31
1:00p 7200 S Green, Englewood, M/22
2:30p 7900 S Champlain, Chatham, F/23
3:25p 7000 S Sangamon, Englewood, M/32
5:50p 3100 W Madison, Garfield Park, M/38
9:00p 300 S Wood , Near West Side, F/17
11:55p 7458 S Cottage Grove, Grand Crossing, M/23
11:55p 7458 S Cottage Grove, Grand Crossing, M/23
Mother’s Day
4:35a 0 N Long Ave, Austin, M/23
5:50a 1600 W Lake, Near West Side, M/32
8:45a 4200 W Division, Humboldt Park, M/50
10:40a 5200 W Thomas, Austin, F/38
3:35p 1700 W Warren, Near West Side, M/17
4:00p 7400 S St. Lawrence, Grand Crossing, M/32
5:50p 5323 S Hamilton, New City, M/15 !
5:50p 5323 S Hamilton, New City, M/16
6:45p 2500 W Madison, Near West Side, M/?
10:30p 2300 W Monroe, Near West Side, M/?
11:55p 1200 W 82nd, Auburn Gresham, M/27
Monday Overtime
2:35a 1000 E 73rd, Grand Crossing, F/27
3:00a 4800 N Sheridan, Uptown, M/23
3:30a 7700 S Emerald, Auburn Gresham, M/21
3:30a 7700 S Emerald, Auburn Gresham, M/24
3:30a 7700 S Emerald, Auburn Gresham, M/28
3:45a 6700 S Jeffery, South Shore, M/23

! #ShotInTheAss
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on Sunday, May 10th, 2015

Carol BradyHappy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. Have yourself a relaxing and enjoyable day.

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Unhappy Meal

Posted on Thursday, May 7th, 2015

Unhappy MealMcDonald’s announced a turn around plan this week that included well known fast food delectables like kale. However, not mentioned anywhere was the addition of cast iron fire hydrant caps to the menu:

“A toddler and 7-month-old baby were hurt Monday when two Little Village men attacked the boys’ family minivan in a McDonald’s drive-thru, prosecutors said.

Jonathan Gonzalez, 18, and Luis Olvera, 20, were targeting the kids’ father, a rival gang member who was sitting in the front passenger seat, Assistant State’s Attorney Erin Antonietti said in court Thursday.

According to prosecutors, Gonzalez removed two caps from a nearby fire hydrant and tossed them into the minivan’s backseat — shattering the window and sending glass into the young boys’ faces.”

Of course, what would two upstanding citizens like Johnny and Luis be without some priors?

“Gonzalez… was charged with aggravated battery to a child and criminal damage to property. He’s currently on juvenile parole for robbery.

Olvera… was charged with aggravated battery to a child and reckless conduct. He’s currently on probation for a 2014 conviction for drugs and aggravated battery to a police officer.

Not even a conviction for the battering of a police officer can keep these jagoffs off the street.


Eat Fresh

Posted on Tuesday, May 5th, 2015

Fredrick WarrenWe’ve been conditioned over the past few years to only pay $5 for a footlong sub. When the price goes up to an awkward, two hands-needed, jingle offsetting $6, some people take their business elsewhere… with the aforementioned sub shop’s money:

“Police say a Chicago man robbed a Subway sandwich shop with a knife, and then crossed the street and bought a sandwich at Subway’s competitor, Potbelly, where he was arrested.

Fredrick Warren, 43, was still eating his Potbelly sandwich when police arrived just before 5 p.m. on April 26, police said.

About 20 minutes earlier, Warren had walked into the Subway at 6449 N. Sheridan Road and held up the cashier with a folding knife, police said.

[Surveillance video] showed Warren walking south down Sheridan Road, crossing the street and then walking back north to Potbelly at 6464 N. Sheridan Road, police said.

There was no sign of him leaving the Potbelly, so they went inside and found him eating near the back of the shop, his gold coat draped over his seat, police said.”

Take away: don’t rob a sub shop on an empty stomach.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, May 2nd, 2015

The Triple Facepalm“It’s beginning to get warmer. When it gets warmer, things happen…”

Final Stupidity Tally: 5 killed, 31 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 5 killed, 26 wounded

Friday 5/1
1:40p 600 N Hamlin, Humboldt Park, M/21
5:00p 4200 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, M/29
5:00p 4200 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, M/30

5:00p 4200 W Grenshaw, North Lawndale, F/54
5:20p 1300 E 75th, South Shore, M/24
5:30p 4400 W Armitage, Hermosa, M/30
9:30p 13068 S Greenwood, Riverdale, M/18
9:30p 13068 S Greenwood, Riverdale, M/19
10:10p 7949 S Aberdeen, Auburn Gresham, M/26
Saturday 5/2
1:35a 5300 S Justine, New City, M/28
1:35a 5300 S Justine, New City, M/56
1:35a 6400 S Justine, Englewood, M/21
1:45a 4400 N Sacramento, Albany Park, M/15
2:20a 5700 S Bishop, Englewood, M/21
4:00a 5100 S Marshfield, New City, M/40
4:15a 5300 S Winchester, New City, M/19
4:15a 5300 S Winchester, New City, M/19
4:15a 2200 W Touhy, West Ridge, M/18
5:35a 5016 W Quincy, Austin, M/23
10:00a 6700 S Union, Englewood, M/23
5:20p 800 W Agatite, Uptown, M/19
10:00p 6200 S Wood, Englewood, M/20
10:15p 6400 S Wood, Englewood, M/27
Sunday 5/3
12:40a 3100 W 64th, Chicago Lawn, M/26
5:15a 300 W 103rd Pl, Roseland, M/58 (story)
5:15a 300 W 103rd Pl, Roseland, M/17
6:30a 5900 S Kedzie, Chicago Lawn, F/23
6:30a 5900 S Kedzie, Chicago Lawn, M/28
10:30a 6700 S Bishop, Englewood, M/23
10:30a 6700 S Bishop, Englewood, F/24
2:40p 1900 W Birchwood, Rogers Park, M/14
3:55p 400 S Kostner, Garfield Park, F/26
4:50p 8900 S Blackstone, Calumet Heights, M/20
4:50p 8900 S Blackstone, Calumet Heights, M/24
6:00p 5500 W Quincy, Austin, M/16
8:40p 1600 S Loomis, Lower W Side, M/21

police involved
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


April’s Thirtysomething

Posted on Friday, May 1st, 2015

CarnacAnother April bids adieu and not much has changed since the previous April – same crime, same mayor, same old same old.

Final Stupidity Tally: 36 killed, 205 wounded
Last April’s Tally: 37 dead, 232 wounded

A breakdown of the month’s idiocy shows:

  • 31 shot & killed
  • 2 stabbed
  • 2 strangled
  • 1 auto
  • 3 ongoing “death investigations”
  • 2 police-involved shootings (1 killed)
  • 28 in serious or critical condition
  • 29 males killed vs 7 females
  • 57 teenagers shot, 8 killed
  • 8 grazed
  • 5 selfies
  • 20 #ShotInTheAss
  • Rahm won a 2nd term

We were a little to aggressive on our prediction of 40 (+/- 3) homicides and 225 (+/- 10) shot and wounded for the month. As for our little Rain Delay contest we declare commenters Ben Lujan and Eddie as winners. The rest of you were too high, like us.

Looking ahead, May tends to behave like a warm up act for the summer headliner – hit or miss. Last year was a hit with 46 homicides and 231 shot and wounded. This May we’ll predict a total of 45 (+/-4) homicides plus another 230 (+/-10) shot and wounded.


Stat Inflation

Posted on Tuesday, April 28th, 2015

Inflation aheadWhenever the wheels come off, the stats tend to fly fast and furious – X% of people are/do/believe/watch/think/drink/kill this, them, these or those or Y out of Z think/thought/are/won’t/will/do/don’t this, that or the other thing.

In light of recent events, the haughty and enlightened Economist penned a short missive on the CPD’s police brutality issue with an eye popping stat:

“TODAY we stand together as a city to try and right those wrongs, and to bring this dark chapter of Chicago’s history to a close,” said Rahm Emanuel, Chicago’s mayor, on April 14th as he announced a $5.5m reparations package for (mostly black) suspects who were tortured by police in the 1970s and 1980s.

The next day the city council revealed that it is paying the family of Laquan McDonald, a black teenager fatally shot by a cop last autumn, as much as $5m to dissuade them from suing. The police refuse to release a video of the shooting, saying the investigation is still going on. Many Chicagoans are unimpressed.

Ok, count us as some of the unimpressed. They continue with…

Chicago’s cops shoot about 50 suspects dead each year—more than 75% of them black.

What, the, !@#$?! 50? Dead? A year? Where the hell did they get 50? Granted our police-involved shooting data only goes back to 2008, but never did the CPD come anywhere close to gunning down 50 people. Total shot, maybe, but not dead.

It’s bad enough that taxpayers are shelling out lots of money for the actions of a few. The last thing that is needed are some junk stats to get spread around the internet and Upper East Side dinner parties as truth, when it’s anything but.


Weekend Wrap-up

Posted on Monday, April 27th, 2015

The Triple FacepalmIt’s pretty clear from the timeline below when the fall-like rain rolled through Chicagoland – or when “strategies” were working. On the flip side, it’s obvious to see when it wasn’t raining – or when guns became the issue again.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 23 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 9 killed, 41 wounded

Friday Pre-game
9:55a 7000 S Talman, Chicago Lawn M/26
Friday 4/24
12:40p 7200 S Champlain, Grand Crossing, M/16
5:20p 700 N St. Louis, Humboldt Park, M/18 !
7:40p 800 N Lockwood, Austin, M/16
7:45p 7145 S Carpenter, Englewood, M/15
11:00p 9300 S LaSalle, Roseland, F/19
11:00p 9300 S LaSalle, Roseland, M/28
11:00p 9300 S LaSalle, Roseland, M/30
Saturday 4/25
1:05a 3400 S Hamilton, Mckinley Park, M/18
11:00a 4100 W Cermak, North Lawndale, M/26
7:30p 5900 S Maplewood, Chicago Lawn, M/14
9:45p 12200 S Union, West Pullman, M/19
Sunday 4/26
12:10a 1800 W 89th, Auburn Gresham, M/26
1:00a 6600 S Oakley, Chicago Lawn, F/35
1:00a 6600 S Oakley, Chicago Lawn, M/25
1:15a 6500 S Maplewood, Chicago Lawn, F/41
12:40p 3500 W Flournoy, Garfield Park, M/20
1:15p 3000 S Kedvale Ave, Little Village, M/21
2:30p 1000 N Harding, Humboldt Park, M/13
2:30p 1000 N Harding, Humboldt Park, M/15 !
4:50p 5500 S Lafayette, Washington Park, M/25 !
4:50p 5500 S Lafayette, Washington Park, , F24
6:00p 12000 S South Parnell, West Pullman, M/24 !
9:30p 5400 S Prairie, Washington Park, M/24
11:10p 600 S Independence, Garfield Park, M/28
Monday Overtime
3:55a 900 W Wilson, Uptown, M/24

! #ShotInTheAss
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Rain Delay Weekend

Posted on Friday, April 24th, 2015

Rain delayA wet, fall-like weekend is on tap for Chicagoland. Therefore, we’re not expecting the same level of stupid that usually populates the weekends this time of year. We’re going to take it easy this weekend and leave you all with an open post and a little contest:

Guess the final April tallies (homicides & wounded) and the closest without going over wins some stickers. Price is Right rules apply.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who took a guess. No more guesses. We’ll see who is closest on Friday.


Uber Shooter

Posted on Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

Uber logoSince Illinois’ concealed carry law went into effect last March, around 4.5 million Illinois residents have been killed or critically wounded during shootouts in Wal-mart parking lots statewide. Adding to the body count was an Uber driver who should have done the right thing and called the police while sheltering in place, cowering in fear.

“Authorities say no charges will be filed against an Uber driver who shot and wounded a gunman who opened fire on a crowd of people in Logan Square over the weekend.

The driver had a concealed-carry permit and acted in the defense of himself and others, Assistant State’s Attorney Barry Quinn said in court Sunday.

A group of people had been walking in front of the driver around 11:50 p.m. Friday in the 2900 block of North Milwaukee Avenue when Everardo Custodio, 22, began firing into the crowd, Quinn said.

The driver pulled out a handgun and fired six shots at Custodio, hitting him several times, according to court records. Responding officers found Custodio lying on the ground, bleeding, Quinn said.”

Nice shooting. According to our notes, this is only the 2nd shooting where a CCW permit holder has connected. The other 3,000+ didn’t require such paperwork and hoop-jumping.


Springtime for Stupid

Posted on Saturday, April 18th, 2015

3 StoogesThis weekend last year was Easter Weekend and in celebration the honor students ventilated one another to the tune of 10 killed and another 36 shot and wounded. With no holiday to celebrate this year, they’ll have to make due with just your average stupidity.

Final Stupidity Tally: 6 killed, 31 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 10 killed, 36 wounded

Friday Pre-game
6:00a 100 W 71st St, Grand Crossing, M/24
9:30a 7454 S Perry Ave, Grand Crossing, M/24
11:55a 6400 S Eberhart Ave, Woodlawn, M/19
Friday 4/17
4:20p 518 W 104th St, Roseland, M/27
4:30p 5400 S Laflin St, New City, M/30
5:50p 400 W 118th St, West Pullman, M/18
5:50p 400 W 118th St, West Pullman, M/19
9:00p 9300 S Eggleston, Washington Heights, M/22
9:00p 9300 S Eggleston, Washington Heights, M/24
9:00p 9300 S Eggleston, Washington Heights, M/23
9:45p 1000 W Congress Pkwy, Near W. Side, M/33
10:10p 800 N Lamon Ave, Austin, M/16 !
10:10p 7400 S Merrill Ave, South Shore, M/18 (story)
10:50p 1100 N Springfield, Humboldt Park, M/35
10:50p 1100 N Springfield Ave, Humboldt Park, M/36
11:50p 2900 N Milwaukee Ave, Avondale, M/22 (story)
Saturday 4/18
12:45a 1500 S Central Park Ave, N Lawndale, M/28
1:05a 2640 W Chicago, West Town, M/50
1:30a 3900 W Addison St, Irving Park, M/39
4:20a 1200 N Homan, Humboldt Park, M/40 !
6:35a 3200 W Le Moyne, Humboldt Park, M/25
3:45p 1500 N Massasoit Ave, Austin, M/24
Sunday 4/19
12:35a 100 W 127th St, West Pullman, M/21 !
5:20a 2300 S Washtenaw, Little Village, M/43
6:35a 5000 W Diversey, Belmont Cragin, F/34
6:35a 5000 W Diversey, Belmont Cragin, M/?
1:00p 200 W 59th St, Englewood, M/20
1:50p 900 N Karlov, Humboldt Park, M/18
1:50p 900 N Karlov, Humboldt Park, M/21
1:50p 900 N Karlov, Humboldt Park, M/18 !
1:55p 900 N Trumbull, Humboldt Park, M/16
1:55p 900 N Trumbull, Humboldt Park, M/16 !
3:05p 7900 S Wood, Auburn Gresham, M/23
3:05p 7900 S Wood, Auburn Gresham, F/23
3:05p 7900 S Wood, Auburn Gresham, M/29
7:35p 4700 W Van Buren St, Austin, M/32 !
8:45p 8141 S Muskegon, South Chicago, M/26
Monday Overtime
12:30a 5400 S Ellis, Hyde Park, F/22
12:30a 5400 S Ellis, Hyde Park, M/24
12:30a 5400 S Ellis, Hyde Park, M/35

police involved
! #ShotInTheAss
Weekend = 12p Friday – 6a Monday


Millions Here, Millions There

Posted on Tuesday, April 14th, 2015

$100 dollar billsIt seems like there’s been quite a few news stories of late about city taxpayers paying millions here (Burge) and a quarter million there (Koschman) for the stupidity of others. However, the story of the police shooting of Laquan McDonald from last October is most peculiar.

There’s been no trial, no lawsuit, no discovery, no depositions, yet city taxpayers are offering up $5 million to make it go away and make it go away now. Why? Video exists:

“The city does not want you to see video of the shooting of Laquan McDonald.

Attorney Jeffrey Neslund is barred from releasing the dash-cam video he obtained from the city under conditions of a $5 million settlement expected to be approved Wednesday by the Chicago City Council.”

Click-through and read a description of what’s on the video. It would appear that our betters have decided that $5 million is a small price to pay to keep the peace.

What say you?


Springtime Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, April 11th, 2015

3 StoogesThis time last year, the weather finally started to turn and the lead started to fly en masse. While 37 shot did seem unlikely, we did topped 500 shot and tallied our 100th homicide on the year.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 26 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 5 killed, 32 wounded

Friday 4/10
3:00p 1900 W 69th St, Englewood, M/24
7:25p 7400 S Peoria Ave, Englewood, M/28
10:35p 11300 S Green St, Morgan Park, M/39
Saturday 4/11
1:30a 4600 W 82nd St, Ashburn, M/?
2:30a 2100 S Wabash Ave, Near South Side, M/27
4:50a 800 N Mozart St, West Town, M/31
4:50a 800 N Mozart St, West Town, M/33
7:00p 1800 Blue Island Ave, Lower W Side, M/33
7:00p 100 E 117th St, West Pullman, M/20
8:40p 400 E 72nd St, Grand Crossing, M/22
11:00p 1400 E Hyde Park Blvd, Kenwood, M/19
Sunday 4/12
12:10a 4200 S Kedzie, Brighton Park, M/22
12:25a 11200 S Wentworth Ave, Roseland, F/30
12:30a 7700 S Kedzie Ave, Ashburn, M/30
2:30a I-290/Independence Blvd, Garfield Park
2:35a 3300 S Lituanica Ave, Bridgeport, M/30
2:40a 5500 W Gladys Ave Austin, M/21 !
2:40a 5500 W Gladys Ave Austin, M/22
3:05a 5500 S State St, Washington Park, M/51
3:15a 8700 S State St, Chatham, M/34
5:00a 5200 S Winchester Ave, New City, M/43
12:40p 8500 S Stony Island Ave, Avalon Park, M/20
2:00p 3600 N Oleander Ave, Dunning, F/35
4:20p 6100 S Ellis Ave, Woodlawn, M/32
6:35p 4500 N Magnolia Ave, Uptown, M/30
9:15p 7100 S State St, Grand Crossing, M/29
Monday Overtime
1:05a 11900 S Prairie Ave, West Pullman, M/22
2:20a 12500 S Yale Ave, West Pullman, M/17 !
2:20a 12500 S Yale Ave, West Pullman, M/22

! #ShotInTheAss


Rahm 2.0

Posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

darth-vader-faceExcept in the case of one movie franchise, sequels are rarely better than the originals. When it comes to second terms, they typically blow and blow hard.


Go Vote

Posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

runoffYeah the choices suck, but we’re pretty much screwed either way.


Hole(y) Weekend Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, April 4th, 2015

dead easter bunnyLast year’s Easter weekend (April 18-20) was a total bloodbath. This year we’re two weeks earlier and the weather won’t be quite as nice, but that won’t stop the honor students from adding to their unpaid hospital tabs.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 19 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 25 wounded

Friday Pre-game
11:30a 5800 S King Dr, Washington Park, M/21 (video was yanked)

Friday 4/3
1:20p 5100 S Prairie Ave, Washington Park, M/20
2:00p 7000 S Normal Ave, Englewood, M/18
4:00p 5100 S Maplewood Ave, Gage Park, M/23
4:40p 3200 W 60th St, Chicago Lawn, M/22
4:40p 3200 W 60th St, Chicago Lawn, M/24
5:15p 10300 S Wallace, Roseland, M/13
6:00p 5100 S Champlain, Grand Boulevard, M/17 !
6:15p 400 E 71st St, Grand Crossing, M/19
Saturday 4/4
12:15p 6500 S Marshfield Ave, Englewood, M/16
12:30p 11400 S Church St, Morgan Park, M/25
4:15p 7800 W Seeley Ave, Auburn Gresham, M/42
4:15p 6100 S Rockwell St, Chicago Lawn, M/34 (story)
8:20p 10000 S Bensley Ave, South Deering, M/17
9:45p 611 N Sawyer Ave, Humboldt Park, M/15
Easter Sunday
2:20a 6000 S Laflin St, Englewood, M/31
2:50a 300 N Latrobe Ave, Austin, M/19 !
4:55a 4600 W Diversey Ave, Belmont Cragin, M/25
11:40a 4200 W Cermak Rd, North Lawndale M/25
1:50p 1400 W 88th St, Auburn Gresham, F/17
3:30p 6800 S Hoyne Ave, Englewood, M/22 !
4:50p 6100 S Rockwell St, Chicago Lawn, M/16
11:15p 7000 S Vincennes Ave, Grand Crossing, M/29

! #ShotInTheAss


1st Quarter Wrap-up

Posted on Thursday, April 2nd, 2015

CarnacAround this time last year, we were treated to declarations, proclamations and damn near a ticker tape parade in praise of the lowest [choose your crime] rate since some Potawatomi honor students left a wagon up on cannonballs at Fort Dearborn.

This year, despite a very cold February, the parade has been postponed until further notice. We’re running a bit hot and the weather is only going to get hotter:

  • 85 homicides (+16% yoy)
  • 359 shot & wounded (+49% yoy)
  • 431 total shot (+46% yoy)

Last April kicked off the stupid season with 37 homicides and another 232 shot and wounded. Given the current pace of stupidity coming out of Q1, we’re predicting 40 (+/- 3) homicides and 225 (+/- 10) shot and wounded for April. No foolin’.


Tis But A Scratch

Posted on Tuesday, March 31st, 2015

Monty Python Black KnightBy our math, this change means the city just shaved off nearly 1,200 shootings from 2014 alone.

“Mayor Emanuel announced today that he is asking the Chicago Police Department to change the way it counts victims of gun violence. No longer will the CPD count gunshot wounds to a victim’s extremities. Instead, Emanuel is asking the CPD to only count those wounds that are deemed serious or critical to the victim’s health. Typically these would include only gunshot wounds to the torso or head.

“By asking our detectives to not waste time on non-life threatening wounds and knowing that the shooters will never be caught anyway, I’m asking [Chicago Police] Superintendent McCarthy to focus his resources on those that are seriously injured,” Emanuel told reporters at a recent campaign event.

Emanuel is facing a tough runoff election with Jesus “Chuy” Garcia where crime and city finances have been points of debate. Emanuel is touting the change as a cost cutting move that could save the city’s taxpayers millions plus would also serve to cut the crime rate in half.

“I’ve said repeatedly that we’re a city that cares. Therefore, if you want police assistance and top quality medical care, get shot in a place that will leave you seriously wounded. Otherwise, rub some dirt on it and quit your bitching,” Emanuel said.

For his part, Garcia said he’d look into appointing a panel and auditing the city’s crime data set but didn’t provide any additional details.

That’s how you #CrimeIsDown, change the rules.

(April Fools!)


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, March 28th, 2015

The Triple FacepalmIt’s March’s final weekend and we’ve already exceeded last March’s homicide (27) and shooting (104) tallies. There will be no #CrimeIsDown sermons come April 1st, especially since 1) G-Math has been MIA and 2) the mayoral runoff election is a little more than a week away and 60% increases in ventilated honor students doesn’t turn out the vote.

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 13 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 19 wounded

Friday 3/27
2:00p 6700 S Hoyne Ave, Englewood, M/20
6:00p 3200 W 87th St, Ashburn, M/23
7:15p 5300 W Jackson Blvd, Austin, M/23 !!

Saturday 3/28
1:20a 2239 S Michigan Ave, Near S. Side, M/36 (story)
1:20a 2239 S Michigan Ave, Near S. Side, M/39
1:30a 6300 W Belmont Ave, Dunning, M/28
1:45a 2000 W Fullerton Ave, Logan Square, F/27
2:00a 100 N Ada St, Near West Side, M/29
9:15a 8800 S Cottage Grove Ave, Chatham, M/26
2:40p 1000 W 103rd Pl, Washington Heights, M/38
4:25 PM 7000 S Laflin St, Englewood, M/15
4:25 PM 7600 S Hermitage Ave, Auburn Gresham, M/18
10:00p 800 N Lavergne Ave, Austin, M/18

Sunday 3/29
2:00a 12200 S Racine Ave, West Pullman, M/25
4:35p 3800 W Wilcox St, Garfield Park, M/33
7:50p 7500 S Dorchester Ave, South Shore, M/30

!! #ShotInTheJunk


Getting Away With Murder

Posted on Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

Police line, do not crossChicago’s homicide clearance rate has been dismal for years. Our stats say just 31.4% of homicides (backing out police, self defense, etc…) committed last year resulted in an arrest. That leaves a whole lotta people walking around with blood on their hands. WBEZ FOIA’d the CPD and they’ve confirmed our back of the envelope calculations:

“In his reelection campaign, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel is taking credit for a slight decline in the city’s homicide rate. But a WBEZ investigation raises a question about the murders that are still happening: Is the city doing enough to put the killers behind bars?

Emanuel has allowed detective ranks to decline during his term even as internal police records show some of the lowest murder clearance rates in decades.

Regarding the detectives, the number on the payroll is down by about 19 percent since Emanuel took office, according to records obtained by WBEZ under the state Freedom of Information Act. The ranks of evidence technicians and forensic investigators have thinned by even larger proportions.”

It’s not uncommon for scanner traffic to state there is “no crime lab available” or that the evidence technicians are in such a backlog that it’ll be 8 hours before they’ll arrive on scene (sometimes not at all).

What’s even worse is the non-lethal shootings clearance rate. Our math says just 4.2% (13) of shootings this year have lead to an arrest. Almost as many people, 10, have accidentally shot themselves so far this year.

In short, don’t shoot yourself.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Sunday, March 22nd, 2015

3 StoogesAfter last weekend’s St Paddy’s shitshow, one would think that 30 fewer degrees on the thermometer would literally cool things off. But no. Instead it’s the usual stupid shit perpetrated by the usual stupid people, er, honor students.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 18 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 3 killed, 18 wounded

Friday 3/20
4:25p 8100 S Houston Ave, South Chicago, M/21
4:45p 8100 S Drexel Ave, Chatham, M/30

Saturday 3/21
3:00a 5200 N Spaulding Ave, North Park, M/23
3:25a 800 S Pulaski Rd, Garfield Park, M/26
4:20a 4400 W Congress Pkwy, Garfield Park, M/20
12:30p 8800 S Wood St, Auburn Gresham, M/30
6:20p 2200 N Narragansett, Belmont Cragin, M/17
7:05p 10900 S Green Bay Ave, East Side, F/23
9:20p 4400 W Monroe St, Garfield Park, M/19
9:20p 4400 W Monroe St, Garfield Park, M/20
10:00p 6100 S Rockwell St, Chicago Lawn, M/30

Sunday 3/22
1:30a 13200 S Eberhart Ave, Riverdale, M/34 !!
1:55a 8700 S Wood St, Auburn Gresham, M/24 !
2:15a 2800 W 61st St, Chicago Lawn, F/23
2:15a 2800 W 61st St, Chicago Lawn, M/33
2:30a 3500 W Fullerton Ave, Logan Square, M/43
4:20a 5700 S Princeton Ave, Englewood, M/26
4:20a 5700 S Princeton Ave, Englewood, M/29
11:10a 5200 S Green St, New City, M/27
1:20p 700 S Kenneth Ave, Garfield Park, M/46
5:45p 1700 N McVicker Ave, Austin, M/17
6:45p 2200 W Winnemac Ave, Lincoln Square, M/?

! #ShotInTheAss
!! #ShotInTheJunk


Safe Passage Shooter

Posted on Sunday, March 22nd, 2015

Safe PassageThe whole idea behind the Safe Passage program has always been a bit of a joke. If some plastic signs and $10/hr temporary employees can keep the kiddies safe, then why not make the whole city a massive Safe Passage route?

Anyway, while honor students are expected to ignore all signage, possibly due to an abnormally low reading level, Safe Passage workers are not supposed to be the ones shooting students:

“A man identified by prosecutors as a Safe Passage worker was charged with shooting a 17-year-old girl Wednesday while working outside a school on the Far South Side.

Shelby Crawford, 18, who prosecutors said is on probation for a juvenile gun case, had been hired as a Safe Passage worker about two months ago, according to Cook County prosecutors and his family.

But a Chicago Public Schools spokesman said Crawford is not part of the Safe Passage program but was working as a “student support worker” monitoring the arrival and dismissal of students at Foundations College Prep.

Crawford was working as a Safe Passage worker in the 1300 block of West 111th Place about 4:15 p.m. when he got into an altercation with a group of teens. He then followed the group and opened fire, striking a 17-year-old girl in the chest with a bullet that lodged between her rib cage and lung…”

Nice shootin’ Tex. You showed them, didn’t you Shelly?


They Ain’t Going Anywhere

Posted on Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

Warning Revenue CameraRevenue (red light & speed) cameras have become a main talking point of the runoff election between Chewie Chavez and 9.5. One says they’re gone day one, the other just took a bunch offline in critical wards. Despite the yammering, revenue cameras aren’t going anywhere because they bring in too much revenue and Chicago is broke.

“A group of aldermen failed to force a vote at Wednesday’s City Council meeting on a plan to eliminate both red-light and speed cameras by 2018.

The ordinance, introduced by Ald. Roderick Sawyer (6th) in early October, has been languishing in the council’s Committee on Transportation and the Public Way since then.

Ald. John Arena (45th) tried to raise the matter directly in Wednesday’s City Council meeting. Citing public “mistrust,” he said the move to “phase out red-light and speed cameras” over the next three years “does so in a responsible way.”

Yet Ald. Edward Burke (14th) said eliminating the cameras constituted “throwing the baby out with the bath water” and called the maneuver an “affront” to Ald. Anthony Beale (9th), chairman of the Transportation Committee.

Aldermen then voted 34-14 to postpone consideration of the issue.”

What Ed wants, Ed gets. The cameras are staying because Ed needs the money.


St. Patrick’s Stupidity

Posted on Friday, March 13th, 2015

Drunk girlThe Saturday before St. Patrick’s Day is always a special time of the year in Chicago. Bros, Chads and Trixies flood the bars of Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Lincoln Park, Old Town, etc… and proceed to make complete fools of themselves while on the West and South sides of town, the normal shitshow plays out in earnest.

For a full breakdown of the stupidity in Wrigleyville on Saturday, CWB has all the details: YUCK OF THE IRISH: Wrigleyville Binge Spawns 17 Arrests

Final Stupidity Tally: 6 killed, 28 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 3 killed, 6 wounded

Friday the 13th
12:15p 1800 S Kedzie Ave, North Lawndale, M/18 !!#
1:00p 900 E 131st St, Riverdale, F/34 !
2:35p 9200 S Langley, Chatham, M/18
6:50p 6100 S Dorchester, Woodlawn, M/14
11:45p 1658 W Juneway Terr, Rogers Park, M/26
Saturday 3/14
11:30a 6900 S Peoria St, Englewood, M/23
1:10p 9200 S Langley Ave, Chatham, M/25
3:30p 5000 S Aberdeen St, New City, M/30 !
3:30p 5000 S Aberdeen St, New City, M/18
7:10p 4600 W Erie St, Austin, M/19
Sunday 3/15
2:45a 1200 N Damen Ave West Town, F/35
4:00a 5000 N Harding Ave, Albany Park, M/?
7:15a 4700 S Kostner Ave, Archer Heights, M/21
12:50p 5800 W Patterson St, Portage Park, M/16
1:15p 5800 S LaSalle St, Englewood, M/24
1:15p 5800 S LaSalle St, Englewood, M/25
1:15p 5800 S LaSalle St, Englewood, F/22
2:30p 5100 W Iowa St, Austin, M/18
3:00p 5900 S Artesian Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/16
3:15p 3400 W Douglas, North Lawndale, M/12
4:30p 5800 W North Ave, Austin, M/23
4:30p 5800 W North Ave, Austin, M/28

4:35p 1600 S Wolcott Ave, Lower W Side, M/20
7:30p 7900 S Dante Ave, Avalon Park, M/14
8:15p 2917 N Long Ave, Belmont Cragin, M/36
10:10p 700 W 118th St, West Pullman, M/25
11:55p 5900 S Campbell, Chicago Lawn, M/30
Monday Overtime
12:05a 4100 S Western Ave, Brighton Park, F/17
2:00a 6600 S Oakley Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/30
3:10a 2200 N Ashland Ave, Logan Square, M/41
3:10a 2200 N Ashland Ave, Logan Square, M/34

3:10a 2200 N Ashland Ave, Logan Square, M/26
3:10a 2200 N Ashland Ave, Logan Square, M/?
4:20a 4700 S King Dr, Grand Boulevard, M/19

! #ShotInTheAss
!! #ShotInTheJunk
# Selfie


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Wednesday, March 11th, 2015

It’s not often that what is heard over the scanner ends up on national media outlet. When we heard the above play out over the scanner, the inclusion of professional wrestling figures didn’t come to mind.

“The owner of the wrestling-themed restaurant The Squared Circle put his wrestling knowledge to use to stop a man with a gun this weekend.

Lee Varon, the husband of former WWE superstar Victoria, Lisa Marie Varon, disarmed the man and body-slammed him to the floor inside the restaurant’s kitchen Saturday night.

“The entire time this kid was fighting me, biting, scratching, head-butting, yelling ‘I’m not going to prison,’ ” Lee Varon said.

After the chef grabbed the weapon, Lee Varon slammed the suspected to the ground and pinned him there while he was yelling and kicking until police arrived.”

Other than the size difference being quite comical, we’re not sure why this jagoff was complaining about going to prison. He’ll be back on the streets in no time.

1 Comment

Morbid Monday

Posted on Tuesday, March 10th, 2015

Math is hardIt was just a few weeks ago when the masses were told that the reason shootings, homicides and most stupidity was down was because the CPD’s “strategies are working”. Of course below zero temps and a foot and half of snowfall had nothing to do with it because after all “it’s not the weather”.

Coming off a rather violent early March weekend, a sunny and low 50s Monday “surprisingly” left 4 dead and another 11 wounded. First came news of one of the most gruesome homicides in a long time:

“A 52-year-old woman was taken into custody Monday morning in connection with the death of a 9-month-old girl whose neck was slashed with a circular saw in the Little Village neighborhood.

Investigators suspect the woman used the saw to stop the child from crying, a police source said.”


And then not even 12 hours later on the other side of town:

“Odell Branch Sr. and his 5-year-old great-grandson had a routine most evenings: They would lounge on a couch, watch a Western and eat ice cream.

That’s what they were doing Monday night when gunfire ripped through the window of their home in the 200 block of West 105th Street on the Far South Side, killing Branch, 77, and wounding his great-grandson as well as a woman and her 2-year-old son who were outside.”

That’s four shot by one or more jagoff(s) where none of those hit were the likely target.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Friday, March 6th, 2015

3 StoogesWith some seasonal temperatures on tap for the first time in weeks, we figured it was time to dust off the old weekend Stupidity Tally. We’ll see if those strategies that worked so well when it was below zero still work when it’s 40 degrees warmer.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 19 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 0 killed, 11 wounded

Friday 3/6
4:15p 7300 S Phillips Ave, South Shore, M/42
4:20p 6800 S Justine St, Englewood, M/57
4:20p 6800 S Justine St, Englewood, M/18
5:00p Mother, 2 kids hit & killed by semi truck
8:15p Pedestrian fatally struck in Englewood
9:45p 3400 W 52nd St, Gage Park, M/36
Saturday 3/7
12:30a 1200 S Loomis St Near West Side, M/24
1:35a 1000 W 18th St, Lower W Side, M/22
1:35a 1000 W 18th St, Lower W Side, M/18
4:30a 4700 W Van Buren St, Austin, M/38
4:30a 8800 S Wabash Ave, Chatham, M/27
6:00a 1 killed in Goose Island accident
4:00p 2000 W 47th St, New City, M/40
5:30p 6400 S Eberhart Ave, Woodlawn, M/21
5:30p 6400 S Eberhart Ave, Woodlawn, M/19
7:00p 1800 N Merrimac Ave, Austin, F/25
7:55p 6100 S Kimbark Ave, Woodlawn, M/16
8:20p 8400 S Sangamon St, Auburn Gresham, M/18
Sunday 3/8
1:55a 6600 S Rhodes Ave, Woodlawn, M/44
7:30a 7700 N Paulina St, Rogers Park, M/19
12:25p 1000 W 89th St, Auburn Gresham, M/24
3:00p 6200 S King Dr, Washington Park, M/40
5:50p 200 E 58th St, Washington Park, F/44
5:50p 200 E 58th St, Washington Park, M/31
6:35p 6500 S Kimbark Ave, Woodlawn, F/25(story)
9:00p 4000 W 79th St, Ashburn, M/15



A Real Ball Buster

Posted on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

Ball Buster

We’re seeing stars just reading this:

“A Near North Side woman tried to escape police Sunday by grabbing an officer’s groin, authorities said.

Arnetha Lofton, 45, was arrested after she threatened an ex-boyfriend inside his home in the 4500 block of West 55th Street, according to a police report.

As the officers escorted Lofton outside, she grabbed one of them “by the scrotum and squeezed, causing instant pain,” the report said.”



February Wrap-up

Posted on Sunday, March 1st, 2015

dibsIf we said “14.6”, you’d likely assume that would be the average number of ventilated honor students per day in July, and you’d probably be right. However, when it comes to February that was the average temperature:

“Early Sunday morning, the weather service reported February’s average temperature was 14.6, tying a record for the month set in 1875. The normal average temperature for February is 27.7 degrees, according to the weather service.”

And as an added bonus, we also saw one of the snowiest Februarys on record:

“February 2015 will go down in the books as the third-snowiest February on record in Chicago, with just under 27 inches recorded at O’Hare for the month.”

Despite the cold and snow, the honor students still managed to kill nearly 20 people and wound another 60 – or about the same as last year. Of course, none of the above facts mean anything when it comes to the political smoke and mirrors, pandering and obfuscation:

“Chicago Police spokesman Martin Maloney credited the homicide slowdown this month to police partnering with residents and community leaders, putting more officers on the street in high-crime areas and intervening in gang conflicts.”

The exact same bullshit was said last year (and every year) after a winter full of record cold and snow. Anyone using common sense can see the general correlation between weather and crime:

“Though Chicago police officials typically downplay weather’s role in crime upticks or slowdowns, [Arthur] Lurigio said crime tends to follow weather patterns and this month’s dip in homicides is no exception.

“Given the time of the year and given the extreme nature of the temperature, we should be looking to the weather” as the cause of the slowdown, Lurigio said.”

Pfft. That’s nonsense Art. How could anyone attribute lower crime rates to really f*cking cold weather? Oh, right, just about everyone except for some political hacks.


Clout Bitches! v2.0

Posted on Friday, February 27th, 2015

Machine Alderman Ed BurkeNot even a month ago, we brought you the story of an old machine hack who magically gets his street plowed (multiple times) before everyone else. Of course, our betters frantically waved their hands in apparent horror and said there would be an investigation. Now after the latest snowfall event, the same thing happened again:

“A Chicago Sun-Times reporter visited the 14th Ward block Thursday morning where Burke and his wife, Illinois State Supreme Court Justice Anne Burke, live in a 5,600-square-foot, three-story home and found Burke’s street completely clean and salted by 9 a.m.

The pavement of nearby side streets was visible only where tires had left ruts.

But when asked Thursday about the status of the administration’s inquiry, Streets and Sanitation spokeswoman Molly Poppe said the matter had been taken up by Inspector General Joseph Ferguson.”

Deflect and PUNT!!!

“Any favoritism during snow-removal operations is simply unacceptable,” Poppe said Thursday. “The I.G. is currently looking into this matter, and while we can’t comment further since the investigation is ongoing, we look forward to receiving the I.G.’s report.”

Hahahahaha, right, sure. Expect said investigation to release their findings on a hot summer Friday afternoon, preferably right before a holiday weekend, like say, the 4th of July.


We’ve Gotta Runoff

Posted on Tuesday, February 24th, 2015

runoffNot that it’s going to make any difference in the end, but at least we’ll be entertained for the next six weeks. Various media stories on the day’s events:

Chicago Tribune: Political dynamics change as Emanuel, Garcia move into runoff campaign

Chicago Sun-Times: Analysis: Runoff election is ‘still Rahm’s to lose’ — and still a huge embarrassment

DNAInfo Chicago: How Chicago Wards Voted in the 2015 Mayoral Election

John Kass: Chumbolones stand tall in Chicago mayoral election

Chicago Reader: Now it’s time for the real mayoral debate

Chicago Tribune: Why Rahm Emanuel might lose



Posted on Saturday, February 21st, 2015

Chicago Mayors: Thompson, Cermak, Daley, Washington, Daley“I’m the mayor, and don’t you ever forget it.” – Richard J. Daley, 1955

This Tuesday, Chicagoans get to pretend that we have a say on who gets to run the city. Four years ago, our betters and their more-than-willing media lapdogs preordained Rahm months before the vote. However, instead of a coronation, we may actually get to see something that hasn’t occurred in Chicago since 1983 – an election.

In case you didn’t know, Chicago has a runoff style electoral system where if no candidate receives 50% +1 on Tuesday, there will be a runoff between the top two finishers in April.

Therefore the goal of Tuesday is to force a runoff, not only between Rahm and whoever, but also in the aldercreature races as well. Whoever the incumbent is, vote against him or her.

Make them work for the next six weeks and then after April 7th we can return to our usual serf/noble feudal model of government.


… Aaaand It’s Gone!

Posted on Thursday, February 19th, 2015

South Park - And it's gone!“You can reclassify an aggravated assault or you can unfound a robbery, but how do you make a body disappear?” – Major Howard “Bunny” Colvin, The Wire

Looks as if G-Math took Bunny’s advice and unfounded a robbery, only the one unfounded was the most publicized robbery of 2014 – the one involving the Mayor’s son. Our colleagues over at Crime in Wrigleyville and Boystown made the eye-popping discovery:

“CWB has found that the beating and robbery of Emanuel’s teenage son on December 19 does not appear anywhere in the Chicago Data Portal — a city-run public web site that is supposed to be so accurate, the Chicago Police Department used its existence as an excuse to stop issuing annual reports to citizens after nearly 50 years.

After two armed robberies were reported in Emanuel’s neighborhood this week, a CWB editor visited the city database to compare year-over-year robbery rates for that area.

He didn’t get very far: “The robbery of the mayor’s son was probably the highest-profile robbery in Chicago last year,” he said, “Its absence screamed at me.”

CWB contacted the Chicago Police Department about the missing data on Tuesday morning. No one has responded to our inquiry.”

It’s bullshit like this along with the Chicago Magazine articles and the Chicago Tribune article that made us stop using the “data” portal a year ago.

Like we said when this story first broke, “we wouldn’t be surprised if this strong-arm robbery gets downgraded to theft, lost property or just goes away completely.” Between the alleged offender being charged as a juvenile (therefore no mugshot, no names, no details, hence no story) and the missing data point, it looks like “goes away completely” was an accurate prediction.


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Wednesday, February 18th, 2015

Bilal MatariehWhat is it about these gadgets that makes people do dumb things?

“A 25-year-old man swiped six iPhones from the Lincoln Park Apple store after he booked a Genius Bar appointment under a fake name, prosecutors said Tuesday.

The only problem? He showed store employees his real ID before the ripoff, Assistant State’s Attorney Erin Antonietti said during a bond hearing.”

Ok, so maybe he’s not the most brilliant of honor students. Anyway…

“According to a police report, Matarieh made a Feb. 7 appointment at the Lincoln Park store at 801 W. North Ave. under the guise of needing his phone repaired. At one point, he allegedly walked behind a counter, opened a drawer, took six iPhone 6 phones and headed out the front door.

His public defender said Matarieh lives with his mother and works in wireless sales for AT&T [… and] has a pending home invasion case in suburban Bridgeview [… and] has three felony convictions, including burglary and criminal damage to property.”

… and he’s a loser. In any event, he’ll be back at it within a few weeks time.


The Weekend Wrap-up

Posted on Monday, February 16th, 2015

dibsFor mid-February, it has been pretty damn cold. Single digit overnights and negative wind chills have helped slow the stupidity, but outside of reaching 0 degrees Kelvin, nothing will stop it. The week ahead looks even more brutal with record low temps being forecasted.

Final Stupidity Tally: 2 killed, 7 wounded
2014’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 2 wounded

Friday 2/13
6:30p 7100 S Vincennes Ave, Grand Crossing, M/23
11:55p 8700 S Holland Rd, Roseland, M/31 (story)
Saturday 2/14
12:30a 2700 W Cortland St, Logan Square, M/29
12:30a 1300 W 73rd St, Englewood, M/18 (story)
2:10p 6800 S Champlain Ave, Woodlawn, M/39
4:00p 5500 W Huron St, Austin, M/39
4:30p 8400 S Saginaw Ave, South Chicago, M/19
8:00p Walgreens shoplifting run goes bad
Sunday 2/15
3:15a 1400 W 71st St, Englewood, M/22 (story)
3:15a 1400 W 71st St, Englewood, M/24



St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

Posted on Saturday, February 14th, 2015

Bodies From St. Valentine's Day Massacre86 years ago today, one of the most infamous incidents in Chicago history took place, the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. A total of seven people were gunned down in a garage at 2122 N. Clark Street in Lincoln Park.

As of today, this month has already tallied 9 10 homicides, which is two three more than the massacre tallied. Last year we saw the equivalent of 65 St. Valentine’s Day Massacres but we doubt any of those homicides will become part of Chicago lore quite like the original.

Two other notable parallels to the present day are 1) no one was ever convicted for the crime and 2) the code of silence was alive and well back then too. Frank Gusenberg, who was the only one of the seven to survive the attack, told the cops “nobody shot me”. He died three hours later from 14 bullet wounds. Today he’d say “I ain’t seen nothin'” and be labeled as being ‘uncooperative’.



Posted on Wednesday, February 11th, 2015

Rahm, JRW and Jesse too! A few months back, allegations were made that the feel good story of the year, the Jackie Robinson West Little League Baseball World Series run, was a fraud. We found those allegations pretty compelling at the time because of the evidence put forward. However, we weren’t surprised when they didn’t really go anywhere.

Fast forward to today and word broke that, yep, they cheated by assembling a team of ringers:

“Little League officials said in December that they had reviewed the roster and found no residency violations. But citing “new information,” they met Tuesday in Williamsport, Pa., and decided that Jackie Robinson West knowingly used “a falsified boundary map” to include players who lived outside the team’s borders.

Little League’s decision means the national title now goes to the team from Las Vegas that Jackie Robinson West defeated in the U.S. championship game. The Jackie Robinson team also will have to vacate all wins from the 2014 Little League World Series tournament, including its Great Lakes regional title.

In addition to voiding all of the team’s wins, team manager Darold Butler has been suspended from Little League activity and Michael Kelly has been removed as administrator of Illinois District 4.”

And? Didn’t Rahm use the same sort of boundary residency map when he was running for mayor last time?

More here, plus the usual dog whistle excuse by the usual suspects here.


Two Degrees of Stupid

Posted on Saturday, February 7th, 2015

2degreesAfter recording 5,000 shootings and homicides, one tends to see patterns develop on who is going to get shot, when and by whom (if caught). Some Ivy League eggheads went ahead and published a study confirming common sense:

“If you and another person get arrested together in Chicago, you’re both part of a loose network of people with a high risk of getting shot in the future, Yale University researchers say in a newly published study.

Only 6 percent of the people in Chicago between 2006 and 2012 were listed on arrest reports as co-offenders in crimes, the study says. But those people became the victims of 70 percent of the nonfatal shootings in the city over the same period.”

Makes sense. So in other words, if you’re a maladjusted jagoff with coping issues who likes to hang out with other maladjusted jagoffs in a neighborhood that’s known for jagoffiness, chances are your loser ass is going to get shot.

However, G-Math says that the “Hug-A-Thug” program is paying dividends if only comparing two data points and ignoring all other factors:

“Police Supt. Garry McCarthy believes that list is helping his beat officers concentrate on those people most likely to become shooting victims — or to shoot someone else.

But what can’t be measured is the violence the list might have prevented, department officials say. They say the list is part of the reason murders and nonfatal shootings were down in 2014 compared to 2012, the year before the list was created.”

Sounds like some “jobs created or saved”, non-measurable, in the ether bullshit to us. The reason why murders and homicides are down in 2014 vs 2012 (while ignoring 2013) was that 5 weeks of summer-like weather from late February thru March of 2012 accounted for nearly all of that year’s increase. The rest of 2012 more or less mirrored any other year for the past 15 years.

In short, don’t be a jagoff.


Clout Bitches!!!

Posted on Wednesday, February 4th, 2015

Machine Alderman Ed BurkeBack when a certain party machine ran everything, those wards and precincts what were loyal to the machine could expect their streets and even alleys to be plowed the instant a snowflake hit. Those wards and precincts that didn’t deliver would have to wait.

Nowadays, pretty much everyone has to wait, unless you’re the Loop or one of the last remaining members of the old machine, then your street carries clout and lots of it:

“The stretch of West 51st Street is far from Chicago’s busiest road, carrying only two lanes of traffic and dead-ending before Pulaski and the CTA’s Orange Line tracks.

Still, the 3900 block of 51st got lots of attention from city snow-removal crews during and after last weekend’s intense winter storm.

You see, 51st is where you’ll find the 5,600-square-foot home of the City Council’s longest-serving and most-powerful member, Finance Committee Chairman Ed Burke, and his wife, Illinois Supreme Court Justice Anne Burke.

Hours after the last snowflake fell on the U.S. and Chicago flags flying in front of the Burke home, the block and the two one-way streets leading to and away from it were nearly as free of snow as they’ll be on the Fourth of July.

A couple of blocks away, the people spinning their wheels in deep snow still waited for the first plows to arrive.”

Sounds like the surrounding neighborhood needs to pad ol’ Ed’s pockets a bit more, then they’ll have their streets plowed.


January’s 30 (Update: 31)

Posted on Monday, February 2nd, 2015

dibsNew year, new month, same old bullshit. A couple cold snaps and a last minute blizzard didn’t do much to stop the stupidity this January – which saw a solid year-over-year uptick vs last year’s Polar Vortex-hobbled January.

Final Stupidity Tally: 30 31 killed, 121 wounded.
Last January’s Tally: 24 dead, 84 wounded.

A breakdown of the month’s idiocy shows:

  • 28 shot & killed
  • 1 2 stabbed
  • 1 child abuse
  • 3 ongoing “death investigations”
  • 19 in serious or critical condition
  • 8 grazed
  • 5 selfies
  • 29 males killed vs 1 2 females
  • 3 no hitters (days without stupidity)

As for the month ahead, February is always the slowest and quietest month of the year. We’ll predict a total of 25 (+/-3) homicides plus another 100 (+/-10) shot and wounded.


Super Bowl Weekend

Posted on Friday, January 30th, 2015

Super Bowl XX We’re going to take the weekend off, therefore no running Stupidity Tally this weekend.

However, we will leave you with our Super Bowl prediction: Patriots 24, Ditka 147.

Enjoy the snow. Enjoy the game.


Happy Anniversary

Posted on Monday, January 26th, 2015

2nd AnniversaryBack in 2012 during the Chick-fil-A kerfuffle, the infamous phrase regarding “Chicago values” was spoken. Around the same time, Chicago was making national headlines for the rising number of ventilated honor students. That’s when we came up with the idea of a dashboard based on the “Chicago values” of murder, crime and mayhem.

On January 25th, 2013, we went live with a site that contained just a handful of charts, no shooting statistics (just homicides), no commentary, and no Shot-In-The-Ass-O-Meter.

Since then we’ve recorded nearly 950 homicides and 5,000 people shot. We’ve posted over 350 pieces of poorly written commentary and have made thousands of hours worth of updates, edits and additions.

We’d like to thank everyone who has visited, commented, emailed, followed, linked and liked and helped us make this idea a very minor success.

– The HeyJackass Crew