The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, January 24th, 2015

The Triple FacepalmOur mild winter continues to mess with the stats. Last winter, record cold and snow received no credit from our betters who proclaimed “our strategies our working” and “weather has nothing to do with it”. So if weather has nothing to do with it, then those strategies are no longer working.

Stupidity Tally as of 9:00p: 3 killed, 23 wounded
2014′s weekend tally: 3 killed, 14 wounded

Friday 1/23
3:30p 6800 S Campbell Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/19
4:45p 7800 S Coles Ave, South Shore, M/18
5:25p 100 E 67th St, Grand Crossing, M/22
5:25p 1500 S Trumbull Ave, North Lawndale, M/35
6:15p 6800 S Western Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/18
6:20p 7900 S Vincennes Ave, Chatham, M/19
6:50p 5100 S Morgan St, New City, M/20
10:15p 7800 S Carpenter St, Auburn Gresham, M/17
10:20p 4500 S Hermitage Ave, New City, F/21
10:20p 4500 S Hermitage Ave, New City, F/20 !
10:20p 2900 S Dearborn St, Douglas, M/18 #
Saturday 1/24
2:00 AM 200 N Kenton Ave, Garfield Park, M/?
2:00a 100 N Aberdeen St, Near West Side, M/21
2:30a 4000 W Cortland St, Hermosa, M/23
5:30a 100 S Kostner, Garfield Park, M/27 !
6:05a 100 E Chicago Ave, Near North Side, M/34
12:25p 8600 S Ashland Ave, Auburn Gresham, M/?
1:45p 5000 S Throop St, New City, M/22
1:45p 5000 S Throop St, New City, M/53
6:55p 5500 W Huron St, Austin, M/24
9:35p 800 N Trumbull Ave, Humboldt Park, M/50
Sunday 1/25
7:30a 1600 S Hamlin Ave, North Lawndale, M/22
12:20p 7300 S Damen Ave, Englewood, M/16
12:50p 3500 W 24th St, Little Village, M/39
3:45p 300 S Springfield Ave, Garfield Park, M/15
7:40p 3550 S Rhodes Ave, Douglas, F/26

! #ShotInTheAss
# Selfie


Missed It By That Much

Posted on Thursday, January 22nd, 2015

Don Adams as Maxwell SmartOur betters were right, legal gun owners are going to shoot up the place by firing indiscriminately at textbook-toting honor student asking for bus fare to the library:

“An off-duty Cook County sheriff’s officer was robbed in an alley in the Lake View neighborhood on the North Side late Wednesday evening, police said.

The off-duty officer was in the 1900 block of West Belmont Avenue when two masked male offenders came up to him and announced a robbery around 11:30 p.m., said Chicago Police News Affairs Officer Hector Alfaro.

One of the offenders then fired his weapon, and the officer returned gunfire, Alfaro said. The two offenders fled with the officer’s cell phone and an unknown amount of money, Alfaro said.

The officers did not suffer gunshot wounds.”

Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound as if the honor students caught any lead like they did last year when a Cook County Sheriff was held up at a gas station on the south side.

In addition to this incident and the 12 people shot around town yesterday, the North Side experienced summer-like robbery idiocy. And it was only a Wednesday, in January. Summer should be fun!!

Update: This happened in a Soprano’s episode: Gunmen Likely Targeted Underground Poker Game; Vice Unit Opens Investigation

Update 2: There’s (grainy, VHS-like) video!


“It’ll be like the Wild West!!!”

Posted on Tuesday, January 20th, 2015

Standoff - The Office For years we were told by our betters that average Joes couldn’t carry a gun because “there will be blood in the streets!!” or “there will be shootouts over parking spots at the Walmart!!” and of course, Mayor Daley’s favorite, “it’ll be like the Wild West!!“.

The blood-soaked news broke last week:

“23,921 Cook County residents received permits to carry hidden firearms since the state began the licensing process in January 2014. Those permits represent about a fourth of the statewide total of almost 92,000 permits.”

Applying the standard political “1 gun = 100,000 dead/if it saves just one life” math, that should translate into 2/3rds of the population of Illinois (~7 million people) being gunned down with the remaining on life support.

At least it’ll be easier to find a parking spot downtown now.

Side note: we’ve recorded just a single incident thus far within Chicago where a CCW permit holder ventilated an honor student. On the hand, non-permit holding honor students continue to maim and kill one another with reckless abandon. There’s blood in the streets alright, it’s just not the right type to warrant much attention.


Comments are off for this post.

The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Friday, January 16th, 2015

3 StoogesA virtual heat wave will be rolling into town this weekend with forecasted highs pushing 40 degrees on Saturday – 20 degrees warmer than last year. The lack of puffy coats and snow cover may result in some additional stupidity (or not).

UPDATE: Last year, MLK Day was relatively quiet. If for whatever reason, today ends up being a total shitshow, we’ll extend the stats to reflect the stupidity.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 14 wounded
2014′s weekend tally: 4 killed, 13 wounded

Friday 1/16
6:30p 5700 S Peoria St, Englewood, M/PO # (story)
7:20p 5800 S Western Ave, Gage Park, M/17
7:25p 500 N Drake Ave, Humboldt Park, M/20 !
9:40p 6455 S Peoria St, Englewood, M/19
Saturday 1/17
2:50a 4800 S Princeton Ave, Fuller Park, M/16
3:40a 4500 W Lake St, Garfield Park, M/16 !
3:40a 4500 W Lake St, Garfield Park, F/17
3:40a 4500 W Lake St, Garfield Park, M/20
12:45p 1200 S Pulaski Rd, N. Lawndale, M/23
6:45p 8000 S Stewart Ave, Chatham, M/39
6:50p 9600 S Green St, Washington Heights, M/?
Sunday 1/18
5:15a 5600 S Wabash Ave, Washington Park, M/36
11:15a 2100 W Warren Blvd, Near West Side, M/22
12:25p 6900 S Dante Ave, South Shore, M/28
1:45p 2637 W 63rd St, Chicago Lawn, M/17 !
5:15p 5000 W Division St, Austin, M/15
7:45p 1453 E 66th Pl, Woodlawn, M/33 !
8:20p 800 S Albany Ave, Garfield Park, M/23

# Selfie (negligent discharge)
! #ShotInTheAss


Blind Spot Update

Posted on Wednesday, January 14th, 2015

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No EvilBack on Dec 20 with regard to Rahm’s son getting #CrimeIsDown’d, we suggested, “we wouldn’t be surprised if this strong-arm robbery gets downgraded to theft, lost property or just goes away completely.”

“Just goes away completely”, come on down! You’re the next contestant on #CrimeIsDown!

“Chicago Police questioned an 18-year-old man in connection with last month’s robbery of Mayor Emanuel’s son and released him Tuesday evening without charges, according to a police source.

Police spokesman Marty Maloney denied an arrest had occurred and did not answer other questions from RedEye. Representatives of the mayor did not return requests for comment.

When reached by RedEye, the 18-year-old’s mother confirmed police took her son into custody Monday to question him about a stolen iPhone. She said she didn’t know the questioning was related to the Emanuel case.”

Obviously, there could be nothing here and that’s why the honor student was released into the custody of the local library. However, our spidey-sense tells us they’d rather have this go away than risk any sort of criminal trial. After all, who knows what would come out during various hearings and proceedings.

Related: PRIVACY REQUESTED: Per Rahm, No Charges To Be Filed In Son’s Robbery


“F*cked up”

Posted on Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

Chicago Cab Shooting  - Chris Sweda, Chicago TribuneOnce again, the CPD does their job and disposes of another habitual loser and all around jagoff, yet he is still able to take the life of a hard working family man:

“A West Side man accused of killing a cab driver in North Lawndale last week admitted to an acquaintance that he messed up, prosecutors alleged Monday.

Tyrese Bell, 24, was riding in the cab when he pulled out a gun and shot the driver twice, according to prosecutors.

After the shooting, Bell went to an acquaintance’s house, where he hid the gun and told the acquaintance “he f—ed up,” prosecutors said.”"

Yep, you sure did Tyrese, you fucked up, again. The Cook County justice system fucked up again too, because Tyrese here shouldn’t be on the streets to begin with:

“Bell is on probation for a drug conviction after being sentenced to 18 months in prison in October 2014, court records show. He was credited with 280 days for time served at Cook County Jail and was under mandatory supervision for a year.

He was convicted of the same drug charge in 2010, 2011 and 2012, court records show. In 2008, he was sentenced to four years in prison for robbery.”

Who knew you could rack up yearly drug charges while on a four year stint in the clink. Unless…

Photo credit: Chris Sweda, Chicago Tribune


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, January 10th, 2015

dibsWhile bitter cold and snow may slow things down, it doesn’t stop the stupidity. As time has shown time and time again, local honor students will always find a way to beat, rob, maim and kill one another, regardless of temperature, precipitation, barometric pressure or moon phases.

Final Stupidity Tally: 1 killed, 5 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 1 killed, 6 wounded

Friday 1/9
7:00p 2100 W 35th St, Mckinley Park, M/25
10:15p 4000 W West End Ave, Garfield Park, M/21
10:40p 0 N Kostner Ave, Garfield Park, M/35
10:40p 0 N Kostner Ave, Garfield Park, M/31
Saturday 1/10
10:25p 600 E 75th St, Grand Crossing, M/15
Sunday 1/11
6:45p 4500 S Paulina St, New City, M/25



Comments are off for this post.

Late Expiration

Posted on Thursday, January 8th, 2015

Parking Meter - Time Expired
One of our minor pet peeves is how all the parties that count homicides and shootings do so differently. The CPD counts legally defined murders while not adding their own. The Cook County medical examiner tallies homicides leaving out anything police related as well. We simply count homicides, regardless of who killed who.

In any event, about once a year, we get a story like this:

“An 87-year-old South Side man shot in the abdomen in the 1940s finally succumbed to his wounds Sunday.

Tom Buchanan, of the 3200 block of South Wentworth, died Sunday of a gunshot wound he suffered some time in the 1940s, according to the Cook County medical examiner’s office.

The medical examiner’s office did not specify where Buchanan was when he was shot seven decades ago, but cited complications of intestinal obstruction and the gunshot wound as his primary causes of death, according to an autopsy. His death was recorded as a homicide.

Heart disease was a secondary factor in his death, the autopsy also found.”

We’re not doctors, we just play ones on WebMD, but our thinking is that if you can make it 70 years after getting shot, you’ve probably gotten over it.

Needless to say, this will not be included in our 2015 tally. It’s the date of the incident, not the date of passing.


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Wednesday, January 7th, 2015

Andre BrownHey Ladies! Our latest Honor Student of the Week is a 26 year old bachelor with a hot temper and measurable knife skills, please meet Andre Brown:

“A 26-year-old man fatally stabbed his mom Monday night because she was always putting him down and told him he needed to get a girlfriend, prosecutors said Wednesday.

Andre Brown was ordered held in lieu of $1 million bail Wednesday on first-degree murder charges in the death of his mother, 54-year-old Damita Collins.

Brown stabbed Collins in her chest and slashed her in her neck in their home in the 3500 block of West 77th Place in Ashburn, authorities said. Police found a bloody butcher knife in the kitchen, Assistant State’s Attorney Jamie Santini said.”

Sounds like Mom was sick and tired of supporting her loser son. Now the generous taxpayers of Illinois have opportunity to support this jagoff for the next 25 years to life.


Ban Blind Spots!

Posted on Monday, January 5th, 2015

Surveillance camera blind spotSorry, but we’re not buying this:

“Mayor Rahm Emanuel said Monday his 17-year-old son was on his cellphone with a college counselor when he was attacked from behind by two unarmed men on the Ravenswood street where the mayor lives.

Emanuel was tight-lipped about the Dec. 19 mugging, except to say that it unmasked “blind spots” in security on his block that the Chicago Police Department needs to address.”

Yeah, sure, ok. A JUNIOR in high school is chatting up his college counselor at 10pm on a Friday night… a couple of doors down from the second most heavily guarded residence in the city (Obama’s crib is #1)… the security cameras weren’t working… and his cell phone was wiped almost instantly.

Judging by the number of homicides and shootings last year (and for the last 50 years) the city would seem to be one gigantic blind spot. Therefore banning blind spots should solve the issue, just like banning guns solved… um… well… hmm… FOR THE CHILDREN!!!


Year In Review

Posted on Friday, January 2nd, 2015

Father TimeWith another year in the books, it’s time to lovingly look back at the year that was, 2014.

The year started off with Chicago gripped by the Polar Vortex. Brutal cold and record amounts off snow did more to keep the stupidity off the streets than $95MM in overtime could do in a year. “It’s Not The Weather” became the new #CrimeIsDown as the usual suspects attributed the drop in stupidity to “our strategies are working” and not to “it’s f*ckin’ cold out!”. Some morons even went so far as to contribute the drop to the new concealed carry law – only it didn’t take effect until March 1st and to this day there aren’t many CCW permits in Chicago’s worst neighborhoods.

As spring showed up, we partook in the LSD Standoff and witnessed a Blue Line train run up an escalator at O’Hare. Chicago Magazine’s bombshell article on crime stats hit the stands and as is always the case, the first warm weekend of the year was a total shitshow.

As summer heated up, so did the stupidity. Homicides were still way below 2013, but shootings were up and were adding up quickly, Then came the most epic shitshow of the year, 4th of July weekend, tallying over 80 people shot. August witnessed the murder of 9yo Antonio Smith with little accompanying outrage of his execution. The summer ended with 151 homicides and 850 others shot & wounded.

Fall saw an increasing number of homicides and shootings. By October, we blew past 2013′s total people shot count. Then came the Brown/Wilson grand jury decision and for a brief moment in time, people actually paid attention to Chicago’s dismal metrics. “No True Bill” was our most read post and contributed to our most heavily trafficked few days of the year.

In addition to Rahm’s kid getting his ass kicked, December tallied 42 homicides which helped exceed 2013′s homicide total by just 1. With some pending “death investigations” and late expirations, the final number will slowly rise throughout 2015 to 460-465.

Looking ahead, 2015 likely see another 450 homicides (+/-25) and another 2,600 total people shot (+/-100).

Thanks again to everyone who visited, commented, liked and followed last year. Have a safe, healthy and prosperous 2015.

UPDATE: We’ve added a few additional links to stories/events that we had forgotten about. We’ll make the switch to 2015 in the next couple of days. Final 2014 stats are going to hang around for a bit longer.


Happy New Year!

Posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

fireworksnavypier-624x416We’d like to thank everyone for making our 2014 a successful and fortuitous year. In addition to the over 1 million page views and nearly 700,000 visits, we added over 2,300 new Facebook fans and an additional 2,300 new Twitter followers.

We’ll have a complete 2014 breakdown in the next day or so, but until then, have a safe and prosperous new year.


They Said There’d Be No Math

Posted on Monday, December 29th, 2014

Math is hard“New Math” G-Mac held a presser today to inform the media that Chicago will end the year with the fewest murders since some excitable Potawatomi “yutes” beat and robbed Jean Baptiste Point du Sable of his wooden iPhone.

“Chicago is poised to have the lowest number of murders in years, but the city’s “gang culture” continues to be an obstacle to fighting crime in the city, Police Supt. Garry McCarthy said.

As of Dec. 20, Chicago Police counted 390 murders in 2014, compared with 406 the previous year and 488 through the same period in 2012.”

According to the city’s own data portal, there have been 400 murders through 12/21. The Cook County Medical Examiner has 432 through today and we now have 455.

Why the difference? The CPD tallies murders (crimes) which doesn’t include incidents involving their own, cases of self-defense and some other slights of hand. We and the ME count homicides (one person killing another). We also include police-involved homicides plus some of those infamous “death investigations”.

In short, all murders are homicides, but not all homicides are murders.


2014′s Final Weekend of Stupid

Posted on Saturday, December 27th, 2014

The above video sums up the final weekend of 2014 rather nicely (and the year as well).

Final Stupidity Tally: 6 killed, 21 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 21 wounded

Friday 12/26
2:00p 200 W Root St, Fuller Park, M/24
2:00p 200 W Root St, Fuller Park, M/24
2:50p 300 E 47th St, Grand Boulevard, M/23
4:25p 9000 S Houston Ave, South Chicago, M/23
8:35p 4900 W Arthington St, Austin, M/27
9:00p Honor Students Brawl at Navy Pier
10:00p 8000 S Muskegon Ave, South Chicago, M/16
10:00p 8000 S Muskegon Ave, South Chicago, M/17
10:10p 500 N Kedzie Ave, Humboldt Park, M/24
11:50p 7500 S Kimbark Ave, South Shore, F/18
Saturday 12/27
1:00a Honor Students Brawl at the Rock n’ Roll McDs
2:10a 7300 S Kenwood Ave, South Shore, M/23
3:30a 2800 W 23rd St, Little Village, M/24
5:00a 5700 N Campbell Ave, West Ridge, M/18
5:15a 5900 S California Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/40
6:00p Honor Students Brawl at Chicago Ridge Mall
8:35p 1500 E 73rd Pl, South Shore, M/25
11:55p 2 CPD coppers Injured in a Crash
Sunday 12/28
12:40a 4400 S Shields Ave, Fuller Park, M/22
12:40a 4400 S Shields Ave, Fuller Park, M/27
1:25a 1300 W Randolph St, Near W. Side, M/35
1:45a 1300 N Washburne Ave, Near W. Side, M/23
2:00a 11200 S Halsted St, Morgan Park, M/23
3:10a 100 E 51th St, Grand Boulevard, M/27
3:10a 100 E 51th St, Grand Boulevard, M/32
5:30a 900 N Lockwood Ave, Austin, M/34
1:00p 2200 E 73rd St, South Shore, M/23
3:40p 5100 S May St, New City, M/24
3:40p 5100 S May St, New City, M/29

3:40p 5100 S May St, New City, M/25
7:30p 9200 S Throop St, Washington Heights, F/56
10:15p Bonus fight at Navy Pier



Merry Christmas

Posted on Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

Cousin Eddie - Shitter's FullHave a safe, relaxing and enjoyable Christmas. We’ll be doing some sporadic updates here and there for the next couple of days until the final weekend of 2014. Open post until then.

Merry Christmas.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, December 20th, 2014

The whole #CrimeIsDown meme takes a serious hit when the mayor’s son gets beaten and robbed steps from his own home where at least two CPD cars are stationed 24/7. Therefore, we wouldn’t be surprised if this strong-arm robbery gets downgraded to theft, lost property or just goes away completely.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 29 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 5 killed, 17 wounded

Friday 12/19
12:45p 8900 S Exchange Ave, South Chicago, M/20
12:45p 8900 S Exchange Ave, South Chicago, M/36
2:20p 4700 W Monroe St, Austin, M/23
4:45p 11800 S Lowe Ave, West Pullman, M/22
4:45p 11800 S Lowe Ave, West Pullman, M/25
4:35p 3000 S Kedvale Ave, Little Village, M/19
5:05p 9500 S Halsted St, Washington Heights, M/30
5:10p 8200 S Saginaw Ave, South Chicago, M/24
6:25p 5700 S Sangamon Ave, Englewood, M/35
8:35p 5600 W Augusta Blvd, Austin, M/25
9:45p 3500 S Rhodes Ave, Douglas F/16 !
9:50p 5117 S May St, New City, M/17
9:50p Rahm’s son gets #CrimeIsDown’d
Saturday 12/20
1:00a 3600 W Shakespeare Ave, Logan Square, M/26
1:00a 7300 S Damen Ave, Englewood, M/33
1:15a 3100 W Warren Blvd, Garfield Park, M/23
1:15a 3100 W Warren Blvd, Garfield Park, M/28
5:05p 7300 S Chappel Ave, South Shore, M/53 #
9:05p 700 N Leclaire Ave, Austin, M/39
11:05p 2000 N Kilbourn Ave, Hermosa, M/20
Sunday 12/21
1:35a 6600 S Halsted St, Englewood, F/29
10:00a 100 E 120th St, West Pullman, M/17
11:20a 700 W 92nd Pl, Chatham, M/27
12:10p 3500 W Lexington St, Garfield Park, M/17
12:10p 3500 W Lexington St, Garfield Park, M/19
4:30p 4000 S Lake Park Ave, Oakland, F/14
5:40p 7200 S Hermitage, Englewood, M/44 (story)
5:55p 5200 W Washington Blvd, Austin, M/45
5:55p 5200 W Washington Blvd, Austin, M/8
9:00p 700 S Kenneth Ave, Garfield Park, M/34 !
9:40p 8000 S Manistee, South Chicago, M/24 (story)
9:45p 9200 S Jeffery Blvd, South Chicago, M/22 (story)
11:40p 2100 W 54th Pl, New City, F/?
Monday Overtime
2:00a 7628 S Cottage Grove, Grand Crossing, M/40

! #ShotInTheAss
# Negligent Discharge (Selfie)


“For The Children” Update

Posted on Friday, December 19th, 2014

Warning Revenue CameraAnyone with a firing neuron or two knows that red light (and speed) cameras are a simple way to extract much needed revenue from the serfs without having to technically raise taxes. Apparently it took a study to prove this fact:

“Emanuel has credited the cameras for a 47 percent reduction in dangerous right-angle, or “T-bone,” crashes. But the Tribune study, which accounted for declining accident rates in recent years as well as other confounding factors, found cameras reduced right-angle crashes that caused injuries by just 15 percent.

At the same time, the study calculated a corresponding 22 percent increase in rear-end crashes that caused injuries, illustrating a trade-off between the cameras’ costs and benefits.”

A reduction of 15% here coupled with a rise of 22% there means more of what is supposed to be prevented is happening, right?

“So the question now is: If we eliminate a certain type of collision and increase the other and overall it stays the same, is there an argument that it is fair to go with the program?”

Fair? Who gives a shit about fair. It’s always about the money, always:

“…350 red light cameras and raised more than $500 million in $100 tickets since 2002.”

Mo’ money! Mo’ money! Mo’ money!


(Un)Happy Wednesday

Posted on Thursday, December 18th, 2014

Happy WednesdayWednesdays are usually quiet when compared to the more shitshow prone days like Saturdays and Sundays. The average Wednesday this year has averaged less than two homicides and another 6 people shot. Layer on top the month of December, which is hardly known for its July-like stupidity, and yesterday was a multiple stupidity sigma event.

By the stoke of midnight, a total of 17 people found themselves with at least one additional hole amongst their person – record for Wednesday for 2014. Four of the 16 were killed:

1:15a 5900 S Fairfield Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/17
1:15a 1200 S Western Ave, Near W. Side, M35

3:30a 100 E Garfield Blvd, Washington Park, F/38
1:10p 10500 S Aberdeen St, Washington Heights, M/17
2:20p 2100 E 79th St, South Shore, M/20
2:20p 2100 E 79th St, South Shore, M/20
4:30p 8900 S Exchange Ave, South Chicago, M/15
4:45p 200 S Karlov Ave, Garfield Park, M/21
7:15p 0 S Kostner Ave, Garfield Park, M/20
7:15p 0 S Kostner Ave, Garfield Park, M/31
7:45p 7100 S Ingleside Ave, Grand Crossing, F/47
9:55p 5100 S Ada St, New City, F/19 !
9:55p 5100 S Ada St, New City, M/24
10:00p 5615 W Madison St, Austin, M/57 !
10:20p 4000 N Pulaski Rd, Irving Park, M/22
11:00p 4700 W Van Buren St, Austin, M/29 !
11:45p 7608 S Colfax Ave, South Shore, M/22

As an added bonus, we eclipsed 2,500 people shot for the year yesterday as well.

! #ShotInTheAss


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Wednesday, December 17th, 2014

Chicago Police BadgeIn what may be a first, this week’s Honor Student is a Chicago cop who allegedly likes to get her drink on and enjoys brisk walks through parking lots. Please meet, police officer Katrina Grey:

“According to police reports, on Oct. 18, Costco security saw a customer at its store at 1430 S. Ashland Ave. take a bottle of wine off the shelf and place it in her shopping cart. She then moved to the back of the store, where security saw her place the bottle in her purse.

The customer then walked past the cashiers and out of the store without paying and was stopped.

It turned out the customer was off-duty police officer, Katrina Grey, 42, assigned to the organized crime division.”

D’oh! We’re familiar with POs getting a courtesy friends and family discount from time to time, but we’re thinking 100% off is a bit much.

“Police reports indicate that after Grey was caught she ran through the Costco parking lot chased by store officials until she was caught and taken into custody just down the street.”

Shoplifting plus a bonus foot pursuit. If only we had the scanner traffic from that one.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, December 13th, 2014

Drunk SantaIt was TBOX weekend which can only mean one thing – suburban Bros and local Chads invaded Lake View and made complete and total asses of themselves. Elsewhere around town the usual stupidity was in high gear with mild (“It’s Not The Weather”) temps helping provide ample opportunities for hi-speed lead poisoning.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 32 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 4 killed, 17 wounded

Friday 12/12
12:20p 4100 W Gladys Ave, Garfield Park, M/36
12:40p 1100 S Francisco Ave, North Lawndale, M/15
5:00p 10400 S State St, Roseland M/26
6:35p 7100 S California Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/? #
7:00p 1300 N Springfield Ave, Humboldt Park, M/28
10:00p 1800 S Blue Island, Lower W. Side, M/21
10:00p 3900 S Wells St, Fuller Park, M/20
10:00p 3900 S Wells St, Fuller Park, M/27
10:10p 1200 S Keeler Ave, North Lawndale, M/19
10:30p 1702 W 47th St, New City, M/32
10:30p 1702 W 47th St, New City, M/27
Saturday 12/13
12:25a 1800 S Kildare Ave, North Lawndale, M/24
1:15a 3000 W Flournoy St, Garfield Park, M/24
1:15a 3000 W Flournoy St, Garfield Park, M/29
1:25a 500 N Springfield Ave, Humboldt Park, M/17
1:25a 500 N Springfield Ave, Humboldt Park, M/20
6:35a 400 E 87th St, Chatham, M/?
12:40p 0 W 63rd St, Englewood, M/15 (story)
1:10p 2900 W Jackson Blvd, Garfield Park, M/18
1:50p 7900 S Manistee Ave, South Chicago, M/29
2:25p 400 S Kostner, Garfield Park, F/34
3:00p 900 N Karlov Ave, Humboldt Park, M/24
8:00p 1200 S Kedzie Ave, North Lawndale, M/29
8:20p 100 S Kilbourne Ave, Garfield Park, M/32
11:15p 3300 W Polk St, Garfield Park, M/21
11:15p 3300 W Polk St, Garfield Park, M/21
11:15p 3300 W Polk St, Garfield Park, M/19
Sunday 12/14
12:40a I290/Laramie Ave, Austin, M/?
12:45a 2300 N Sacramento Ave, Logan Square, M/23
12:45a 2300 N Sacramento Ave, Logan Square, M/23
1:10a 3000 N Milwaukee Ave, Avondale, M/40
1:00p 2700 W Flournoy St, Garfield Park, M/18
2:00p 11100 S Vernon Ave, Roseland, M/36
9:15p 7541 S Dorchester Ave, South Shore, M/21
11:15p 1600 W 81st St, Auburn Gresham, M/33 !

! #ShotInTheAss
# Negligent Discharge, aka “Selfie”


Friday Humor

Posted on Friday, December 12th, 2014

Until the usual weekend stupidity kicks into high gear, here’s some humor with a catchy beat. Enjoy.

Full size, etc… over at YouTube.

1 Comment

To The FauxOutrageMobile!

Posted on Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

In the latest attempt to stir up trouble, the above video has been making the rounds as the latest piece of evidence that all cops are racists or something:

“A video apparently showing a Chicago police car blasting the song “Sweet Home Alabama” during a recent protest against police violence has sparked a CPD investigation.

Gabriel Michael, a Humboldt Park resident, said he was at the West Side protest Saturday to take photos, but started capturing video once he heard the song coming from what appears to be an unmarked car in the police escort following the marchers.

“Some of the lyrics in themselves aren’t racist… but I know it’s also been co-opted by groups, maybe bigoted groups, as an anthem of Southern pride and those Confederate-type values,” said Michael, 30. “That’s what was so jarring to me. To hear that playing from a police car at the end of a protest against police brutality and the murder of African-Americans, it was just jarring.”

Get over it Gabe. How about focusing some of that “outrage” towards any of the statistics shown on this site. We will end the year with 2,500 people shot and 440 dead, but the faux outrage of the moment is a 40yr old song that shares a title with a Hollywood movie.

UPDATE: This reminds us of this story from last year.

UPDATE 2: Offensive song playing cop clearance rate is now 100%, phew…: Chicago Police officer disciplined after playing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ during protest.

PS – Word is, most, if not all unmarked cars do NOT have PA systems. Go figure.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Sunday, December 7th, 2014

3 StoogesAn interesting juxtaposition was in play this weekend – while Fr. Phleger and various others were protesting police brutality and staging die-ins around town, the CPD along with their DEA cohorts managed to ventilate four, killing one. That’s in addition to the honor students killing and maiming one another per usual.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 25 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 3 killed, 13 wounded

Friday 12/5
4:45p 10600 S Avenue M, East Side, M/26
4:45p 10600 S Avenue M, East Side, M/23
6:45p 7400 S Kimbark Ave, South Shore, M/17
7:20p 300 S Kildare Ave, Garfield Park, M/25
7:25p 400 E 71st St, Grand Crossing, M/26
7:50p 1200 W Albion Ave, Rogers Park, M/23
9:15p 11045 S Wentworth, Roseland, M/29
Saturday 12/6
5:20a 6700 S East End Ave, South Shore, M/30
11:35a 2200 W Adams St, Near W. Side, M/9
2:10p 2500 W 63rd St, Chicago Lawn, M/19
4:00p 6900 S Prairie Ave, Grand Crossing, M/28 !
6:15p 1500 E 66th Pl, Woodlawn, M/52
7:50p 757 N Kedzie Ave, Humboldt Park, M/31 !
9:40p 9600 S Sangamon St, Washington Heights, M/22
10:35p 7200 S Lowe Ave, Englewood, M/45
10:50p 4700 S Ada St, New City, M/22 (story)
Sunday 12/7
12:45a 5900 S Elizabeth St, Englewood, M/25
12:50a 100 N Leclaire Ave, Austin, F/22
4:30a 7500 S Union Ave, Englewood, M/29
12:45p 5600 S Halsted St, Englewood, M/23 !
12:50p 8200 S Kedzie Ave, Ashburn, M/?
12:50p 8200 S Kedzie Ave, Ashburn, M/? (story)
6:30p 3300 W 111th St, Mt. Greenwood, M/45
6:30p 3300 W 111th St, Mt. Greenwood, M/? (story)
7:35p 2900 W Harrison St, Garfield Park, M/22
7:35p 2900 W Harrison St, Garfield Park, F/29
9:10p 2800 W 53rd St, Gage Park, M/33
11:00p 5800 S Sangamon Ave, Englewood, M/17

! #ShotInTheAss


When Everything is a Crime

Posted on Friday, December 5th, 2014

Warning Revenue CameraProtesters were shutting down city streets last night, including Lake Shore Drive, but in our opinion, these protests are aimed at the wrong issue. While the media and certain personalities love to pour gasoline on the race issue, the bigger issue is the criminality of everything.

Eric Garner was selling “loosies”, much like a lot of people do, especially here in Chicago. Why? Because with local cigarette taxes pushing $8/pack, a thriving and profitable black market has been created to fill the void of cheap smokes.

Mildly retarded politicians (oops, that’s probably a felony) say that these sorts of taxes, fines and fees are “for the children” (red light & speed cameras) or are in the “best interest of public health” (sin taxes). In reality they are there to feed broke governments with much needed revenue and you can’t have some dude on a street corner skimming off the top.

It’s ironic that on the anniversary of the repeal of one of the worst laws ever, Prohibition, that it has been replaced by 10s of thousands of smaller, worse laws that are having the same consequences. Or should we say unintended consequences?

PS – Those of you joining the protests, you are likely being “Stingray”-ed, but not to worry, it’s for your own good and for the children of course.


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2014

Latasha SmithThis week’s honor student hails from West Garfield Park, where she enjoys kidnapping, armed robbery and trolling online dating sites for victims. Meet Latasha Smith:

“Latasha Smith, 28, allegedly used the online dating site Badoo to meet up with a 28-year-old Woodlawn man late last month, according to Assistant State’s Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

[...] Smith and an unknown accomplice abducted the man as he was working near 15th Street and Keeler Avenue, Scaduto said. The man allegedly was hit in his head with a gun, tied up with duct tape and blindfolded.

Smith stole $600, keys and an iPhone, according to a police report.”

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s more…

“Smith then made her way to the victim’s home in Woodlawn, where she and unknown accomplices held up the victim’s mother at gunpoint, Scaduto said. Smith stole $6,000 from the victim’s mom, who had been saving up for a new apartment, according to prosecutors.

The group also took a .40-caliber Smith and Wesson handgun, plus two magazines, a police report shows.”

Looks as if Latasha is going to have to update her online dating profile to include various felonies and make it known that she’s not a cheap date.


Thanksgiving Stupidity

Posted on Friday, November 28th, 2014

3 Stooges ThanksgivingThanksgiving is a time for family, friends and food but it’s also a time for booze-infused domestics, shopping idiocy and of course, run of the mill Chicagoland stupidity.

Final Stupidity Tally: 5 killed, 23 wounded
Last year’s Thanksgiving weekend: 4 killed, 12 wounded

Wednesday 11/26
3:00p 3600 W 16th St, N Lawndale, M/34
4:00p 1500 S Kolin Ave, N Lawndale, M/16
5:10p 5000 S Halsted St, New City, M/19
5:10p 5000 S Halsted St, New City, M/20
6:30p 1300 N Keeler Ave Humboldt Park, M/48
9:20p 1500 W Devon Ave Rogers Park, M/26
11:10a 5700 S Sangamon St, Englewood, M/36
2:00p 7000 S East End Ave, South Shore, M/20 !
4:35p 5000 W Division St, Austin, M/23
6:05p 500 E Bowen Ave, Grand Boulevard, M/24
9:40p 4100 W Wilcox St, Garfield Park, M/50
Friday 11/28
10:20a 8500 S Carpenter St, Auburn Gresham, M/18 !
3:30p 3100 W 64th Pl, Chicago Lawn, M/15
3:30p 3100 W 64th Pl, Chicago Lawn, M/14
3:30p 3100 W 64th Pl, Chicago Lawn, M/16
3:30p 5500 W Madison St, Austin, M/21
7:35p 9000 S Laflin St, Washington Heights, M/19
8:30p 55 E Grand Ave, Near North Side, F/22 story
11:00p 2500 S Central Park Ave, Little Village, M/18
Saturday 11/29
1:10a 1141 W 71st St, Auburn Gresham, M/28
12:40p 1600 N Monticello, Humboldt Park, M/17 story
6:45p 3200 W Maypole Ave, Garfield Park, M/33
6:45p 1000 W 103rd Pl, Washington Heights, M/21
Sunday 11/30
2:50a 700 W Grand Ave West Town, M/27 story
3:40a 4200 W Cermak Rd North Lawndale, M/28
1:45p 8900 S Cottage Grove, Chatham, M/52
3:10p 7200 S Vincennes Ave, Grand Crossing, M/22
10:30p 5700 S Winchester Ave, Englewood, M/18

! #ShotInTheAss
Thanksgiving weekend runs from Wednesday afternoon through 6a Monday.


No True Bill

Posted on Monday, November 24th, 2014

Nothing to See Here Folks... Naked GunWhile the events down in Ferguson play out, back in Chicagoland the same old bullshit continues day in and day out with nary a peep. In the 107 days since officer Darren Wilson shot and killed 18 year old Michael Brown – 12:03pm, Saturday, August 9th – the following stupidity has taken place in Chicago:

Brutal, yet incredibly asinine and absurd to say the least.

So what is it about these stats that hasn’t caused people to lose their collective shit?

After all, there have been plenty of opportunities to march, chant, throw shit, break stuff, come up with a hashtag, etc… in the past few months, not only in Chicago, but all over the nation. So where is the national media? The cable news talking heads? The race pimpin’ super duo of Jesse and Al? The professional agitators and social justice warriors? The exploiting politicians? Almost 900 shootings and homicides in the past three months and not one is worthy of their attention.

Someone from ‘round these parts once said “never let a crisis go to waste”. Apparently these stats aren’t crisis-y enough.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, November 22nd, 2014

3 StoogesWe had planned on foregoing our usual Stupidity Tracker in lieu of an expected Ferguson grand jury decision and related drum circles/college application parties that are sure to come with it. Since no such decision came down, the bullshit was typical for this time of year – slow(er) and steady.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 15 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 14 wounded

Friday 11/21
9:05p 5200 S Cornell Ave, Hyde Park, M/24
11:30p 200 N Mason Ave, Austin, M/24

Saturday 11/22
2:50a 8000 S Fairfield Ave, Ashburn, M/23
2:50a 8000 S Fairfield Ave, Ashburn, M/23
2:15a Somewhere not in Lakeview, M/?
3:00a 3100 E 82nd St, South Chicago, M/33
3:15a 10400 S Avenue J, East Side, M/35
3:50a I57/99th St, Washington Heights, M/27
11:25a 6900 S Artesian Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/15
11:25a 6900 S Artesian Ave, Chicago Lawn, F/15 !
1:20p 6900 S Justine St, Englewood, F/26
1:20p 6900 S Justine St,Englewood, F/58
8:00p 1200 S Independence, N. Lawndale, M/16
Sunday 11/23
1:00a Streeterville Hotel Swan Dive
5:30a 2900 W 25th St, Little Village, M/18
2:30p 13100 S Corliss Ave, Riverdale, M/28
5:00p 300 E 53rd St, Washington Park, M/15
6:55p Washington Park building collapse
Monday Overtime
12:35a 2900 E 83rd St, South Chicago, M/41
4:35a 5900 S Michigan Ave, Washington Park, M/27

! #ShotInTheAss


Guessing Game

Posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2014

CarnacAs all eyes are focused on the Ferguson grand jury announcement, Chicago’s honor students keep on shooting and killing one another and no one gives a shit. Since there is not a politically exploitable killer/victim combination at play here, it’ll be simply be ignored.

Anyway, while we wait for the decision and the likely ensuing shitshow (in the name of justice of course), what are your predictions dear reader? No indictment and riots or an indictment with drum circles, peace and love? “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” or “Pants Up, Don’t Loot”? Will local honor students ‘shoot’ for some extra credit? The CPD certainly thinks they will do so.

What say you?

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who has commented thus far. We’re going to keep this post open until the decision is announced and the drum circles take shape. Unless there’s a major non-Ferguson related shitshow, there will be no Stupidity Tracker this weekend.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Sunday, November 16th, 2014

3 StoogesDamn it! We had planned on taking the weekend off and not doing our usual Stupidity Tally tracking… but… after a 48 hour run of no shootings or homicides, various assholes and jagoffs made up for lost time on Saturday and into Sunday.

Final Stupidity Tally: 5 killed, 16 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 1 killed, 18 wounded

Friday 11/14
A No Hitter! First since 5/23.
Saturday 11/15
2:15p 700 N Hamlin Ave, Humboldt Park, M/22
6:00p 6600 S Marshfield Ave, Englewood, M/44
6:50p 3700 W Potomac Ave, Humboldt Park, F/33
9:00p Santa sets a car on fire
9:30p CPD shots fired, missed, PO hurt
9:55p 5700 S Marshfield Ave, Englewood, M/14
9:55p 5700 S Marshfield Ave, Englewood, M/16
10:45p 7300 S Stony Island Ave, South Shore, M/17
11:50p 3900 W Armitage Ave, Hermosa, M/18
Sunday 11/16
12:10a 5900 S Lafayette Ave, Washington Park, M/21
12:20a 7600 S Union Ave Auburn Gresham, M/24
1:00a 3600 W North Ave, Humboldt Park, M/16
2:15a 7600 S Dobson Ave Grand Crossing, F/18
2:30a 3600 W 56th St, West Elsdon, M/24
3:15a 800 S Oakley Blvd, Near W. Side, M/24
3:15a 800 S Oakley Blvd, Near W. Side, M/33
3:15a 800 S Oakley Blvd, Near W. Side, M/26
3:15a 400 W Evergreen Ave, Near North Side, M/27
4:25a 1700 W 47th St, New City, M/17
4:25a 1700 W 47th St, New City, M/20
4:30a 7400 S Greenwood Ave, Grand Crossing, M/23
3:30p 7100 S Carpenter St, Englewood, M/15
5:00p 11700 S Racine Ave, West Pullman, M/30

! #ShotInTheAss


Chicago’s Real-Life ‘Nightcrawler’

Posted on Friday, November 14th, 2014

Chicago's Real Life NightcrawlerFriend of the site, SpotNews, is the subject of an excellent write-up over at the Daily Beast:

“While Jake Gyllenhall’s character in Nightcrawler rides the line between reporting and crime, a Chicago photographer takes his work to the next level, sometimes angering friends and family of the victims he finds. Chicago’s foremost crime reporter is a ghost. A nameless, faceless entity known to his followers as Spot News, the handle of his Twitter and Instagram accounts. At crime scenes in Chicago over a busy Fourth of July weekend, several people asked if I was him. “I’m a big fan,” one woman told me.”

As they say, read the whole thing and if you’re not already be sure to follow SpotNews on Twitter and Instagram. While you’re at it, be sure to follow @Chicago_Scanner, @PeterNickeas, @EricTendian and @chrissmith for all your crime, murder and mayhem stupidity.


Wicker Park Stroller Gang

Posted on Thursday, November 13th, 2014

There’s a lot of stupidity that takes place on a daily basis within the cozy confines of Chicago’s city limits. However, for whatever reason, this “Stroller Gang” story made the rounds as if it was the “Crime of the Century” (in HD):

“Surveillance video captured a group of “brazen” thieves stealing tip jar money and a $700 bike from a Wicker Park pizzeria over the weekend.

The footage shows a group of three young men and two young women with a baby in a stroller entering the pizzeria at 1252 N. Damen Ave. just before noon Saturday.

After ordering one slice of pizza, one woman grabs $10 out of the tip jar when the cashier’s back is turned.”

Who the hell cares? This shit happens all day, every day, all over the city. But wait… it gets even stupider:

“After leaving the restaurant, a young boy scaled a 10-foot high, locked fence to nab cook Aaron Johnson’s $700 bicycle from an area next to the building.”

And to bring it all home:

“This is my sixth bike that’s been stolen in the city,” he said.

Good lord. Buy a fucking lock. This isn’t news, it’s downright idiocy by all parties involved.


Another Cop Shot

Posted on Wednesday, November 12th, 2014

Chicago Police BadgeIt’s been a rough month or so for the CPD, a total of 6 officers have been shot – 2 on-duty, 3 off-duty and 1 selfie. Last night the 6th of the 6 was shot in a domestic incident:

“An off-duty Chicago police officer was in critical but stable condition Wednesday morning after she and her daughter were shot at the daughter’s South Side home, authorities said.

The officer, who works in the narcotics unit, was with her daughter and grandchild when they encountered the child’s father at the home in the 2200 block of East 68th Street around 10 p.m. Tuesday, sources said.

The father opened fire and shot the officer, wounding her in the face, neck and both arms, police said. The officer’s daughter was hit in the thigh, police said. The father fled with the child in a black Impala with tinted windows, according to police.

He was later located near the Cabrini-Green housing development and arrested, sources said. A gun was recovered, one source said.”

Not good. Not good at all. Hopefully she’ll pull through.


Happy Veterans Day

Posted on Tuesday, November 11th, 2014

us-flag“It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.” – George S. Patton.

In other news, apparently Chicago is a lousy place for vets to call home:

“With more than 20 million military veterans living in the U.S., according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, where are some of the best places for them to live? A new study shows it isn’t Chicago.

The study, from WalletHub, looked at 19 different metrics to rank the 100 most populated cities. To come up with the rankings, WalletHub looked at things such as the percentage of military skill-related jobs, veteran unemployment rate, number of VA facilities per veteran population and veteran population.

Taking all of the data into account, Chicago only finished ahead of Newark, N.J. In the economic wellness category, Chicago came in 95th and was slightly better in the “Environment, Education & Health” category (91st).”

In your face Newark! You suck!


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Friday, November 7th, 2014

3 StoogesAhead of the return of Officer P. Vortex next week, it’s likely that the honor students will attempt to get their shots in before she arrives and she makes it too difficult to earn extra credit.

Final Stupidity Tally: 7 killed, 14 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 0 killed, 11 wounded

Friday 11/7
12:15p 3700 W Ohio St, Humboldt Park, M/27
2:25p 8400 S Exchange Ave, South Chicago, M/18
7:45p 1800 E 95th St, South Deering, M/25
9:15p 7100 S Ada St, Englewood, M/18
9:55p 6500 N Seeley Ave, West Ridge, M/3 (story)
10:45p 10400 S Bensley Ave, South Deering, M/15
Saturday 11/8
1:40a 2400 S Washtenaw, Little Village, M/25 !
3:00a 5800 S Ada St, Englewood, M/19
5:50a 4900 W Fulton St, Austin, M/40
10:20a 5600 S Ashland Ave, Englewood, M/17
2:00p 10022 S Halsted St, Washington Heights, M/?
5:10p 800 E 87th Pl, Chatham, M/18
7:30p 1600 N Tripp Ave, Humboldt Park, M/21
10:55p 400 N Laramie Ave, Austin, M/19 !
11:45p 800 N Latrobe Ave, Austin, M/28
Sunday 11/9
2:20a 800 N Orleans St, Near North Side, M/29
4:30a 12200 S Halsted St, West Pullman, M/33
4:30a 1600 N Elston Ave, West Town, M/23
2:20p 2800 N Lotus, Belmont-Cragin, M/44 (story)
Bears slaughtered by the Packers
Monday Overtime
12:15a 2100 N Merrimac, Belmont-Cragin, M/26 (story)
12:25a 5400 N East River Rd, O’Hare, M/31 (story)

! #ShotInTheAss


Honor Student of the Week

Posted on Thursday, November 6th, 2014

Lil Durk - A rapper or somethingThis week’s award goes to someone special, Lil Durk, who claims to be a rapper or something.

“Chicago rapper Lil Durk is due in court Thursday charged with weapons violations, just months after pleading guilty to gun charges and vowing never to appear in a courtroom again.

Lil Durk, 22, whose real name is Durk Banks, was arrested after Chicago gang officers went to a home in Orland Hills about 5 a.m. Wednesday while investigating a homicide, according to the arrest report.

A woman who answered the door let them in, and the officers saw Banks standing in the living room near a kitchen island where there were two guns in plain sight, the report said.

“I got those pipes (guns) ’cause (expletive) always be tryin’ to take my bands (money),” Banks said, according to the police report.

Police seized a Glock .45-caliber handgun with a magazine and 11 live rounds and a Springfield .45-caliber handgun with a magazine and 13 live rounds, the police report said. It was not clear if there were rounds in the chambers of the guns.”

Given Durk’s prior convictions for the same crap, he’ll be back on the streets and cutting shitty mix tapes in no time.


The Day After

Posted on Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

Train WreckNationally, the Ds got their ass handed to them last night. Locally, the big news is Rauner beat Quinn, 51-46, which is good enough to exceed the usual amount of Chicagoland fraud. At least Quinn can say he didn’t leave in cuffs headed to a federal prison, yet.

Illinois is a mess and maybe Bruce can help turn things around, but…

“Even before Bruce Rauner declared victory in the race for governor Tuesday night, he understood the most important thing: He’ll have to deal with the little guy who runs things.

Boss Madigan.

He’s controlled Illinois for decade after decade after decade. House Speaker Michael J. Madigan is chairman of the Illinois Democratic Party, meaning that the all that national and local political money flows through him.”

When 41 out of 118 State House seats ran uncontested Democrats, it’s no wonder why Madigan has the majority he does.

Next up, the mayoral circus in February.

1 Comment

Voter Guide

Posted on Monday, November 3rd, 2014

Stantis-Madigan-Rex-1005-e1412562593844Since no candidate bothered to pay us under the table for our coveted endorsement, we’re gonna make it easy:

  • vote against the incumbent
  • vote NO for all judges
  • write-in “Bill Thompson” for the unopposed not an option apparently
  • vote NO on the proposed “assault weapons” ban

Beyond those pointers, it’s likely that your vote will be cancelled out by some vote fraud elsewhere. Therefore, be sure to vote a few times just in case.

UPDATE: 22 uncontested races where the only choice was to vote for the entrenched Democrat, no write-in offered.


Halloween Stupidity

Posted on Friday, October 31st, 2014

decide-whether-sluttyHoliday weekends in Chicago seem to bring out the best in people, and by best we mean worst, and by worst we mean your typical booze/pot-infused stupidity and by people we mean honor students. At least the weather will be shittier than last weekend.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 15 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 5 killed, 12 wounded

Friday 10/31
7:00P 1905 W 64th St, Englewood, M/19
7:10p 5200 W Madison St, Austin, M/45 (story)
7:20p 9100 S Green St, Washington Heights, M/18
Saturday 11/1
2:15a 5900 W Walton St, Austin, F/37
4:40a 3500 W Diversey Ave, Avondale, M/19
7:00p 6700 S Morgan St, Englewood, M/18
7:00p 6700 S Morgan St, Englewood, M/19
8:00p 1200 S Albany Ave, North Lawndale, M/23
8:15p 5800 S Morgan St, Englewood, M/33 (story)
Sunday 11/2
12:30a 3300 W Beach Ave, Humboldt Park, M/21
4:45a 1500 W 72nd Pl, Englewood, M/29
9:30a 11800 S Eggleston Ave, West Pullman, M/17 !
9:30a 11800 S Eggleston Ave, West Pullman, M/19 !
2:20p 1400 W 72nd Pl, Englewood, M/21
4:20p 7000 S Harper Ave, South Shore, M/24 !
4:25p 5600 W LeMoyne St, Austin, M/16
Monday Overtime
12:10a 1200 W Randolph St, Near W. Side, M/28
12:20a 3000 E Cheltenham Pl, South Shore, M/46
5:10a 1600 N Hamlin Ave, Humboldt Park, M/18

! #ShotInTheAss


Transparency, Or Lack Thereof

Posted on Thursday, October 30th, 2014

liarWe’re of the opinion that we are being lied to, everyday, about pretty much everything. Today was no different. First we have G-Mac yammering in front the city’s most frequent and often worst liars, the City Council:

“According to McCarthy, through September the Police Department had recorded eight straight quarters of reductions in murders, going back two years. Over that time, the department registered 500 fewer shooting incidents and 123 fewer murders than in the two years preceding.

McCarthy added that robberies, burglaries, car thefts and overall crime are all down this year.”

Homicides are down, but we’ll take issue with “shooting incidents”. There may be fewer “incidents” but there’s been a lot more people shot as in there’s been a shitton of multi-victim shootings. Also remember that there is no crime unless it’s reported, hence less cops = less crime.

Next up is the unfortunate incident of an off-duty cop getting beaten in a downtown parking garage:

“The off-duty officer was in the 100 block of West Madison about 3 p.m. when multiple people walked up, repeatedly hit him and then stole his personal belongings, police said.

Police declined to say how the robbers fled the scene.”

So little information for the masses, yet the scanner traffic was a goldmine in comparison. Why not say that the offenders fled in a red Mercury Mountaineer with temporary Indiana plates that happened to leave its front bumper behind? Or why not mention how those personal belongings included some rather important police ‘stuff’?

UPDATE: The Tribune published the full story. Good.


No Tagbacks

Posted on Tuesday, October 28th, 2014

Either someone got the jump on David here, or he didn’t play enough Call of Duty:

“Officers responded about 9:30 p.m. to a call of shots fired in the 2100 block of West 18th Place and found David Morgan, 36, lying in the street with a gunshot wound to the head, according to police and the Cook County medical examiner’s office.

According to a police report, Morgan was caught on video holding a handgun and standing between two vehicles, waiting for one to pass by, when someone in the vehicle shot him in the head.”


“Morgan fell to the ground, and someone came up to him, retrieved his handgun and fired at the shooter’s vehicle numerous times, according to the report. The person then tried to drag Morgan onto the curb, then ran off camera.

There are no cooperating witnesses to the shooting, which is thought to be gang-related, according to the report. A police source said Morgan had documented gang ties.”

What? That’s unheard of! Uncooperative gangbangers? Where? Someone better tell Bobby Rush about this “gang” thing. They supposedly don’t exist. Now where’s that gun… it needs some blamin’.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, October 25th, 2014

3 StoogesLike we said, by all indications, we’d be in for a doozy of a weekend. Some Indian Summer perfection resulted in a massive amount of booze/pot-infused stupidity nearly tripling last year’s count.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 35 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 2 killed, 14 wounded

Friday 10/24
8:40p 4800 S Hermitage Ave, New City, M/16
9:35p 7300 S Dante Ave, South Shore, F/14
9:35p 7300 S Dante Ave, South Shore, F/15
10:00p 5500 W Corcoran Pl, Austin, M/23
10:00p 5500 W Corcoran Pl, Austin, M/24
10:35p Dan Ryan/71st St, Grand Crossing, M/?
11:30p 5300 S Hoyne Ave, New City, M/39
11:40p 7000 S Wolcott Ave, Englewood, M/32
11:55p 1300 N Laramie Ave, Austin, M/23
Saturday 10/25
2:45a 4000 W 51st St, Archer Heights, M/34
3:00a 2400 W Lexington St, Near W. Side, M/31
3:15a 6400 S Washtenaw Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/?
5:00a 12200 S Halsted St, West Pullman, M/24
11:00a 7200 S Campbell Ave, Chicago Lawn, M/13
5:30p 6700 S Sangamon St, Englewood, M/?
6:45p 0 E 101st Pl, Roseland, M/16
7:00p 2700 E 81st St, South Chicago, M/22
7:45p 700 W Marquette Rd, Englewood, M/17
9:00p 6500 S Pulaski Rd, West Lawn, M/23
9:05p 200 N Keystone Ave, Garfield Park, M/15
9:45p 4300 S Berkeley Ave, Kenwood, M/16
Sunday 10/26
12:20a 2300 W Jackson Blvd, Near W. Side, M/25
3:05a 1300 W Washburne Ave, Near W. Side, M/26
3:20a 11900 S Eggleston Ave, West Pullman, M/42
3:40a 7900 S Paulina St, Auburn Gresham, M/34
3:50a 8900 S Carpenter St, Washington Heights, M/21
4:25a 2200 W 69th St, Englewood, M/31
9:00a 8600 S Lafayette Ave, Chatham, M/25
12:00p 8200 S Houston Ave, South Chicago, M/17
3:05p 5400 S Talman Ave, Gage Park, M/19
3:50p 3200 S Kedvale Ave, Little Village, M/17
6:25p 200 N Kenneth Ave, Garfield Park, F/22
7:10p 8800 S Honore St, Auburn Gresham, F/46 !
9:30p 2100 W 18th Pl, Lower W. Side, M/36
9:50p 5500 S State St, Washington Park, M/17
9:50p 5500 S State St, Washington Park, M/21
9:50p 5500 S State St, Washington Park, F/26
10:00p 3614 W McLean Ave, Logan Square, M/31
10:00p 3614 W McLean Ave, Logan Square, M/24

! #ShotInTheAss


$100,000,000 (Again)

Posted on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

Dr EvilIt’s that time of year when the city comes out with its projected police overtime number. Like last year, the initial estimate was off by only a couple 10s of millions of dollars.

“[City Budget Director Alexandria] Holt told aldermen the city expects to spend $95 million on police overtime this year, which is $23 million more than the $72 million already set aside.

It’s the second year in a row the city has exceeded its police overtime budget by millions. Last year, the city spent more than $100 million on police overtime after estimating it would spend $32 million.

The figures come amid growing concern in Chicago over the police department’s overall effectiveness in addressing spiraling shootings and murders, particularly in a number of poorer and more disadvantaged neighborhoods across the city.”

$100 million gets you slightly fewer homicides (still on target for 400+ this year) and more people shot. Not a very good ROI for the tapped taxpayers of Chicagoland.

What’s not included here is the overall police, fire and EMS budget numbers plus the HUGE taxpayer-assisted medical expenses incurred by various honor students, jagoffs, assholes and pricks with severe coping issues.

The cops do what they can, when they can, but in the end the aforementioned honor students should be sent the bill for the asinine behavior.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, October 18th, 2014

3 StoogesFor the second weekend in a row, what took all weekend last year to accomplish was knocked out in just hours this year. In the end, this weekend was 2.5 times as stupid as the same weekend last year. Good job honor students.

Final Stupidity Tally: 3 killed, 22 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 1 killed, 9 wounded

Friday 10/17
3:45p 11800 S Vincennes Ave, Morgan Park, M/?
6:40p 6700 S Parnell Ave, Englewood, M/17
9:15p 5500 W Rice St, Austin, M/?
11:15p 3900 N Francisco Ave, Irving Park, M/18
11:15p 3900 N Francisco Ave, Irving Park, M/18
11:15p 3900 N Francisco Ave, Irving Park, M/19
Saturday 10/18
12:25a 9300 S Wentworth Ave, Roseland, M/21
12:50a 900 E 104th St, Pullman, M/18
12:55a Sports Reporter And Pals Carjack Cab
1:00a 6700 S Throop St, Englewood, M/24
2:20a 5100 W Madison St, Austin, M/19
2:20a 5100 W Madison St, Austin, M/21
2:20a 5100 W Madison St, Austin, M/24
2:35a 7500 S Wentworth Ave, Grand Crossing, M/37 !
4:00p 300 W 107th St, Roseland, M/26
6:15p 4458 W West End Ave, Garfield Park, M/21
7:20p 7200 S Champlain Ave, Grand Crossing, M/15
7:20p 7200 S Champlain Ave, Grand Crossing, M/16 !
Sunday 10/19
12:10a 1100 S Menard Ave, Austin, F/20
12:35a 5300 W Oakdale Ave, Belmont-Cragin, F/18
2:00a 7000 S Wolcott Ave, Englewood, M/32
2:30a 1100 N Leclaire Ave, Austin, M/34 !
2:25p 1500 W 59th St, Englewood, M/20
5:15p 5100 W Hirsch St, Austin, M/18
5:15p 5100 W Hirsch St, Austin, M/22
10:00p 800 E 88th Pl, Chatham, M/50
11:00p 2 DOA when vehicle hits police car

! #ShotInTheAss


Felony Fun Run

Posted on Tuesday, October 14th, 2014

Bryan DuffyOver 40,000 people participated in this past weekend’s Chicago Marathon but only one had the benefit of direct police involvement encouragement:

“A Chicago real estate agent being chased by police on Sunday dashed onto the Chicago Marathon route and ran a portion of the famed race before being tackled to the ground by police, authorities said.

Bryan Duffy, 29, allegedly joined a pack of runners — and bumped into several of them — after police began chasing him on State Street, which is near the start of the marathon route, prosecutors said.”

Not a bad idea – blend in with your surroundings if only it wasn’t for the button down shirt (and probably pants) that’s a dead giveaway you’re not a marathon runner.

“Officers caught and tackled him to the ground in the 200 block of West Superior Street, according to a police report. In court, during a brief hearing Monday, Duffy’s face revealed apparent road rash.

Officers found an Altoids box with 10 capsules of suspected MDMA (also known as ecstasy or Molly) and a wad of bills totaling $531, according to a police report.

Duffy was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and reckless conduct for putting marathon runners in danger, according to the report.”

We’re of the opinion that the whole idea behind running 26.2 miles should be considered “reckless conduct”.


The Weekend’s Stupidity

Posted on Saturday, October 11th, 2014

The Triple FacepalmIn just 10 hours on Friday and into Saturday morning, we surpassed last year’s total for the same weekend. A cool, pleasant Saturday and Sunday helped add to the weekend’s tally.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 18 wounded
Last year’s weekend tally: 1 killed, 8 wounded

Friday 10/10
3:00p 1500 N Lorel Ave, Austin, M/27
7:15p 7000 S State St, Grand Crossing, M/31
10:30p 500 N Monticello Ave, Humboldt Park, M/44
10:50p 8800 S Carpenter St, Auburn Gresham, M/20
10:50p 8800 S Carpenter St, Auburn Gresham, M/16
Saturday 10/11
12:15a 1700 N Drake Ave, Humboldt Park, M/33
1:10a 4400 W Madison St, Garfield Park, M/22
1:10a 4400 W Madison St, Garfield Park, F/20
1:10a 4400 W Madison St, Garfield Park, F/20 !
1:10a 4400 W Madison St, Garfield Park, M/18
12:35p 11900 S Wentworth Ave, West Pullman, M/?
9:40p 5600 W Lake St, Austin, M/15 !
10:25p 2800 N Kildare Ave, Hermosa, M/26
Sunday 10/12
12:35a 5300 S MLK Dr, Washington Park, M/26 (story)
2:25a 4000 W Cortland St, Hermosa, M/25
2:30a 1600 S Central Park Ave, North Lawndale, M/51
2:45a 12200 S Halsted St, West Pullman, M/27
10:05a 6800 S Morgan St, Englewood, M/16
10:25a 10600 S LaSalle St, Roseland, M/16
10:45a 3600 W Lexington St, Garfield Park, M/20
5:00p 1600 W 72nd St, Englewood, M/17
6:45p 2300 N Melvina Ave, Belmont-Cragin, M/25

! #ShotInTheAss


Blue Line Blues

Posted on Thursday, October 9th, 2014

Lorenzo JonesThe poor CTA Blue Line, besides being known for questionable service and hi-speed escalator runs, some this jagoff decided to take a few shots at it this morning.

“A man in his 20s with a long arrest record fired an assault rifle five times at a Blue Line train at the LaSalle station Thursday morning but did not hit anyone, police said.

The man was arrested within minutes as he was walking with the rifle about a block from the station, police said. He was carrying 60 extra bullets, police said.

The gunman was seen on CTA surveillance video boarding a train at LaSalle Street, traveling in a loop and then getting off back at LaSalle, according to McCarthy. On the platform, the gunman opened fire on a train five times, he said.

McCarthy said the gunman has a valid Firearm Owner’s Identification Card, but the rifle was reported stolen from Indiana. The fact that the gunman fired on the train and not any people, McCarthy said, was “a bit perplexing.”"

What’s even more perplexing, G-Mac, is:

  • how someone rides a CTA train with a rifle without being noticed?
  • how does someone with a “long arrest record” get a FOID card?
  • how can someone get an “assault rifle” into Chicago – those are like really, really, super illegal and stuff (and scary!).

UPDATE: Our hero used a Hi-Point Carbine, hardly an assault rifle, and is being held on $2 million dollars bond, which is $1MM more than the typical murder suspect.


Englewood Shootout

Posted on Tuesday, October 7th, 2014

The situation in Englewood came to an end around midnight with the one of the alleged suspects assuming room temperature:

“A police standoff that began in Englewood with the attempted arrest of a shooting spree suspect ended six hours later with one man dead, another wounded and a high-ranking officer recovering from a head wound, officials said.

The identity of the 42-year-old dead man was not released, but the wounded man was identified as the suspect from Indiana, Daniel P. Brown. At least one gun was recovered, police said.

As police Superintendent Garry McCarthy announced the end of the standoff to reporters huddled along 71st Street, a group of three or four women broke into sobs.

“They … killed him!” one of them shouted.”

Maybe, maybe not. We’ll find out soon enough. Our money is on him catching a round during the initial shootout and bleeding out.

More coverage available at the Sun-times and NBC5 Chicago.